My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

If someone is, as you put it, a stick insect, the chances are quite high that they could have a physical and/or psychological disorder, so it seems rather churlish (or indeed bitchy) to use such terms to describe them.

He hasn’t said anything wrong, it was factual.

Lose all the weight. Meet someone else.

So it's ok to call thinner women inhuman names like "stick insect" but not to call less-thin women neutral factual words like "bigger"?

Make it make sense.

If a woman is slim she ceases to be a woman is that it? A stick insect, "an adolescent boy"?!

A woman is a woman, not a stick insect. She also isn't any less of a woman for having a c-section, either

Edited to be less ranty

Sensible hips, what a strange expression 😁

My friend is a ‘big girl’ (well she’s a grown woman) but that’s because she’s taller and broader than me. I think it’s giving you the ick because you’re already unhappy with him.

Hey, I'm really sorry that your husband said that about you, especially infront of other people, really tactless and inappropriate. Don't listen to the ones on here saying you overreacted because you didn't. All that matters is how it made you feel, not anybody else, its none of their business to judge you about your own feelings. Doesn't matter how he feels either. If it has made you feel bad, then it has, it's that simple. Take back power and allow yourself to feel the way you feel, you are allowed to feel whatever you want and to tell someone they have upset you, you are a human being and are allowed to feel, we are not robots. Always go with your gut. I hope this helps you. Xx

Put it in the bin where it deserves to be.

The irony of some posters on here calling him out, who then go on to make unpleasant and bitchy remarks about other women. 🤦‍♀️

Comparing someone who’s slim (who are you to say if the person is healthy) to a stick insect is being bitchy and projecting your own insecurities onto others.If you’re comfortable with who you are, why feel the need to say this.

Exactly.

Kind of sounds like you were building up to some pass remarkable judgemental comments about your fitter/gym going friends and c-sections and got a confronted with a judgement you didn't like in return? Reap what you sow and all that?

hips that don't lie, presumably, (or stay out late or drink too much) 😁
sometimes accompanied by breasts that are small and humble, not to be confused with big mountains....

😂

I’m five 7 and at a 14-16 was four stone over weight and clinically obese.

I'd imagine that's exactly what he meant

I think the thing to note here is that your husband very quickly realised he had hurt you & did not continue with his comments. He could have been dismissive or blind to your hurt.
However, it still hurt you.
Is your relationship in a place where you could discuss your feelings about this issue?
How do you feel about your weight gain over the years?
Are you happy with your body shape or would you like make some changes?
If there are other issues at play try to talk to your husband and see if he is willing to address the problems.
Working & caring for young children can be draining, resulting in couples drifting.
I hope you can work things out together.

I'm not teeny tiny. I've always broad and strong.

I was quoting a PP.

I was merely saying that, at my height and weight, I'm strong and solid not the mythical MN gaunt.

5' 8" and 9 stone 10, is a muscular physique. If refined.

It's no way near skinny.

And my sisters are both 5' 2" under 8 stone and super-muscular.

Not skinny.

Years after we got together (but long before we got married) I once made the mistake of asking my DH what his first impressions of me were. He has never been allowed to live down his answer "Quite pretty but a little bit heavy". For context when we met I was a size 14 (I'm 5'7). After having our DS who is now 7yr I was a size 20 I'm now a size 16. My husband however was 15st when we met and is now close to 22st so he is made to eat his words quite often.

16 > 10 .

It's called mathematics. And the poor sod had to endure a scolding for that...

Better brush up on basic arithmetics, OP... LOL

Can I just say that I know of an Asian lady, who's 5ft tall. Has a much taller hubby and as such, 1st baby was c-section due to large baby. Was a size 10 before marriage, now obese less than 10 yrs later. Regardless of weight, her skeletal structure is still the same. I don't believe weight of the mother is the deciding factor in how babies are born at all....

Wow, bitchfest on here. 14 isn't big. He was careless in his use of words. If he is the sort of man who likes slimmer women you are right to be pissed off. It doesn't come over as a compliment.

I can understand why, but he was being factual. A size 14-16 is "a bigger girl". You were previously a 10, and now you are bigger. We are under pressure in society to say that 14 isn't big and/or is healthy/curvy rather than being overweight. I'd hazard a guess that most people who are 14 are considered clinically obese. I say all of the above as a size 18-20.

Yep he shouldn't have said it.. and OP won't forget.
Like others have said though I'm hoping he meant wide hips for birth.. I'm very slim but a size 12 because I have wide hips and shoulders, and get called a bigger girl. It's not referencing fatness, just that I'm not petite.
But people especially ones we are intimidate with should avoid it and just make us feel attractive

What’s a sedimentary job? 🤔

Watch the film 'Trop Belle Pour Toi' also any confident 'bigger girls ' such as the mummy diaries (from The Only Way is Essex) I think she's called Sam? Lots of stretching will help you feel good physically and finally eating slowly and if your into food or perfume or clothes or your time with your children or cooking really own. Oh one last thing, watch the latest Chanel advert. Margot Robbie. Another good film is the one where ? Says to ? 'after I had my son I knew I was beautiful for the first time. U will be fine . Think like a model embrace your actual bodily reality' and also 'act like you're French' /adopt French attitude. They concede beauty to other women while having equal if not more appreciation for their own right to 'claim themselves beautiful because female '.