DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

But he has rights to the property as his name is on the tenancy.

Are you being serious?

@HPandthelastwish - I did miss that update so thanks for that. I've gone back and read it, thanks.

@Rosettespur - why did you tell him today that you want him out?

He now knows you want him out and can use the same length of time to contact the same people (e.g. landlord or local authority housing or similar) and start tackling the problem but his aim would be to get you out of the place you call home instead of YOU getting him out.

In my opinion,that wasn't a clever decision you made there. There is a reason why women are advised to try to maintain a demeanour of normalcy before leaving an abusive spouse/partner. It's to be able to use the element of surprise and to also be able to leave (if that is what is being advised) without forewarning their partner who could use means to try to stop them from leaving. I'm not suggesting that this bloke would try to stop you leaving, actually he'd probably be delighted if you did as he'd get your house and let the landlord keep charging you rent for it!

If you had an emergency and needed the landlord to fix something (like your boiler or similar) would you have an emergency contact number for the landlord? Could you use that number this time?

Well I think we all knew this was coming and he probably was not going to go easy. Thoughts are with you OP. He is now showing you exactly who he is. He doesn't care if you want to break up, he will not move out of your house that you share with your child that you pay for in full. Do not back down. This is not a good man to have around.

Another thing - not sure if you are on speaking terms with this bloke's Ex, the mother of the child that he sees EOW. If you are, can you let her know that he won't be living with you in the new year and that you're sorry for the upheaval but this is down to him.

Why would he try to get her out when he can't pass an affordability test to maintain the tenancy on his own?

And of course she shouldn't contact the landlord directly. This isn't an emergency. There's not actually anything he can do other than give notice on the tenancy. There's nothing else either of them can do without the other's permission.

Why not though?

Pack his bags and leave them outside the front door.
Tell him you will call the police if he refuses to leave.
Do you have any relatives/friends who might be able to help you? He's more likely to go quietly with other people in the house.

That's an empty threat though as police won't attend to kick someone out of their lawful home

While you're waiting to hear from landlord can you at least move all his stuff into the room his DC uses when they visit and give him something in writing to the effect that you realise that when you were in a relationship you subsidised him to the tune of £xxxx but that now you consider the relationship to be irretrievably broken down you will need £xxx pw until he removes himself from the property. And yes to removing all home comforts, no laundry, cleaning, cooking, he's no longer a cocklodger he's a lodger who needs to go.

This is horrendous for you and your daughter, I’m so sorry. I think I too would move all his clothes etc in to his daughter’s room and say he’s to sleep there. Tell him you’ve approached the landlord and you have agreed to revert back to single tenancy (doesn’t matter this hasn’t been discussed as I doubt he would ring them to check). Tell him that will come into effect the next rental month so his stuff needs to be moved out by then but you assume he will go elsewhere before then.
good luck

Based on what?

Wow, what an insight 🙄

Why are you together?

Just read all your replies!! please don’t listen to his begging and false promises, he’s shown you who he is already so listen to that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Stick to your guns for your daughters sake as well as this man sounds like a freeloading knobjockey 😳

hopefully the landlord can organise something for you as that is your home!

You need to make it clear that from your point of view it is finished. You are no longer attracted to him and that he should have some pride and accept it’s over.

Be careful OP, my sister had one of these "I'll do anything, I don't want to lose you types". What it boiled down to was he liked living off her coattails and the lifestyle SHE gave him as he was a lazy waste of space that didn't pay his way.

This. A relationship is done when one person says it is. It doesn’t need mutual agreement. His opinion doesn’t matter if you’re done.

Which bed is he sleeping in tonight OP? Good luck in getting the offensive cock lodging shit out of your home, I hope he goes quickly.

if he wont go then you will have to give notice. If you know the LL then perhaps he could give you notice and then XDP will move out and you can stay put?

Get advice from Shelter though.

Whether together or not, if he is staying around for the moment, then he needs to be paying half of the rent and all bills. He needs to buy his own food and do his own chores , cooking and laundry.

you have to make it very clear to him that it is over. Hopefully he will move out. Tell him that he needs to remove himself from the Tenancy or he will be liable for half the rent whether he lives there or not.

What? Have you read the thread, or at least OP's posts?

I would look for a new home. Painful as it is, it will probably be less work than getting him out. With any luck he'll take it seriously and jump before he's left behind and liable for the bills. You can have a quiet word with your landlord but also have a plan B ready.

How much notice do you have to give? I'd do that and get ready to remove your possessions before he makes off with a bunch of stuff that doesn't belong to him.

Everyone saying she can't throw him out because he's on the tenancy there's a 14 year old there who he is not related to so if he caused any aggro over being thrown out i can't see any police officer forcing op to take him in.

OP he's clearly shitting himself because he knows he's going to have to take responsibility for his own life and he won't have you to sponge off any more. Men like this don't change. Stay strong and get him out.

I just told my landlord exh had left and could I have a new single tenancy.. She didn't even speak to the twat and sent a new one the same day. Pretend he has already gone. No laundry or cooking.. Go to bed first and shove some drawers against the door.