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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

659 replies

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:03

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

OP posts:
YourRubyLion · 09/12/2024 18:04

I mean, the comment he made wasnt that bad on its own. But it sounds like this was the straw that broke the camels back. So if its the lastest in a series of shitty and unhelpful comments and you have had enough, then thats what you need to consider.

Duckingella · 09/12/2024 18:10

Man on low income living with a family member moves in with a woman with her own home and doesn't contribute to bills or pay rent or equivalent.

Man gets someone to help him care for his own kid EOW.

Funny how this cocklodger has the audacity to call his partners kid ungrateful when someone himself is ungrateful.

Unless he has a golden cock or is a domestic god then I don't see what he's bringing to the table.

CherryCake88 · 09/12/2024 18:27

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:23

DD heard me go in and correct him straight away and text me later to say thank you for standing up for her but she didn’t really care what he says.

all I ever wanted was my mum to stand up for me. That text speaks volumes!
If you no longer love this man then please get him to leave 🤍🤍

ElizaJ74 · 09/12/2024 18:27

You being unhappy and wanting to end things then it's the end.
You don't need to justify, he doesn't get to stay to plead his case.
Just keep saying it's over, you don't need to say anything else x

Oodydoody · 09/12/2024 18:38

Of course he is refusing to leave.
He knew well this day would come.
Hence he insisted on being on the tenancy of a house he contributed nothing towards.
You couldn't make this up.

Can your daughter stay with her father full-time until you can get him out?
She would be better out of this environment.

Berlinlover · 09/12/2024 18:46

I can never understand mothers who move boyfriends into their homes but I’m old fashioned like that.

Hopingtobeaparent · 09/12/2024 18:48

Precipice · 08/12/2024 17:12

Of course you're fuming.

Look beyond the specific context of this event to his general attitude: "He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’" Is this a man you want to spend your life with? This isn't treating you with respect. This attitude reveals that he considers his position to be above yours. It's a framing of entitlement. In normal, respectful relationships, it's normal to sometimes do something not ideally (because of being already annoyed, because we have different approaches than the other person and inadvertently hurt them or make things worse for them) and then it's normal to apologise. He's telling you he considers it beneath him to do that.

In this specific context, he made a snide comment completely unnecessarily to your daughter. Is this how you want your child's home life to look like? To grow into her walking on eggshells and tense up because she expects to hear such comments whenever she voices anything that's not directly positive?

This!!

Octoberdreaming · 09/12/2024 18:52

Another ‘cocklodger’ complaint thread. There’s been loads recently. Why do women put up with these parasites.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 09/12/2024 18:55

The man is a waster, youve set your stabdards way too low op - much higher next time!

No cooking, washing, ironing for him
No using any of your things (including cooker/washer/plates/pans/tv/sofa)
Empty the bathroom of all toiletries (use a soap bag)
Give him an empty cupboard in kitchen
Change passwords

Ask your landlord to give you notice to quit and write a new tenancy in your name only ... not sure if it will work but worth a try.

I wish you luck!

Lemonadeand · 09/12/2024 18:59

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

Is this a joke?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 09/12/2024 19:03

Tell him if he doesnt go within 7 days he needs to pay half of the rent and bills for the last 18 months - I'd be bold and get a solicitor's letter to this effect, giving a figure he owes you.

Minihero · 09/12/2024 19:10

Stay strong, of course he's digging his heels in, it's got a great thing going there: free accommodation including a room for his DD! You'll get there in the end though. Make it as hard for him to stay as you can.

laraitopbanana · 09/12/2024 19:13

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:20

Yup

Show quote history

Please show the door then say « just a joke! » when he gets annoyed…

either he stops or throw his stuff out?

WreggGallace · 09/12/2024 19:15

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:45

He has a DD EOW. Nope he lived with family. And yes he was on a low income

Edited
Show quote history

Classic cocklodger, get shot

Dagnabit · 09/12/2024 19:28

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 18:23

He is on the tenancy 😢 it was my house, I lived here for 5 years, just me and DD, but when he moved in, he wanted the ‘security’ of being on the tenancy and at the time it made sense

Show quote history

You added him on as a tenant? Worse idea ever because now he has as much right to be there as you do! Doesn’t matter if he contributes fuck all, legally he doesn’t have to leave.

smellydog1 · 09/12/2024 19:29

I have been were you are, please please get rid of him asap. He definitely resents your daughter and totally disrespects you. I know it’s hard…. But do not make excuses for him….. let him go

toucheee · 09/12/2024 19:30

Dagnabit · 09/12/2024 19:28

You added him on as a tenant? Worse idea ever because now he has as much right to be there as you do! Doesn’t matter if he contributes fuck all, legally he doesn’t have to leave.

Show quote history

This has all been covered, OP is contacting her landlord on Thursday. It’s not all doom and gooom, there will be a way.

OhcantthInkofaname · 09/12/2024 19:38

I think you need to move his belongings into the room his daughter stays in. You don't need to share a room with him. You pay the bills.

OctobersDaughter · 09/12/2024 19:53

Eeewww. There must've been red flags before this. I can't imagine the other misogynistic behaviors emanating from this manchild.

smooththecat · 09/12/2024 19:59

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

Is that you mum?

Buzyizzy21 · 09/12/2024 20:00

Show him the door! He sounds utterly vile.

SalsaLights · 09/12/2024 20:04

smooththecat · 09/12/2024 19:59

Is that you mum?

Show quote history

That made me laugh much more than it should have 😆

Iateallthechocolate · 09/12/2024 20:08

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

That's not worse that's better

EveryonesMother · 09/12/2024 20:27

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

My idea of heaven!

Fraggeek · 09/12/2024 20:31

Please if you do allow him to stay in his DC room, get a lock with a key on your bedroom door. Both sides. Make it absolutely clear you are done.
Personally I'd be packing it up and presenting it to him on the doorstep. Should he kick off that's enough to say you don't feel safe with him there around you and your daughter and it will give you more leverage over getting him off the tenancy.

If he doesn't kick off and take everything, then make the call asap to say he has left the property and taken his belongings.

Neither option is lying, it's just enough to give you the ability to say he can't be on that tenancy.