To resent my father because he's rich and could help me ?

[grabbie]

Is that grabby and entitled ?

Because you are continuing to work, and because you haven’t asked for any help, is there a chance you’re coming across proud?

He may not want to offer help until you ask.

To bad, that not how things work, you can't have both so pick one. Its good to help our children but what if he wasn't well off what would you do then just carry on, so carry on!

Sounds like you’re going to have to figure out your own solution.

How old are you?

Why are you asking if he is a bad person for not offering help when you haven’t even asked for it ?
does he even know your struggling ? There are so many other questions you’ve not answered how are we supposed to support or help you when your not open with us about all the details.

For example what exactly is wrong with? Why can’t you work ? What lifestyle are you trying to protect ? A luxury sort of life style ? Are you crazy poor ? Are you sick long term ? Is this short term ? Can you not apply for benefits ? Are you already on benefits and it’s not enough ? Have you exhausted all your options to the point where you have no choice but to seek help from your parents ? As an adult I’d expect you to answer that last question with a yes. It’s not fair to expect a bail out you should be trying to avoid it at all costs.

honestly from things you’ve already said you sound rather entitled . Yeah your dad may be crazy rich but that doesn’t mean he needs to give you anything . He worked for that money , you didn’t . Also if he’s so crazy rich as you say I’d assume he owns buisness . Could you not work a desk job for one of his businesses ???

also on the inheritance thing do you not have siblings ? I’m sure they’d like to inherit too . It’s not fair if it’s all spent on one person . Besides it’s his money anyway his time for paying for you ended when you grew up and he might not leave you anything . A lot of older people are being advised to spend all their money before they die because the uk gov in particular is taking really large portions in inheritance tax . If your dad is super rich as you say you could be taxed around 40% if the new laws come into place and a lot of people don’t like the idea of their money going to the government. Outside of that what if he becomes disabled and all that money is spent on care. Dont assume you will inherit anything . Also say he does need care later on I’m sure he’d be rather upset if he spent all his fortune on his kids and now has nothing to pay for his medical costs and end of life care .

personally I’d stop expecting things and if you want help ask him .

If your kids are as clever as you are I’m sure they’ll do very well in a state school.

Also just to add you cant exactly judge someone when you haven’t even given them a chance to offer you help by asking them !

When he expressed that opinion did you explain to him that if you gave up work you couldn't afford to live etc? Perhaps he genuinely doesn't realise the problem, and would happily offer you some support if he knew?

You're not making much of a case for yourself.
Why should he help you just because he can and you might inherit at a time less convenient for yourself?
Are you kind and helpful to him (and his partner), irrespective of hoping to inherit? Not getting the feel of your relationship.

-Do you or his grandchildren have a good relationship with him now?

• Do you or the kids have a reasonable expectation of inheriting from him? ( ie has he said that is his plan)

how old are you and the kids? How old is your dad - these are all relevant

If you are only asking for support for schooling and uni and
if he’s got serious wealth then I'm sure he’s using a financial advisor and they could go through the benefits of using grandchildren’s trust with him as there are significant tax advantages.

that way he could be sure his money would directly help the grandchildren if he’s not keen to help you for some reason

but the bottom line is you need to be prepared to ask to have a discussion with him, be prepared to ask for help, outline what you need and discuss options with him not expect him to mind read

Hi op,

yes he should and it can see you struggle and he thinks that you shouldn’t work with your condition?? Is he really NOT hinting he would help at all?

he might need to know what and how to be able to help though? Maybe to not give you the feeling to fund your life?

Realistically, noone here can tell you op. It does sound like none of you guys want to make the first move? BUT you are the one needing it so 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think...a pride thing? On both side...

Good luck op 🌺

Firstly you are rich. You have a pretty privileged lifestyle. Why would your father offer finance assistance when with some adjustments you can give up work and still live a fairly comfortable life? I think it’s fairly entitled of you to expect him to make up the shortfall.
If you have 2 children in private education you are paying upwards of £60000 per annum after tax in school fees. Moving them to a state school would mean you have plenty of money to live off and provide all the extracurricular stuff they will lose by moving.
Is it that you are embarrassed to move down the social ladder, in effect. Or are you embarrassed that you have to work when many of the school mums are SAHM.
Whatever the reason, you state health but have not explained what it is about your health that makes working difficult, you need to look at your lifestyle choices first before reaching out with the begging bowl.
You may be very grateful in the future that your DF is careful with his money, at least he will be able to fund himself in retirement and if he needs care in the future.

Why would you even want him too? He sounds horrible. Personally I wouldn’t touch his money if I were you. Why would you want to be beholden to him?

I’ve got to say I’m on your side in general. Having seen close relatives who have more money than they know what to do with and can’t take it with them, I’ve always wondered why they don’t want to help family out more. Give grandkids a bit, help their children with important costs … I know I would in their position. Maybe I’m too nice. To me I would love to have enough to help my family whilst I’m ALIVE and they are young enough to make the most of it. Regardless of them being adults or not. If you have more than you can ever need or use, why not?

Me too OP. Never get a birthday or Xmas card even though relationship otherwise good. I just know I wouldn't be like it myself. I know he would help if I expressly asked, but I won't ask. I just don't understand why you wouldn't want to help your family if you had very good fortune. But who knows what goes through the minds of other people.

Op, my father is a millionaire and has always let it be known that he could and would help me if I ever needed help.
But, being totally arsey I would never ask him and never have. He’s 95 and I will inherit a lot when he goes.
So I would suggest talking with your dad; he won’t be aware that you would appreciate some help unless you tell him!

Yes, I think it is a bit grabby and entitled. My parents are pretty wealthy and they treat us to stuff (meals, the odd holiday) sometimes but I don’t expect anything more than that. I hope they might leave me money in their will but am not necessarily expecting that.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It doesn't really matter what you'd like the money for (within reason!). I am lucky enough to have parents that would do pretty much anything for me, whether financially or practically (and I have only ever once or twice asked for it - usually I don't need to ask). To the extent that I'm worried I won't be as selfless when it comes to my own child. But it means I can't imagine a parent not stepping in at the slightest hint of struggle, particularly if through by no fault of the child's. That's what being a parent means, isn't it? Just because some people are able to be independent and don't need or want that support doesn't mean that it's not the right thing to do. And it doesn't mean spoiling the child either. I was never spoiled, just supported when I needed it most.

You’re supposed to sort yourself out in life. Is his refusal a new thing - has he bailed you out often? I never asked my parents for anything and, apart from free childcare, dog and house sitting our children have never asked anything of us since they graduated and started work.
Given that background we would help them if we could, and it was short term, but your circumstances are not clear.

I've only read halfway through OP's updates.
The back story IS important if uou are asking for advice/opinions.
Yes, in a healthy relationship, a parent ought to help a child with a life changing illness or condition.
OP has said her father is abusive and a narcissist, so she is BU to expect anything, because it is not a healthy relationship.
Sorry OP - you are going to have to figure it out for yourself.

If I’m rich then so are my kids. Simple as that.

I wonder how entitled royal children are to people who think multi millionaire parents shouldn't help out their kids and grand kids. What's the point of wealth if it's not passed down? Why should only one person benefit from all of this wealth ? I think most people think that it's fine to sit on all that money because they don't want others who haven't worked for the money to get an advantage because of it. Because it's not fair on everyone else, who hasn't had advantages in life.

Make the royal family make sense then- they were literally the biggest thieves and bullies going and their kids are still living it up. How is that fair ?

There are lots of privileges in life- not just money. Having decent parents and a decent upbringing is also a privilege that many people do not have.

Life is unfair.

Yes life is unfair. A bit like it’s unfair that not everyone can afford to send their kids to private school and not everyone is healthy and not everyone is entitled to their parents millions.

Yes I am quite sure the royal family are entitled.

I think I would ask and in doing so explain how you would pay him back, at what rate etc

I agree they're very entitled. It doesnt make you any less entitled though.

And yes, life is unfair. I was taught that from a young age so I'm not sure why you're only becoming aware of this now.

There are people who are in much worse positions than you and you seem extremely ungrateful and entitled. Your kids are in private school, you have a partner and both currently have good salaries but you're upset because you may have to downgrade that slightly. It's not an unfortunate position no matter how much you try and frame it as one.

Also you've called your father a narcissist in one of your comments and I think you may want to read that definition and see if you fit the criteria because thinking you're entitled to someone else's wealth without earning it and thinking you have the right to expect someone else to pay for your kids private school education is the most narcissistic thing I've ever heard. You're also being rude to everyone on here and refusing to answer the many questions you've been asked despite you being the one who came on here to ask for advice. You're not entitled to people's advice either and commonly when people ask for advice, they will answer questions people ask to give the right advice. Not tell them 'details are not important, you don't understand, I know you'd all think that' etc etc. You need a reality check.