DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Do it whilst you have the momentum. H

I was there, he was told he could get in his car and leave otherwise he was getting in their car and leaving but either way he was not staying in that house.
There was no question of her leaving and the subsequent legal advice was he was to stay away.
So if it’s good for the ex sister-in-law, Ive no doubt it’ll work out in a similar manner for the OP who were all supporting and whose side we’re on remember.

I'm getting a lot of "He wanted", "He missed you", "he wasn't getting along with his family"....

Question - what did YOU want? Were you pressured into letting him stay???

When he was added to the tenancy did you discuss that he would need to pay half the rent?

Don’t say anything to him until you’ve spoken to your landlord. As you are on a rolling contract he may agree to let you give notice and then restart a contract in your name only. If not ask if he has any other properties you could rent and give notice and move. Let him stay and deal with rent and bills
Also worth contacting women’s aid for assistance. Keep things to yourself until you have a plan, don’t give him any ammunition.
And never add anyone to your tenancy again!

I don't see the partner's issue really - items like clothes fade in time, just a fact? If she had been saying it to a brand new pair of pjs in a whiny voice, then I'd understand it, but if she's had them for a while...

Of course this loser that pays for little wanted the security of it.

Absolutely unbelievable.
Your poor poor daughter.

He's a total loser who now thinks he is so comfortable he can have a pop atvyour daughter.
Shameful behaviour.

Get him out.

Contact your Landlord and ask for it to be cancelled and a new tenancy started.

Why would you put a man paying nothing on the tenacy of your childs home.
Unbelievable.

No wonder his family think he is a loser.

Involve the police if he becomes aggressive.

I can understand being so casual with your childs home and security.

No wonder she is not keen on him, but that doesn't matter to you.
Your poor daughter.
So sad.

He's a cocklodger.

If you are in a rolling monthly contract then I would tell him you want him out by the date before you next pay rent or you will give notice and move out yourself.

In the meantime I'd change the passwords for everything you pau for that he doesn't contribute to. I'd stop doing, shopping cooking, laundry etc and only do shit for you and your kid.

In that case, I'd tell him if he's sick of living with emotional women, he knows where the door is and he can use it and fuck off!

Good God, did you call the police?

Unless there’s a huge back story this is ridiculous.

He sounds foul. Silencing woman with the 'emotional' insult because he was in he wrong. I'd get rid of him if you can.

Fucking hell. You're the only security your DD has got. What on earth have you done giving away her security of her home to a man???

I'm a landlord with one flat. My tenant's wife came to me with a situation, she had had to have the police as husband got violent then wouldn't go when she asked him to leave. They were both on the tenancy which was finished fixed term and on a rolling month to month basis.

So I gave both of them one month's notice to quit and then signed just her and the children up to a new one year lease.

When the husband got my notice letter, sent registered post, he moved out as he didn't want any police involvement.

I suggest @Rosettespur speaks to her landlord ASAP. As she's been the sole tenant for many years before putting not-so-'D'P on the tenancy agreement, he should be willing to do this for her.

Sounds like a complete loser...

Get rid of that waste of space.

I'm sorry that you're getting such a flaming OP, I hope you can use it to galvanise you into action🙏

I don't think you should care what he will claim for a reason. Feel free to tell him that your "ick" factor has been steadily increasing, and the other day was the day it went to the moon. Inform him that you are going to look out for your daughter's and your own best interest, and he isn't a part of that equation. Make sure to change the locks.

I feel so sad for your DD. She has been living with a man who does not seem to care for her and who she "tolerates". In her home. Her safe space. The space where you teach her what behavior from men is acceptable and what is not.

If he whines and sulks that he has no place to go, remember this; "Not your circus, not your clown car". Your "job" is to provide the best, safest, most loving home you can for you and your daughter. Your job is NOT catering to a cocklodger who doesn't even act like you are a family.

I wish you the best and hope you let us know how it goes for you and your DD.

When I did this, it all was going well!

I'm so pleased to hear that, be strong! It's not your problem he has burned bridges, he's had plenty of opportunity sponging off you for 18 months to save money for his next place. It's was sad to read that your daughter was so resigned about what he says to her. Can't believe he doesn't even pay to live with you then says the child who actually belongs in the house in ungrateful. What a horrible character.

It's not your fault. They let it all hang out once they are comfortable and think you are trapped.

Yes of course it was - then once on the tenancy he could relax and show his true colours. But never mind, his time is well and truly up!

sending positive vibes to your @Rosettespur

get this cocklodger out asap - cheeks of some men knows no bounds!

Fair point

Why on earth did you put him on the tenancy and allow him to pay nothing? Do you think this is all you are worth?
Time to value yourself and get this freeloader out.

WOW! He knew what he was doing.
He knew exactly what to say to you to get his foot in the door.

"My family doesn't like me." "I miss you ALL the time!" "I want to spend more time with you. BTW, can you palm your DD off more?"

Edited to erase the advice since he is on the tenancy.

I really cannot believe that you let him move in AND put him on the tenancy! Of course it was going good at the time. He needed a place to live, and you were ready, willing and able to bow to his concern instead of your DD's.

The fact that you no longer live with your DD's father, should have been a clue that many things do not last and jumping into something, when he and your DD were not close, was wrong.

I hope your landlord helps you get him off the tenancy and out of your life.

You might start to think that "things were good, most of the time". Of course they were! He has been living rent-free, but on the tenancy, and his bills are all paid! Just think what kind of holiday or pjs you could have gotten your DD if you hadn't been supporting a cocklodger.

If he has to stay until the lease runs out, I'd tell him he is now responsible for one half the rent, one half of all utilities and one half of all food, drink and misc. that is bought into the house. If he cannot pay, let the landlord know that.

How can it have been going well if he was paying nothing and your daughter wasn't keen?

How can her opinion of someone foisted on her into her home, mean so little to you.

Can you really not see that?
Her home should be a safe place.
You and he have taken that from her.

Please wake up to this and get him out.
Your daughter deserves so much better that this.