DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Good on you for pulling him up straight away. Your daughter will always remember that.

Or she might remember that her mother made her live with this man for eighteen months, a man she had to tolerate because her fiercely independent mother moved him in.

If it’s a private landlord and they like you then ask if you can give notice and get yourself off the tenancy, then once he cannot pay rent and moves out, ask if you can renew and move back in?
But, if he won’t go and is happy to let the landlord evict him through the courts to get a few months of free living, then you just need to find somewhere else to live.

How does he usually talk to you and your daughter? What does she not like about him?

He was told to go away, threatened with arrest if he came back.
And was told it was a civil matter when he mentioned collecting his clothes.
Some of you live in la la land you really do, the law protects those with possession. And the money to pursue it. This fella has neither the brains nor the means by the sounds of it.

I would speak to shelter or cab about how best to deal with the tenancy if he doesn't bow out gracefully. If you have to effectively end your tenancy and leave would you be able to find a new place?

So it should be easy for landlord to take him off tenancy and put you as sole tenant.

Call LL first thing!

Holy shit, he really has got himself set up with you! Speak to the landlord, and then present it matter of fact to the soon to be x, that you had been having doubts but that this behaviour has brought it to a head, and you are not prepared to carry on any more.
He has X number of days to leave, no cooking for him, no doing his laundry, or such, and then he has to leave.
You don't have to defend yourself or justify yourself to him, it isn't up to him

I'd do it for her if she was the sole tenant beforehand and a good one.

That didn’t happen.

Why jump to doom and gloom before getting all the facts?

Yes me too

So either...you don't know the full story, or this didn't happen.
The Police can suggest he go elsewhere to avoid a breach of the peace. They can even arrest to avoid a breach of the peace. They can't evict him from his home or stop him from returning unless there are bail cons or a legal order like a DVPO.

Surely you mean, could be better,
Not men in general just this big baby

Why does he live in her house then? Why would you force your daughter to live with someone she doesn't actively like?

He missed you. Wanted to be with you more.

What about what you wanted? What about what was best for your Dd?

This I'm afraid. It is not that anyone wants to be hard on you; but I just can't understand why you would let him sweet talk you in adding him to your tenancy, for no benefit and to the detriment not just of you but also - especially - your daughter.

Being 'fiercely independent' is not enough, you have to also be astute.

There will be a way out of this but your agreeing to add him to the tenancy has made things much harder than they need have been. I agree you need to get expert legal advice and talk to your landlord to explain the situation.

Obviously mumsnet will take your side but if you are not on great terms generally the must be a backstory to this.

Is your daughter generally ungrateful?

Oh good, off he fucks then.

I really wouldn't be having a conversation about ending the relationship.
I'd be presenting it as a done deal and that the comments he made to your DD last night, whether he realised them at the time or not, were the final nail in the coffin.

You can turf him out at any stage. I'm going to assume that his name isn't on any documentation regarding accommodation (deeds/rental agreements/mortgage/whatever) and you really could just bag up all of his stuff and leave it out on the front step? I wouldn't be interested in anything further he might have to say and I would stay firm on the fact that you are looking out for your DD as well as yourself.

Ye I’d much rather be alone for every second of the rest of my life than be stuck with an arsehole! That includes friends too.

Speaking from experience, could be a whole lot BETTER.