My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

I wouldn't be offended to be called bigger than someone who is short and a size 6-8, as clearly I am bigger than them. I would be offended if someone thinks I'm not fit or couldn't possibly go to the gym and be a size 14 or is generally "big" in the grand scheme of things at that size. I'd think they need their eyes testing.

Yes! You told him it hurt your feelings so I don't think he'll say that again. Men don't really get that for all some women "big" equals ugly whereas it can be said with appreciation and love. I know one husband who was miffed that his wife lost weight because he loved her body before weight loss and found her less attractive afterwards. But he wasn't an ass about it, she asked him to be honest so he was. Just saying that we all have different preferences, I find a slight overweight man more attractive than a skinny one for ex so I'm lucky with my DH😅

I think he was referring to the fact that I was an average sized woman rather than a teeny waif. Of course it was silly to say, as outward appearances wouldn’t necessarily be relevant.

That's objectively untrue. For the interests of the thread I've just measured my hips, 33", I imagine they were 31" when I gave birth for the first time 18 years ago. (In my early 30s).

Without issue.

I had two vaginal births with no intervention. Popped out both times.

I think where @Biggergirl16 has come unstuck is her 'wondering' about associates C sections.

Who does that? Who pontificates about other women's births unless they're feeling self-satisfied?

Size 16 might be 'average' numerically. But it's not the 'average' size of a healthy woman. I'd say a size 10 would be the 'average' size of a healthy woman. A size 16 would be overweight for the vast majority of women.

By your own admission, you've gone from a size 10 to a size 16, so you are a bigger person now. It doesn't sound like your husband was being malicious or cruel, he's just stating a fact, and you've taken offence and overreacted.

10.5 stone at 5' 7" isn't tiny by any metric. It's not even that slim. I'm 9 stone 10ish at 5' 8" and not super-slender.

I was 7 stone 10 for years, until about 30, 8 stone 7 after children, now 9 10, I could definitely drop a stone without looking the mythical MN 'gaunt'.

I have a very healthy relationship with food. Always have.

good for you, I suppose…

Hi OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling upset. I don’t think for a moment your husband meant offence, my advice is to let this go.
If you’re feeling a little sensitive about your weight or shape, keep focused on that goal of feeling good about yourself. Do it for yourself.

I found exercise in my 40s and it changed my life in so many positive ways x

I didn't start this stupid conversation.

OP I asked my DH if he thought my new lipstick suited me (he has a REALLY good eye for colour) and he said it looked “plain”. Fucking PLAIN! When I laughed and asked what he meant, turns out he thought it was a “nice and simple” colour. Which is exactly the MLBB colour I was going for.

Men don’t always understand the nuances women put on words - or sensitivities - when it comes to our appearances.

But if you are a bigger girl, then you are one. It seems as though you've got misplaced anger and insecuritiea surrounding your weight, and you're directing that hurt at your husband. Being bigger is not a bad thing. It is what it is. Either do something about it if you want to lose some, or stay as you are.

I think the term 'bigger' is really not offensive as compared to a 'big person'. A size 14-16 IS bigger than an 8-10 / 10-12 as an example.

Also, agree with all PPs re. narrow hips. Not every woman has child-bearing bottoms i.e., the ability to push a baby out naturally so your comment (on "there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one.") was slightly uncalled for IMO.

I agree. There are all sorts of reasons why people have the births they do with varied shapes and sizes.

My husband regularly says I have 'birthing hips'. It doesn't bother me because I do.

Who said 10 and a half stone at 5 ft 7 was 'tiny' FFS?! WTF are you on about?

Bully for YOU for being such a teeny tiny though! 😂

So much projection going on on this thread. 🙄

.

Why? Why on EARTH does your husband regularly say 'you have birthing hips?!'

What a weird and batshit thing for a man to keep saying to his wife.

It's just his way of saying I have curvy/womanly hips. He likes them so it's not weird.

It's even easier to spot those who are bitchy
And no, I'm not overweight
There's a huge difference between healthy and stick insect

It's a bit weird.

That depends on your height, build etc. For some it would be, for others it wouldn’t. She was used to being a 10, so 14 would feel quite big.

OP, your appalling behaviour is exactly the attitude that gets people to demonise women on bigger sizes.
Your total inability to deal with a somewhat awkward remark from your husband gives fuel for all those bastards who enjoy poking fun to overweight women.
You should be ashamed of yourself.

We are what we are. You made the judgement first in relation to your friends.

Size 14 to 16 isnt big

Your husband is a knob

I understand why it would ‘push your buttons’, but he didn’t say you were fat and at a size 14/16, you’re not fat. Being a bigger girl (bigger than a skinny girl - none of these descriptions are helpful) is only negative if you think it’s negative. I am a bigger girl, but I don’t see it as negative. I have never seen myself as small and delicate. In that respect I do think YABU, but I understand your sensitivity about it.

No but someone who is a size 14 - 16 is bigger than someone who is size 6-8.

It's is a relative term.