My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

a) It depends on height. Someone 5'0 who is a 14 (as I have been) is absolutely big.
b) Even then, a 14 can never be 'small.' Even if you're 6 foot you're not slim at a size 14. At best it's within the medium/normal range, although most clothes shops seem to equate 14 as an XL.
c) The actual DH didn't say "big", he said "bigger", and the poster you are quoting didn't say 14 in itself was big, just that she was a 'big' 14 (i.e. closer to a 16 than a 12).
d) It's impossible to use clothes sizes in the UK as any indicator of actual weight because there is no standardisation between, or even within shops. I've got similar looking jumpers that fit me, one is a size 14 from Zara, anothe is a size 8 in asda. Sometimes depending on the style I can "fit" an XS to an XL in different items in the same shop (looking at you H&M).

I really don't understand the BMI chat on this thread, it seems irrelevant given that the crux of this was about c-sections -v- vaginal delivery. BMI has no bearing on somebody's frame/bone structure.

The 'big girl' thing is a red herring.

I really hope some of the posters here don't have daughters they try to "educate" based on their scientific knowledge.... so much misinformation and ED inducing rubbish on this thread.

Body composition has a huge impact on how much people weigh/what clothes people wear. Labels will also be different from shop to shop, so to base someone's health on clothes size which differs widely anyway is ridiculous.

I mean the c-section v vaginal birth thing is bollocks but I don't actually think there's anything wrong with saying 'bigger', it's a fact. I was a size 14/16 and at 5ft nothing I was big.

I’m in Southeast Asia. You would have your own post code.

Woman with certain frames, eg more of an hourglass shape, are likely to have an easier vaginal birth. DH was not calling you fat. 'Girl' is quite irritating but not intended as an insult. Tell him firmly to watch his language in future, then forget about it.

Women with narrow hips have trouble giving birth - so until recently they did not pass many of their genes on, as they died of obstructed labour, or of the caesarian required to get the child out.
Size 14 to 16 is not big. It's about average size for a healthy adult woman (as opposed to a girl/woman late teens to early 20s). Your DH should be eating humble pie right now (I have a recipe if you want one).

Exactly. How fat you are has no bearing. It’s bone structure that counts.

I also think you’re over Reacting, as compared to the gym fit women you are bigger, however I understand why you didn’t wish that to be said. It’s a bit like Voldemort in Harry Potter, it must never be spoken of. You know it, he knows it, but it can never be said out loud.

I think repulsion, ick etc is a bit ott, but if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.

A sedimentary one, limestone?

Bigger <> big
And you are bigger than those stick insects

The average female pelvis is 12 inches. No one is a size 14/16 on account of their pelvis. No one who is a size 6/8 needs to have an especially narrow pelvis in order to be that size.

First of all, 14-16 isn’t really what I’d describe as a ‘bigger girl’.
I do agree with others that by bigger he didn’t necessarily mean ‘fatter’ in a bad way.
It was rather clumsily put though, especially when you’ve lost weight recently and probably already feeling a bit sensitive . If this was an isolated silly comment, and doesn’t have a habit of putting you down, I’d let it go.

Is it necessary to insult other peoples sizes? There is nothing wrong with being a smaller size.
TBH I think you overreacted. I am a size 14-16 and occasionally DH jokes about how all of our family is on the plump side (including the dog ). We do lots of exercise though.

I could take umbrage but like your DH, he's just stating a fact.

It's very easy to spot the posters on this thread who are overweight.

I'm normal weight at size 14.

I don't think you know what 'scientific' means.

Your post is very odd tbh , there’s too much to unpack here…

He may think you’re fat and not like it, but that’s not what came across to me from the conversation you described.

I think your reaction may say more about your own view of your body and/or how attractive you are (esp. to your DH) than it does about his view of you.

The OP is probably not obese- I was at very short and size 16 (not 14).

Being very obese is associated with higher risk of needing a C-Section and also it's harder to site an epidural, so there is an association with weight and method of delivery, but not always in the direction you think. It does also make a difference how big the baby is which method is easier, and that is affected e.g. by gestational diabetes, and if the father is larger (height, not sure about weight).

It's not true to say weight isn't related to how you can give birth, but it's not a simple relationship.

i was a 14 now a 12, id still say im a bigger girl ..

Why is it upsetting and hurtful? She is likely outside of the healthy BMI range and, if the average height for a woman will be “bigger”.

In this case the comparison was too her smaller friends hence “bigger is correct”.

If she was 6ft and he referred to her as a “taller woman” would that be equally “upsetting and hurtful”? Calling somebody “big(ger)” is a value neutral form of describing somebody.

I am a size 14. Recently lost 1 and 1/2 stone. My DD decided to call me short and fat in a Spanish piece she was writing at school. It hurt but it's the truth so I have to own it really,

What’s your BMI? Because that’s what I’ll be looking for as ‘scientifically’ whether you are overweight…

A size 16 by pretty much all standards is a bigger woman though isn’t it? Not necessarily “fat” depending on how you carry your weight but bigger yes.

There’s always exceptions but the average person who is a size 14 would be classed as overweight or obese.