To resent my father because he's rich and could help me ?

[grabbie]

Is that grabby and entitled ?

Honestly you sound like you hate him. With that and your family members it sounds like he’s constantly being badgered about this so I am not surprised he is not keen.

And even if I could afford it and without the backstory I would never let my kids go hungry, but I would have very strong reservations about gifting them
an amount of money which meant they never had to work again. I would worry that they would be unfulfilled, lose their sense of self, plus once people are out of work they inevitably age much faster. I’d also feel that I had to do it for all my kids/ family member to be fair. I would think overall it would be much better for that person to find a more manageable job and re-think their lifestyle so they could remain independent.

If you are thinking you’ll be incapable of working sooner rather than later, better to make sure that your finances are in order now and that your life is affordable in the long term than obsess over your Dad’s money.

The thing is that @grabbie isn't going to go hungry. Sadly if she has to give up work, her children will have to go to a state school and they might have to (horrified intake of breath) get some part-time work to help them through university. Although we still haven't actually had any explanation about why "struggling with mobility" = "can't work". I managed perfectly fine for years before I retired (late). Still could work if I wanted to. If I were going to ask for anything, I think I would go for help with aids or retraining so that I cam continue to work and stand on my own two feet (figuratively speaking - I often fall over if I try standing on my own two feet!).

But I do agree about getting "too much". A close friend of mine made a killing in the early days of home computing - sold his company to Microsoft and landed £millions in his bank account so never needed to work again. He got a very nice house (in the area they already lived in), sent his kids to private school, and gave the kids a modest allowance - enough to "get by comfortably" without being flashy. He stayed down to earth - generous to friends and others, without being showy. He taught his kids the value of working, and the benefit of using money wisely.

Long story short, they decided by 13 / 14 that they'd inherit enough to never work, pissed about at school until they were expelled, then again at another school and also at a third one. Spent their money on drugs and alcohol. He did everything he could. Rehab, counselling - and believe me, he was a fabulous, caring father; and their mother was just great, Those kids were not "taken to stately homes" or left to their own devices. When they hit 20, with nothing left to love or support, he disinherited them (and after many warnings he would). Left his fortune to drug rehab charities. I'm glad he didn't live to see his eldest son die of an overdose, or his youngest (as far as we last know) a homeless addict in and out of prison.

Money and advantage do not make people. They can help. But nobody needs a private school or even university - although anyone willing to put in the effort can get to university now. The OP can, assuming this is all true, provide a stable and loving home and the support to grow confident and capable children. Nobody needs money to do that. My parents had nothing. I have a degree and three postgraduate qualifications, and a succesful career. It didn't need a private education or money to produce that - but it needed support, values and life lessons. I got those a plenty - especially from my mother.

I guess OP isn't getting the responses she wanted - beware living up to this username.

Dad, I'm starting to agree with you that I should consider not working. However, money would a massive worry for me to do that. I'm sorry to have to ask but would you be in a position to help me financially?

.

At the very basic, if my DC asked me for help, and I could, I would. They wouldn't have to be in poverty or desperate for me to consider it. If I had any wealth, I would share it with my children, without being asked and no reasons needed. I think you're getting a hard time because it's being viewed that you withheld this information because you knew it would change lots of people's opinions. I have a chronic illness and had to give up work so my heart goes out to you. We just had to adjust our lifestyles. I know if my parents were in a position to help, they would, and have even when not really in a position to do it.

His money is his money, not yours. Have you been a bad daughter?

Yes. It’s grabby and entitled.

I personally wouldn’t ask him ,or expect it, not after all this time I’d rather live within my means than constantly have a carrot dangling and then have the rug pulled away. Private school is not a necessity and they will make it through university if they get the grades and want to do well .
You have to do what your health allows , look after you .
I don’t mean any of this in a horrible way .

Do you have brothers and sisters? Does he have a wife, friends? I think it's sounding rather grabby and entitled to expect to just put your hand out and expect him to keeping handing you money.

You talk about keeping you in the lifestyle to which you're accustomed. What does that mean? Designer clothes? Hookers and blow? Or food and a roof over your head? There's a massive difference and a expecting a rich parent to just be an ATM is entitled. Maybe you will inherit his money one day but he doesn't want you to blow his money on Rolex watches and Louis Vuitton dresses and have nothing for your future.

@EmmaMaria your friend's story is actually horrifying - doing "everything right" and yet that was the fate of the kids. Really sorry to hear that happened to his family.

Yes it was tragic. But it's a valuable lesson. People assume that all the worst of drugs and alcohol abuse happen in the poor areas, the "dangerous areas". Actually the place to watch is the nice middle class areas. Behind the detached and semi-detached doors, there might be relative stability, but there is often all the same issues that you'd associate with deprived areas. I recall, decades and decades ago (the 80-'s) working in a job that covered the Lake District. Lovely expensive towns and villages, the best schools etc. One of the worst drug problems I have ever seen. Money isn't everything, and there is no guarantee that it is character building. Sometimes quite the opposite.

Maybe if OP asks her DF would make digs about her having to be grateful that he helps her out whereas if he does the offering suggesting OP gives up work and he'll give her money whenever she needs it he can't say anything and OP can always have the come back of "it was you that suggested I stop working not me"

So what? He either says yes or he says no. She won't know until she asks! That was the point of my comment, you totally missed that! 🙄

Maybe his self employed 🙄

Agreed. Unreasonable to expect mind reading. Just ask.

And you totally missed my point! 🙄

There is not much context but generally I think any adult demonstrating some sense of entitlement to another adults money is BU.

What illness do you have is it chronic long term ?

You sound ungrateful and entitled.

Not everyone inherits wealth how very narrow minded.

An entitled narcissistic opinion.