My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

I'll stick with my "ridiculous" hips, my size 8 figure and my BMI of 20, thank you very much.

Can I have it please? 😁(Just for a week in the Spring, and a fortnight next summer. I promise I'll give it back.) 😆

You've overreacted. Objectively speaking, at a size 14-16 you are bigger than the gym bunnies you described. You know this and he knows this.

He made a statement of fact and you overlayed it with negative connotations that reflect your opinion of your size. He didn’t say being bigger was a bad thing. It actually sounds as if he was heading towards it being a positive attribute.

I think you mean 'flagging' not 'fledging'. I think sparrows fledge.

Sorry I haven’t rtft as so long but I don’t see why you’ve assumed that bigger means fatter here - I can’t see why being fat would make you better suited to childbirth (surely the opposite if anything?).

Fwiw I am slim (when not pregnant) and have narrow hips but had really fast easy labours with huge babies. People (not DH thank god) have made comments before about how it is even possible and suggested that I have a massive vagina which is much worse!!! Probably just jealous…I’ll take my easy deliveries and big Fanny 🤣🤣🤣

You’ve said you know you are overweight. It doesn’t sound like he was being nasty, just a slip of the tongue. At least he didn’t say ‘fat’. There’s not a much nicer way I could describe someone who is overweight (I’m not skinny either btw). I know it must be hurtful but you are hearing what you already know. Don’t be too hard on him

That’s rude! I am slim and have never been blessed with curves, hurtful to think I resemble an adolescent boy! Not sure what to do with that commemt now 😪

If the average is size 16 then if you're around a size 16 then you are somewhere in the middle, below that and you're a smaller person and above that you're a larger person - that's how I would see it.

My BMI is 27.5, I'm 5'7" and I'm a 12-14 I have no trouble fitting in seats, leg room, spilling onto anyone else's seat, buying clothes - it's all good. I'm usually one of the slimmer people- other than that my legs and arms are strongly built and muscular which is more unusual. But I don't think anyone would call me a "big girl" unless I was this build in the 1950s, or if I were somewhere in sub-Saharan Africa or the Far East.

I would say I'm fairly tall and a muscular athletic build. Partly from going to the gym but partly genetic. Even when I got down to BMI 19 at one point in my 20s, trying to have the gazelle legs that were fashionable at the time, my legs were still solid and muscular. So unless I get a muscle wasting disease that's how I am and I accept and like my strong limbs now.

From what I've seen, it's more flexible woman who have easier births. I think it's also the gap in the centre of the pelvis that's important rather than the actual width. My SIL had fairly easy births and she looked like a child from behind. I'm 5 feet and half an inch tall, size 8, 37 inch hips and just about managed a VB with a lot of assistance the first time! Three hours of pushing, haemorrhage and huge amounts of swelling second time around, followed by an infection. A C section would probably have been easier.

I'm 5 feet and half an inch tall, size 8, 37 inch hips

37 inch hips are not a size 8. I have 38" hips and am in at least a 12.

With your sedimentary job it sounds like your have piled on the layers sadly. I hope your husband's words haven't rocked you too much.

I think the fact he stopped in the middle of what he was saying shows he saw your reaction and cared how you felt

I think you introduced the comparison by referring to some of your friends as "super fit/gym goers", the inference being that you are not this. If you are bigger than them, and this is what you were getting at, then YABU - your husband was merely running with you. In any case, this wasn't an insult. It sounds as though you are bigger, and your struggle with that is yours to own. Your husband has not tried to hurt your feelings and nothing here suggests he has any problem with your size.

I think if you are no longer attracted to him that's different

Awww, but he was just being HONEST!, just telling the TRUTH, and the OP is clearly very obese at a size 14. Every woman just loves being told - especially by their husband - that they're a tubby twat. I love nothing more than my husband criticizing my body and my weight, and picking flaws with my hair and make up, and the fact my boobs no longer stand up on their own now I'm nearly 60, and that I have a few wrinkles and a few sprinkles of grey coming through in my hair...

I don't know it myself you see. I'm too stupid to know myself that I am starting to look older and a bit overweight. I definitely didn't know I had put weight on since I was in my mid 20s, or that I looked any different. I could have sworn I still looked 26, and still had a 23 inch waist. I'm so glad I have him to tell me.

.

😁

A size 16 woman who is 5ft is not comparable to a size 16 woman who is 5ft 10.

The word 'average' is very misleading in this.

One would be very obese, one might not be.

Understanding of dress size is so poor it never fails to amaze me.

Igneous or metamorphic?🪨

Haha! You're welcome to borrow it, but the disclaimer is that it comes with built-in brittle bones* and a 49-year-old face.

*Not caused by an eating disorder.

One might be obese, but if they are short, I'd think of them as a short fat person not necessarily a "big girl".

FGS, no wonder so many women have eating disorders when a doctor comes out with fucking bollocks like this. Suggesting you were a strapping girl - aka FAT - at 9 stone, and 5 ft 4.

My niece was told by a nurse once that is a pretty girl, but would be soooo much prettier if she lost some weight. She was 10 and a half stone and is 5 ft 7. Like fucking arseholes was she fucking fat. Cheeky bint.

Sounds like some posters on here and their 'we've lost sight of what a healthy weight is' wankery. 🙄

This is why dress size cannot be an indication. I have 37” hips and fit 8-10 in clothes. I checked the size chart for one of my regular shops and it states 36” for a size 8 and 37” for a 10. And according to the chart, for my waist size I should be a 12. But a 12 would drown me, as I have a small build.

Oh another one. There was a woman (a neighbour of my parents) who said several times to my parents that it's a shame I've gone fat as I was a pretty girl. (WAS!)

I had had 2 children, (still baby and toddler age at the time) and whilst I was a bit overweight, I was only 10 stone 10 (at 5 ft 4-ish.) I was a stone and a quarter lighter before I had babies, but was clearly a fucking obese monster now.

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I agree with this, he was being completely factual. I say that as someone who’s a size 14 at the moment, at 5’8, I’d be an absolute fool to get affronted at being described as a bigger girl when in comparison to size 6-8 gym bunnies, because I am. You started that conversation, it’s really no wonder he thought he could speak relatively freely. You’re also the one who attributed negativity to that statement, it was pretty neutral!

Yes, sure. I have a smallish back which means a 12 fits better than a 14 in some shops even when I seem to be the 14 measurement.

I tend to try and shop in places that are true to the advertise measurements. I ordered from one place which said the a size 12 was 36.5" chest- so I also ordered a 14 as I know my chest is more 37" or 38" and the 14 did indeed fit and the 12 was a bit tight in the bust.

But also between say, a 10 and a 14, there are only a couple of inches circumference of difference, and it does differ between shops.

Yet people often get so het up on her about size 14 women being "massive" or "larger" and taking up more space. So I take up a couple more inches of space? Get over it, seriously. I'm not going to be spilling into your seat, or taking your arm rest or taking up space with my massive shoulders like large men do. A lot of it seems to be internalised misogyny.