My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

Sifting shit.

I don't think this is really helping the OP, or any other woman who dares be a 'big' size 14! Positively obese at a size 14, said no one ever.

I think this is maybe your insecurities more than his choice of words.
I have child baring hips, big feet etc. Yet I've until recently been an unhealthy low weight. My labour was done in an hour with no pain relief. Someone who carries more weight doesnt have an easier birth, that's nonsense.

Please don't take what he's said as a personal attack.
But maybe address whatever other issues are going on. I suspect there's more to this. Best wishes op

It would be tiny for me, I'd be a size 6-8 at 10 stone odd, which looks very slender for 5'7", and a six or less at 9 stone something.

7 stone odd is very underweight for 5'8" by any measure though.

14 doesn't seem that big to me. And considering the UK size and weight, it isn't for the norm of the uk population of women either. So when a pp says it was, RabbitsRock, that wasn't in line with the stats of uk women. I doubt the mn population is any different.

Did he just mean that you’re bigger than your super fit gym friends? Yes, it would have been better if he hadn’t started to say it but that’s probably all it was. Rather than calling you big. I’d have the ick at being called a girl more! 😁

I'm a size 14-16.

I notice on airplanes I generally have to extend the seat belt from the last occupant. On my flight yesterday I noticed that it was only an inch or so from maximum length.

Of course a size 14 is big, particularly if OP was a size 10 before, her DH simply made a factual remark.

He put his foot in it with the wording, however it doesn't sound like he was being intentionally mean.

You are on the bigger side and as a society we're hold making any comment is unacceptable, however, the fact remains you are larger than perhaps a healthy weight. I'm afraid you're the one with the issue, he still loves you and if you're upset by this maybe look into making healthy changes to your lifestyle.

My partner has said the same to me - I’m a size 10 but 5’11. I think men are just a bit basic in that I’m tall and broad and everything is ‘bigger’ so he just said as such. He and your husband don’t mean anything nasty by it. My feelings were hurt too and it took a few days but then quickly passed - I’m certainly not small!

And I too had no trouble delivering my sons… my Grandmother always said I have child bearing hips! Basically I understand the hurt, but you’d be silly to take it into Christmas with you. Get back to feeling good about yourself and shake it off xxx

What do you mean it ain't natural? What is it, unnatural??

Quite!

@JacquesHarlow even in the 70s a 14 wasn't considered big. "Outsize" started at 16.

Sounds like you're the one with the sizeism issue.

Delete this thread, it's toxic as fuck.

A 14 is not that different from the average women in the UK but that just means the average women in the UK is fat.

If the average Uk women is a 16 then it just means we have a nation of overweight women.

Oh love he's a bloke! They're a bit daft aren't they? Carry on feeling good about yourself. x

As a grown woman, being called a 'girl' would be instant ick for me.

Do you never have a "girls night out" or say "I'm meeting the girls for lunch"?
It's a common turn of phrase, which gives a bit of informality to an event.

My very well educated nearly 90 year old cousin who whips all our arses at Scrabble and cryptic crosswords refers to the "old girls" going to church etc.

I am tall and very slim.
I have heard men refer to their much shorter and larger partners/wives as "tiny".
I think they don't see anything other than height.

You are over reacting , you are a size 14-16 unless you are tall that makes you a "bigger girl" feeling sensitive about it is a you problem .

Ergh, no.
To me 'the girls' are either a bunch of cackling, shrieking, over dressed, over-made up women who love a prosecco (now that Lambrini, chardonnay and pink gin are out of fashion), or elderly women with sensible hair styles, elastic waisted slacks and walking sandals who giggle and fawn if a young man calls them 'girls'.

I go for a pint or have lunch with my mates, who are women.

(..and I know this is far too judgemental for MN so have already got my hard hat on 😂)

I’m also surprised by some of the replies here. I definitely know middle aged women who say things like “I’m going out with the girls later”.
All of them are definitely mature, confident and independent women.
I remember both of my grandmas referring to their friends as “girls” (used to confuse me as a child).
It also wouldn’t occur to me to get offended if my husband said something like: “Are you meeting the girls for drinks?” 🤷‍♀️

This is about your lack of self-esteem, OP. There’s nothing wrong with your body, or with DH! He obviously still loves it, and you, whereas you seem to dislike yourself and now him too.

If you’re an unhealthy weight (depends on your height), you could try losing some. But don’t let it prey on your mind or turn you off a man who loves you as you are.

I was an 8 and went to a 12 and I looked huge !! I'm 5ft 4 so at a size 14-16 I'd look like the marshmallow man from ghost busters

God I thought mine was bad for stupid comments. Have to assume that he didn't mean harm though if he's generally good. And that he doesn't have a problem with your size or he wouldn't have thought this was an innocent comment ? Until he had seen your face that is!

Eugh hadn't read the thread and won't be reading it properly should have known how it would have gone