To resent my father because he's rich and could help me ?

[grabbie]

Is that grabby and entitled ?

Ah now, come on. It's absolutely not a resounding "no". You are understandably touchy about something that has far more bloody nuances than you are allowing for.

It's in the millions guys.

Ok your father is a multi millionaire. And you’ve seen his bank statements where he keeps these millions.

@Onceachunkymonkey yup, he's taken me to see. As fucked up as it sounds, it's true.

Millions still doesn't mean wealthy to some.

Whats 'the life you have' though?

Basic things like affording food, heating, rent/standard mortgage, everyday bills etc... or do you live in an expensive fancy house with big mortgage, have a brand new fancy on payment car, take several all inclusive fancy holidays, have your kids in private school, keep horses etc...

Its telling that you said you need to to keep the life you have not that you just need to. Seems keeping a lifestyle is more important than health which is a choice many don't have.

"Although my dad is an abusive person and has been pretty shit to all of us our whole lives ( mum and siblings ). He is a classic narcissist. He's always controlled my mum with money and treated her like dirt."

Given this, you know the answer would be no even if you asked.

Don't give this any more brain space. Work with your partner/kids/whoever else is in your life to improve your finances and support in ways that you can actually control.

Btw if your issue is mental health, I wouldn't expect a man like the one you describe to even believe there was an issue in the first place...

If he’s always been financially snusive then I’m not sure why you think this would be any different.
However, you say he thinks you shouldn’t be working. Have you laid your cards on the table and stated that you cannot manage financially to give up work? That you would need financial assistance?

“Super rich” these days means a total net worth of at least £10 million. More like £20 million. Anything less than that is just "wealthy."

Still if he’s wealthy to the extent he’d be paying hundreds of thousands or millions to the taxman on his death, I agree he should pass it down to you now instead. Lots of families set up trust funds for this purpose.

I actually find it is the white English families who are the worst at providing for their children in their lifetime. In my experience Jewish, Turkish, Indian, etc, parents are far better at recognising the need / advantage of handing over capital and assets when their children are young.

I defo understand this, OP. It's not that you're entitled to his money but more the fact that he could help you but chooses not to. I'd probs not say anything but wouldn't be going out of my way to foster a good relationship with him.

Have you looked into applying for PIP op?
It's non means tested.

Yep, he's a millionaire but what's the back story? Why doesn't he want to give? Have you asked him? What's his excuse?

My parents in their late 70s go on at least 6 foreign holidays a year instead of helping their children.

I'm really sorry you are ill, but unfortunately long term illness does limit all kind of things, including income. It is a mistake to expect parents to make up the difference; they won't be able to do it forever, and then you may have to start facing these hard facts of life on your own, at an age where you are less adaptable. Better to look for ways to cut down expenses to fit your income, rather than feeling you should have the life you used to have when your earning capacity was greater.

I think he should help you. My ex is very wealthy, one of our DS's has a long term health condition, if he ever works again it will be casual, low wage, just to get out of the house. Was unable to complete Uni due to health reasons. He is on strong meds, for life, that make him drowsy so he is not allowed to drive.

His dad has bought him a flat to ensure that he has somewhere to live and that his brothers don't have to worry about his housing, at least, after we are both gone.

I can't imagine a parent not helping a child with a long term health condition if they have the wealth to do it.

He's taken you to see his millions? Is it in a vault?

Did he swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck?

Why would you want to be beholden to a man who treats people like that over money? Even if he said he would help you'll always feel financially insecure because he could take it away at any time. Why would you want to feel like that?

If you cant work then reduce hours and claim what you're entitled to. Cut your cloth. Sometimes we just have to play the cards we're given.

Tbh your tone is very entitled - just reading your messages, they reek of it.

How old are you? Millions won't last long if you expect him to fund. Your entire lifestyle, which you admit isn't basic, for the rest of your life.

Yes, I do think he should help you op and many parents would in his position. Perhaps you'll inherit from himin the future. However, I wouldn't count on it given how you describe him.

One way you could present it (if you're willing to ask) is for example he could purchase a share of your house to lower the mortgage, which could lower your expenses, but he'd have an asset rather than giving it to you. Of course you'd have to have proper documents drawn up stating that he couldn't force a sale, for example. Just an idea.

So what it comes down to is you don’t want to ask, because he uses money to be controlling. If you were to ask “should my dad help me while I’m ill?” Most people have answered in the positive: if your REAL question is “will my dad ever change and give money because he loves me and wants to help me rather than being a controlling narcissist?”…well, yeah he’s not gonna do that. If you need the money, then you’ll have to suck it up. It is what it is. You can’t force him not to be a dick.

You mention keep the life I have but haven't elaborated. It's very hard to form an opinion on whether your father should help you financially as you haven't said what you are expecting him to offer.

How much do you want from him though, you won't say.

£3,000 a year as a tax free gift would be reasonable. £40,000 a year for the rest of your life would not be reasonable.

@ilovesooty Snap!