DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

You need to kick him out asap. He is a freeloading twat, who is now making digs at your 14 year-old daughter. Don't subject her to that.

He's done a number on you OP.
You're a decent person who pulls their weight & treats others as equals, you thought if you were generous to him he'd be generous in return.
The phase when things were going well, that was him keeping you sweet until he had his feet under the table, until he had enough leverage that he could start exploiting you.

If it’s a joint tenancy, only one person needs to give notice to end it. Speak to your landlord about giving notice and renting it again individually. I’m sure if you’ve been a good tenant for all this time they’ll want to keep you.

The issue is that they have to actually move out in order to end the tenancy. They can do this, and theoretically the landlord can give OP a new tenancy starting the next day, but if she doesn't actually move out then the tenancy doesn't end, and it's a way of tricking the other tenant into moving out essentially which is considered to be depriving them of lawful access to their property. Even a landlord who signs a sole tenancy the day after a joint tenancy ends could be liable for being sued but would be less likely to lose if both tenants had actually moved out and vacated the property.

He’s really got himself a great deal, hasn’t he. No wonder he gives you the ick more and more. He’s a giant ick on legs. He even gave you a hint - he wanted to be on the tenancy for his own security. He knew you wouldn’t be able to throw him out if this happened! I’d start by telling him you’re struggling and he needs to pay half the rent, but more shopping etc. Start nagging him to do housework more. Cook dishes you know he doesn’t like. Stop sleeping with him, doing his washing. Make his life with you much less easy and enjoyable- might make it easier to get him to leave in a few weeks. And don’t do a wonderful Xmas. Go to your mothers or something. Plus - show him how over emotional you women can be! Play his game right back at him.

I would think about taking legal advice without him knowing too.

Thank you all for your comments. The sulking continued with ‘It’s mental you are making such a deal of this’ and ‘another evening ruined’

I am so done. But I am also opening my eyes to how brainwashed and gaslit I have been. It’s so insidious, no massive issues like addiction or cheating but lots of negative remarks, lots of ‘why do you need to do that, go there?’ A bit controlling but horrified at the thought of people told he is. Has an answer for everything!

The other way to approach the situation would be to say that as he is on the tenancy he has to pay bills. So he needs to pay half the rent and half of all the bills and half the food shop. It’s that or he leaves. He won’t pay and if he won’t leave you might have to find somewhere else.

I almost refuse to give up mine and DD’s home. This is our home.

Im speaking to the landlord/estate agent tomorrow about what can be done. I rented alone before so I can’t see it being an issue, I suppose they will say if he agrees to come off it then that’s ok, if not?! Iv been googling occupation orders but need to look more in to if

I'm not sure if this will improve things for the OP.
This man presumably knows it'll be hard for her to make him leave the place and that's why he feels able to get away with this behaviour.
Yes we can say he deserves to be treated as you describe, but (given what we know about his character) how is he likely to respond? I think if she is unpleasant to him he will punish her by being even more unpleasant. If push comes to shove who will come off worse?

Don’t need to have massive glaring issues to still be a shit partner who isn’t adding anything to your (or your daughter’s life). He’s a misogynist, lord of his castle (because it became his as soon as he was allowed to move in, in his mind), with silly little women always squawking about some nonsense or other. What a shit bag.

Of course your dd cares, its her homelife. Imagine feeling unsafe at 14. Critiqued in your own home.
She'll be telling her y10 mates tomorrow' what a dick her mums bf is.
Please remove him. He doesn't get to insult you like this.
Its your home.
If he is affecting your mental health- He is not the love of your life.

Forget about an occupation order, firstly you need a high bar of evidence of domestic abuse to get one, and secondly they are limited to 28 days to give you time to move somewhere else - they aren't used to remove someone permanently from a property.

The domestic abuse element is right OP and from everything you've shared so far I don't think one could be made however I appreciate there might be lots of info you've chosen not to share. They're usually made alongside a non molestation order.
The 28 day info isn't correct and I think the poster I am quoting might be confused with a DVPO issued by Police to exclude a perpetrator from their home. An occupation order can be 6 months or indefinite and grants long term rights to one party to reside in a property.

Good luck OP.

Kudos for standing up for your child.

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf soon !

I don't know if he works, but I'd definitely change the WiFi password and not tell him what it is. If he's at home all day he'll miss being able to game or watch porn.

I’m kinda confused about what he’s implying she’s ungrateful for? His comment doesn’t even seem to fit with what your DD said so it just seems like an excuse for him to be insulting to her.

If not, then talk to your landlord, get him to serve notice to both of you, he moves out, you start new contract. Hopefully your landlord is reasonable 🤞

He might stick his heels in but he isn’t going to want to pay half the rent and half the bills, I would end relationship now and say as you can’t afford the rent then you will have to be the one to move out. I would speak to landlord about the situation stressing he hasn’t paid any of the rent and hardly contributes to bills

What @GreyCloudsAbove has said absolutely!

Hopefully since you’ve been here for 5 years, you would have a good relationship with your landlord and they’re willing to help. Best of luck OP!

WOW if he is on the tenancy that will be hard to get him out. Im honestly shocked that you would do that seeing as he doesn't pay any rent?

It's never been said or implied this is the case. It's a difficult situation but you shouldn't just make things up about someone to the police to resolve your issues.

If he is not contributing regularly to rent he shouldn't have a say
He is taken the piss get rid and enjoy your Xmas with your daughter

If you and he are not on great terms anyway, why are you putting your DD through this? It can’t be a great atmosphere at home. What sort of message is this giving to her - that her mum needs a man so much that she’ll put up with this kind of shit? That her mum isn’t putting her needs first? Time to give up on him OP and for him to move out. For you to not be on great terms after only 18 months - this relationship is going nowhere apart from down the pan.

F