Page 16 | DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

Rosettespur · 2024-12-08T17:03:06+00:00

DP and I not on great terms at the moment. DD is 14 (not his). We live together. I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally. ’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’! I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off. DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’ Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Billybagpuss · 09/12/2024 10:46

Well done 💐

MyrtleStrumpet · 09/12/2024 10:50

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 10:45

DD left for school and I spoke to him briefly this morning, told him I want him gone, I have no interest in the relationship anymore and I need him gone. He protested that it’s ridiculous based on one comment last night, I gave him other examples of shitty behaviour and he rolled his eyes as he clearly see’s that as petty too.

I told him it didn’t matter what he thought and he is to leave. He initially said ‘no way’ but then started with ‘where will I go? How can you do this to me etc’

Iv told him I’m not interested and he left for work.

Hopefully he will spend the day trying to figure something out

Edited

Good for you. He has no respect for you and instead of an apology and promises to do better, he's asking where he will go as if it's your problem.

I hope you can have a good day.

WellThatsNice · 09/12/2024 10:51

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 10:45

DD left for school and I spoke to him briefly this morning, told him I want him gone, I have no interest in the relationship anymore and I need him gone. He protested that it’s ridiculous based on one comment last night, I gave him other examples of shitty behaviour and he rolled his eyes as he clearly see’s that as petty too.

I told him it didn’t matter what he thought and he is to leave. He initially said ‘no way’ but then started with ‘where will I go? How can you do this to me etc’

Iv told him I’m not interested and he left for work.

Hopefully he will spend the day trying to figure something out

Edited

Well done. Your DD will be thrilled. I hope he just does the decent thing and leaves without creating all manner of drama, although it’s probably more likely he’ll realise today that he’s shot himself in the foot and might attempt a charm offensive. 🙄

WestiesAreMyBesties · 09/12/2024 10:55

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

Honestly, I'd rather have no man at all then live with someone like that.
What's so bad about not having a manchild to raise??

Alchemillas · 09/12/2024 10:58

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 08:11

Thank you again, I had a restless night sleep mulling over everything in my mind.

As with these situations it’s a long story. The plan was for him to pay some money into the house, we had it all planned out before he moved in, then as soon as he moved it there was issues/catastrophe/drama that meant he couldn’t pay until one day I got a text at work saying he just wasn’t going to be able to contribute anything, by then it was too late. He has always worked, just low paid, non secure work. And apparently it ‘made sense’ for me to pay everything as ‘I have been when I’m not here anyway’! I should have realised then but he was still really kind, dealing with some issues and I suppose I felt sorry for him.

For about 1 year he didn’t pay anything at all really, aside from a couple of take aways etc.

Then in the last 6 months he got a slightly better job so said he would take over food shopping and petrol and he has done this so he see’s this as a huge improvement.

TBH the resent has set in. I took my DD on holiday this year just us and he made me feel really guilty for it. So much so that it ruined the holiday for me tbh as he moaned and whined so much before, during and after. He felt I should have taken him. It’s all of this sort of thing I am just sick off and have the severe ick over now.

it ruined the holiday for me tbh as he moaned and whined so much before, during and after
Yet another reason why his "sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house" comment was stupid.

Wait for him to suddenly become the perfect partner now as he tries to sweet talk you into keeping him in the house with his free rent. Total cocklodger. I hope he doesn't succeed at sweet talking you.

JayJayj · 09/12/2024 10:59

His response says it all really.
No apologies or saying he will be better, just where will he go!!!

Well done for kicking him out. He sounds so selfish.

Therealjudgejudy · 09/12/2024 11:12

Well done op. You really need to stay stromg now!

Mls1984btc · 09/12/2024 11:59

@Rosettespur get in touch with your landlord asap and sort out an arrangement with them during this transition.

Skyrainlight · 09/12/2024 12:06

Mls1984btc · 09/12/2024 11:59

@Rosettespur get in touch with your landlord asap and sort out an arrangement with them during this transition.

Agreed, you don't want to get home and find he has changed the locks and contacted the landlord first.

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 12:13

Skyrainlight · 09/12/2024 12:06

Agreed, you don't want to get home and find he has changed the locks and contacted the landlord first.

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Neither of them can change the locks or remove the other from the tenancy!

DowntonFlabbie · 09/12/2024 12:15

Monty27 · 09/12/2024 05:37

That's really not helpful. We know how love blind people can get and the idea is to encourage OP to take off the rose tinted glasses. Not compare her dd to you @Ezlo .

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It's more helpful that 90 per cent of the thread. Pp is using her lived experience to show exactly why OP has fucked up and as a salutatory tale to not back down.
Your response to pps clearly difficult life long experience and dismissal of it as love blind behaviour is abhorrent.

Skyrainlight · 09/12/2024 12:19

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 12:13

Neither of them can change the locks or remove the other from the tenancy!

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I understand that is the legal position. But as I'm sure you have seen in this thread not all landlords follow that and some have said they would change it for OP, so it's not beyond reason that the reverse is possible. And I read a thread on here the other day about a woman who went away for a few days and her partner had changed the locks. There may be legal recourse, but I would want my landlord to know the true story before the dodgy cocklodger can do anything, so at least if he does change the locks the landlord would aware of the true situation.

Mls1984btc · 09/12/2024 12:27

Skyrainlight · 09/12/2024 12:19

I understand that is the legal position. But as I'm sure you have seen in this thread not all landlords follow that and some have said they would change it for OP, so it's not beyond reason that the reverse is possible. And I read a thread on here the other day about a woman who went away for a few days and her partner had changed the locks. There may be legal recourse, but I would want my landlord to know the true story before the dodgy cocklodger can do anything, so at least if he does change the locks the landlord would aware of the true situation.

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Especially when his daughter got her own room in Op's house.

DowntonFlabbie · 09/12/2024 12:30

I wouldn't care about the legal position. Pack his shit and put it outside, tell landlord he left.
On the off chance he goes for legal recourse (he won't, he's far too lazy and incompetent for that) I'd just say no idea what you're talking about mate, you walked out on me 🤷‍♀️.

Zippidydoodah · 09/12/2024 12:34

Good luck @Rosettespur . You have done the right thing for you and your daughter. I hope he makes it as simple as possible for you.

Mrsbloggz · 09/12/2024 12:40

Well done op.
I would say that his habit of only taking low paid insecure work is part of his Modus operandi, he does it to con others into feeling sorry for him.
The sheer brass neck of expecting to leach off of you!!

toucheee · 09/12/2024 12:43

Monty27 · 09/12/2024 05:37

That's really not helpful. We know how love blind people can get and the idea is to encourage OP to take off the rose tinted glasses. Not compare her dd to you @Ezlo .

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What on earth? Enzo's post was very helpful.

ElaborateCushion · 09/12/2024 13:02

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 10:41

No, he basically works in something like a car salesman, won’t say too much as it’s outing but on like £16,000 a year basic

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I think he might be conning you on this too tbh. Unless he works part time, his salary on a 37.5 hour week would be at least £22,308 on minimum wage.

Fraaahnces · 09/12/2024 13:23

I suspect Mr Helpless Baby is going to be totally unavailable and you’re going to have to pack his shit up for him and change the locks, mate.

Original poster

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 14:02

Well…he came home from work, begging that things will change and he refuses to give up on the relationship. Stating he doesn’t care if I have given up he is staying put to ‘show me’ how things can be different!

I am now ignoring him. But I honestly have no idea how I am getting out of this tbh

OP posts:

toucheee · 09/12/2024 14:05

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 14:02

Well…he came home from work, begging that things will change and he refuses to give up on the relationship. Stating he doesn’t care if I have given up he is staying put to ‘show me’ how things can be different!

I am now ignoring him. But I honestly have no idea how I am getting out of this tbh

Edited

Did you call the landlord?

WearyAuldWumman · 09/12/2024 14:06

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 14:02

Well…he came home from work, begging that things will change and he refuses to give up on the relationship. Stating he doesn’t care if I have given up he is staying put to ‘show me’ how things can be different!

I am now ignoring him. But I honestly have no idea how I am getting out of this tbh

Edited

If he wants to "show you" he needs to start by paying his fair share of the rent and household bills as well as doing housework...but in your place I'd still have a word with the landlord to see whether it's possible to end the tenancy and then re-start it in your name only.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 09/12/2024 14:07

Staying put for free room and board more like.

Calculate 50% of all bills, backdated to the day the cocklodger moved in and tell him to cough the fuck up

I'm betting his desire to stay will miraculously vanish.

Original poster

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 14:08

toucheee · 09/12/2024 14:05

Did you call the landlord?

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I called but no one there until Thursday to discuss so put it in an email. I told him this too and he just brushed it off as ridiculous

OP posts:

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 09/12/2024 14:08

He's not going to go without a fight.
You need to make it more trouble to stay than to go