To resent my father because he's rich and could help me ?

[grabbie]

Is that grabby and entitled ?

If he was a good and kind father who had shown you throughout your life that he could be relied upon to help, then you could just ask or your other family members telling him you need help would nudge him to do so. Unfortunately, you say he has never been a particularly good or kind person and therefore, I think you have to accept that you will not receive financial help from him. You probably need to explore other a\venues of help or support, if your condition is only going to get worse and put your father out of mind. I'm sorry you don't have that family support, it must be difficult.

Paying someone an income, so they can stop working indefinitely, is quite a lot more than what people would usually call ‘help’. He’s not volunteering, and you won’t ask, so can’t see how anything will happen in any case.

Agree with PP you should ensure you’re receiving all the other help you can.

You are entitled to resent your father, for whatever reason you choose. So the answer to your first question is, yes, you can resent him. As to whether you’re grabby and entitled, none of us can say.

If you intend to help out your children in a way that he hasn’t for you, I'm not sure how that will happen if you aren’t able to work, unless it’s from an inheritance that you may get.

If you’re not well then do you need to make adjustments or expect to not have the same life if you can’t afford it? You can’t just expect handouts to maintain a lifestyle

If he knows your situation then yes he should want to help. The person you have described though sounds very selfish and uncaring. Are you sure he actually has money and not spent it on himself?
If it is a real struggle then ask him he is only going to act how you expect to him to anyway might as well see if you can get some help.

@grabbie as you're saying its lifelong and to deteriorate have you claimed the benefits you're entitled to?
Does he think you shouldn't work because of your health, or because you're female?

YANBU to resent having a shit father rich or not op, but YABU to think he would give you money off his own back knowing who and how he is.
Best to not think of him helping as an option because you he won't.

If he's allowed you all to go without throughout your life, just so as to grow rich in his own right, then it seems unlikely that he'd give you money to support yourself anyway OP, so I wouldn't be asking him. I think if you've been used to struggling because of this, then you should claim benefits if you're seriously not well enough to work.

So it really doesn't sound as though your father is rich after all. As awful as the background story (if he is a narc and expected your mother to pay outgoings) is it is quite possible he has "saved" because he comes from such a place of poverty it gives him some sense of security to have money available if he needs it at some stage. How old is he and you? Is he just providing for his own old age?

It's not a sob story but it is a weird one. You've flexed from having a good relationship with him to him being abusive to you, your mum and your siblings.

You want him to help but you don't want to ask because you know he'll treat you like shit. But your mum and siblings are asking on your behalf.

What amount of financial support do you think will make a difference? Are you talking one off amounts or ongoing support?

Your refusal to clarify the issues is unhelpful. - Like what's your medical condition? How old are you? Do you think he should help your siblings too or only you? Is he super rich - millions ++ or middle class wealthy facing retirement? Are you single? Children? What does your mother think and doesn't she have a say too?

Currently you just sound bitter and entitled but with more information maybe we would all be thinking that indeed he's mean not to help more.

How grabby.

I'm not well. I am struggling to keep working because of my illness but I need to, if I want to keep the life I have.

This ⬆️
Tells us everything we need to know. You expect your Dad to finance you, to sustain the lifestyle you want, rather than adjusting your lifestyle to your means-which is what the rest of us have to do in times of hardship.

If you have an illness that is impacting your work, then your situation isn’t temporary, so what you’re expecting, is for your dad to go “oh! Hang on, why don’t I just pay you a wage for the rest of my life, so you can do nothing all day, and reduce my savings to absolute zero”

Yes. Yes you are being unreasonable. And also not remotely truthful.
In a couple of posts you’ve gone from having a good relationship with him, to him being an abusive narcissist that’s treated you and your whole family like crap your entire lives.

I understand OP. I can't imagine not wanting to help my own adult child if they needed it, rich or otherwise. But resenting him for not helping you is only hurting you. You need to look after yourself and this means finding a way to stop this from happening. You have choices in how you deal with the situation.

Your lifestyle?
What does this look like?
What would it look like without the bank of dad?

Problem is even if you ask or if he offers and you finish work and he starts paying you money he’s probably going to use it to control you at some point if he’s a narc. I’d be very wary of giving him that power. He’s unlikely if he likes the control to give you a massive lump sum but more likely to do monthly payments….and then the possibility of emotional mind games start.

It wasn't supposed to be about the backstory.

The story is simple :
Would you help your child if you were ever wealthy - if your child was sick but not on the breadline because of it.

It's a resounding no from Mumsnet, as expected really.

I. Sorry you’re going through this. In reality I think it’s fine to help occasionally but I’m not sure it’s ok to expect him to maintain your lifestyle for you indefinitely due to your health.

are you claiming everything you can?

With respect - what are you going to help your kids with? His money? You appear to be saying that because you are losing your mobility he should expect to fund you for life. As someone with next to no mobility, I have managed to work up to the age of 67, and I am now retired. So having little mobility doesn't mean that you can't work. It might mean that you will have to revisit your options. And since you have children, what is your partner doing about this?

To be honest, given your choice of user name in context, I have to wonder about this thread. But if this is not a wind up, then it does not appaer that he is super rich - he has managed his money, you clearly despise him, you won't ask because you think he should fall over backwards to want to help someone who doesn't like him, and I look forward to the thread "my sister thinks dad should spend all his savings supporting her and leaving nothing for the rest of us to inherit - AIBU"

Yes I would as a parent , but I’d also not expect it as a child.

You’re entitled to resent your dad, whatever the reasons.

He’s entitled to choose not to prop you up, whatever the reasons. 🤷‍♀️

A couple of people have doubted he's rich. Why ?

I've seen his statements, he's extremely wealthy.

Wealth is subjective. That’s why. Ask ten people their definition of wealth and you will habe ten different answers.

Because wealthy means different things to different people.

I think it depends on your and his age, life circumstances etc.

I'm self employed. I have insurance against periods of inability to work due to ill health even though my parents could definitely afford to help me if that happened. But it's not their job. I have a DH and my own children to think about - we are the family unit. Also my parents are now in their 70s and may need their wealth for extended care in the next 15 years, who knows what will happen.

But if I was in my early 20s and just stating out in life then maybe I'd think differently