Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

He's a loser that's why.
Your daughter is lucky to have one decent parent.

Every other weekend and one evening a week is not taking an active role in his childs life

@Whaleandsnail6 EOW is a fairly common pattern, I think it’s unfair to say it’s not an active role in your child’s life?

I think it's not just about the practicalities of daughter getting to the hobby, this was probably time together that she enjoyed with her dad (even though it's just a car journey). I can imagine she might feel quite hurt that he doesn't share that feeling that it was time for them to enjoy each other's company.

How on Earth did the new partner manage before your ex came along to ferry her child around? What a shit parent he is. I do hope she's not trying to force a choice here to prove how important she is to him. I've walked that shitty mile myself. My son no longer has a father.

The hypocrisy on this thread is disgusting. Most on here proving that whatever a step parent does its wrong.

Will save this thread to pull out every time a step parent gets told to 'love them like your own', 'treat them the same', prioritising your own child will give the stepchild lifelong issues'.

This isn’t about a stepparent. This is about a parent prioritising his stepchild over his biological child that he already has a commitment to.

No they wouldn't, it's absurd that people are saying this. I would not expect one of my children to stop doing something to enable the other child to go to a new activity as that would be seen as favouritism.

It's also the dads time and he should be prioritising seeing his child.

"That's a real shame that you're prioritising someone else's child over DD. She's likely to remember it when she's older. As I have her best interests are heart, I'll take her."

That parent is a stepparent as is trying to step up for his step daughter as everyone expects step mums to. Just cos he's a bloke he's useless for doing this aparantly.

No he already had arrangements with your daughter who he doesn’t see very often he should have kept to doing this. Or at least arrange to see her another evening in the week. Plus he should have asked you first rather than just expecting you to do it.

If I referred to my stepchildren as "someone else's child" that would be the end of our relationship. We all know they are someone else's child but that sounds so cold and dismissive of a CHILD who can't go to a club, wants to go to a club their stepsibling can go so he's trying to even out the opportunities his children have

Her stepsister already has her Dad’s attention and presence one out of two weekends and four out of five weekdays. Now the stepsister will have her Dad five out of five weekdays, and the daughter will have zero out of five. That’s not sharing her Dad, that is losing him almost entirely.

Give over. I wouldn’t expect a stepmum to ditch her own child for a stepchild. If she was a decent stepmum maybe she’d intervene and tell her deadbeat boyfriend to see his child and she’ll work out how to get her own child to a club. Presumably she was able to get her kids places before the ex-H came along.

The majority of posters are saying "He needs to stand by his prior commitment." There is acknowledgement that in this situation it is even worse as he is totally ditching his daughter.

Treating them like your own is saying "that night can't happen, how about something on a different night."

He can't see his child any other day of the week because he picks his partner up from work? Sorry that is an absolutely shit poor excuse. She's a grown adult, how did she manage before this knight in shining armour came along? Shoes EXACTLY where his priorities lie.

Commitments change

Its not hypocritical to call out a parent for dropping his own child. If he had swappe evenings for example, it would be different.

"Loving them like your own" isn't abandoning their other children

Are a couple of people on this thread a bit thick? If one child in the 'family' has an existing commitment then any subsequent activities for other children are booked around that. My youngest goes to cubs on a Thursday so I can't take my eldest to swimming across town at the same time on a day that their dad will be working. He can however go on a different day, or at a different time. And yes, the child you don't live with and see 4 days a month should take priority. Buses and taxis exist. I can't drive either and I manage just fine.

You can tell the SMs on here - how often do you see them on the SM forum complaining about being asked to take SDC to x and y and being told - not your child not your problem.

Those same people are now saying - step dad should prioritise his step child over a long standing arrangement for his own DC. Not Step dads responsibiity to get his step child to her activity that sits with her mother.

Yes the EX can take her own daughter but Dad has just dropped contact, no discussion nd expects his EX to support the child care arrangements in his new family.

He and his new partner are CFs.

You're just trolling now.

Hardly abandoned. She has another parent taking her to her activity

That’s shit of him. He doesn’t see her very much. I imagine that once a week activity together is really important to her. He already has an arrangement so should stick to it and find an activity for SD on another day. Or if it is that important her mum needs to find a way to get there. I don’t drive and manage to get my kids to and from all their activities!

This would only be acceptable to me, if he was offering to see DD another evening. If he is just dropping contact to every other weekend, for the benefit of a SC he actually lives with, he is an appalling father. His DP needs to find her own way home from work, to facilitate this. What an arse. Your poor, second best, daughter. 😢

Maybe suggest his partner learns to drive to make life easier
In the meantime it’s good you can manage it.

And in doing that has halved the number of contact days with her father who lives with the girl in question for at least 50% of the time.