DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

If you're on a rolling tenancy I'd speak to your landlord and tell them the truth- you're planning t9 break up with him, you pay 100% of the rent and 99% of the bills, and one of you needs to come off the tenancy so you want to sign a new eg 12 month contract. Given you're the only one that can pay to keep the tenancy you'd like him removed. Shouldn't be that hard given you're on a rolling contract. I'd sort that before giving him his marching orders personally.

😂

Living with family and moaning about it, low income so paying nothing and, worst of all, your child didn't really like him.
The subtle pressure until you felt you HAD to 'save' him

Is it so important that you have 'someone' that you end up pretty much paying him to be there? You are worth far more than that.
OP, if you need one thing to motivate you, think about what you are modelling to your daughter.

Not sure what else is going on, but I'd sling this one back.

He's sexist and not something I'd want my 14yo exposed to any further.

What an AH!

Your DD might say she's not bothered, just like people who are bullied say, but it's not true. She is affected by his behaviour and who knows what the impact of that will be.

Being on the tenancy doesn't give him more rights than you - speak to your LL.

Just pull up your smarty pants and 'lever' him out somehow; no good anyone berating OP for putting him on the tenancy - she did, it's happened, now OP needs to find a way out.

Many here doling out advice will have done, or will likely do similar level mistakes, including myself, because life doesn't always turn out quite as we had planned. Your strength is found in picking up the pieces and getting on with it - within yourself, not in others.

I do not understand women like OP. You moved a man ino your daughters home, a man she doesn't like. You threw her comfort and security in the toilet for a man.who doesn't pay his way and acts like a massive twat.

You're lucky that all.he did was whine and complain. It could have been so much worse. Fix it, now. And don't do it again

Oh dear, he played you. Why would someone who isn't paying rent have any right to be on the tenancy? He obviously knows what he is doing. I hope he goes easy.

We found him!

He's got his feet under the table now
18 months in and the cracks are starting to show by him having a sly dig at your DD then a dig at you because you've pulled him up on it
'Just joking'
No he wasn't, he's seeing what he can get away with
Give it a few weeks, or even Christmas (because, you know 'he's stressed') and there'll be another little snidey remark aimed at her
Your DD sounds a level headed and lovely kid, don't let him change her

The snide comment would totally give me the ick. He's making it about a teenage girl who isn't even his and he pays nothing towards. Yuck.

Tell him the relationship is over, he needs to move out, move yourself into a separate bedroom and stop doing anything for him.

If he wants to stay he will have to pay half of everything.

If he really refuses you will have to move out (give notice to the landlord first) but he probably won't want that as he will have to pay the whole cost.

Chances are he'll bugger off once he realises you're serious.

Sounds an over reaction re this specific issue, but as it sounds the relationship isn’t in a good place anyway, that you should call it a day.

You can't just remove someone from a tenancy! The landlord would need to give them both notice, then potentially relet to the OP alone but if the partner refuses to leave it would have to go to court etc.

When I first read this comment, I thought, “woah, harsh!” But actually. Would no man at all be worse than this? Probably not.

It’s not right that you moved a strange man into her house who she doesn’t ’care for’. Imagine that in YOUR OWN HOUSE. And at such a vulnerable age. What were you thinking?

So, he was paying half all the bills from the moment he moved in and as soon as he went on the tenancy, he stopped paying? Because I don’t know how you can say that it was all going well at the start if he actually wasn’t contributing at the start of living together either.

Break ups are really, really hard. I’ve been through a divorce so I hear you, I promise I do. But you deserve better.

Tomorrow night? What the? Are you serious? End it NOW! I would be soooo fucking furious I'd say 'I want you out of this house RIGHT FUCKING NOW! I mean it! Pack and bag and I want you out in an hour, if not I'll call the police and have them remove you!' I'd literally storm in the room with a bag and throw it at his fucking feet! (or face). Why are you not doing something now? Get your backbone and evict him this second!

Are you serious? You CALL THE FUCKING POLICE! That's what you do. Christ.

Because he's on the tenancy FFS she can't do any of that

Will you calm down? You can't get the police to remove a man from his lawful home unless he's committed a crime.

Ah, ok, I didn't see she was on a tenancy, I only read that it was her house. Meaning I thought she owned it. My mistake.

No she doesn't 🙄

Calm down

No expert here but I thought a rolling tenancy just means that the landlord can give you a month's notice to evict you or vice versa (unless the contract says otherwise eg 3 months notice). So why not just get landlord to give notice and OP sign up to a new 12 month tenancy as I said? Doesn't seem that challenging to me - assuming landlord is willing to play ball.

In any case OP if he won't leave then suggest you give notice on the house, he clearly can't stay alone, bit tell the landlord you would like to sign a new contract if possible. Sorry you are in this horrible situation with this stupid man, gah.