Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

No I'm a stepmum fed up of the absolute double standards

why didn’t you prioritise your own children? ….no way would I prioritise someone elses

What double standards? Feel free to support dead beat dads, you’re still wrong.

He's a shitty parent, there is no way this won't hurt your daughter. She's less important than someone who he barely knows.

You prioritise your kids….your partner prioritises theirs ….a ‘blended’ family shouldn’t make children equal as such….no one is going to love a step child like their own

Unfair on your DD, but at least you can take her. Was it not possible for the SD do her activity on another night? And perhaps his partner should learn to drive!

Yes it is absolutely unfair on your DD and whether you can drive is largely irrelevant. I imagine that you are capable of everything he is, so does that mean he gets out of doing anything for his DD at all?

His SD has two parents and they should be the ones figuring this out. If they can't drive, they can learn, or get a bus or whatever solution is available so their child can attend her activity. His responsibility is to his DD.

These piece of shit men who think it is acceptable to bin off their own DC in order to keep their new partner on side and just assume their ex will pick up the slack disgust me.

Saying that, you won't change him so yes, take your DD to her club and be assured she will see him for what he is and he will receive this lack of effort back tenfold when she hits her teens.

@QuizzicalPause but in this case it isn't double standards. Most of us are saying if you have 2 children whatever flavour they are, biological siblings, half or steps, you don't drop a commitment with one to prioritise the other. DD already had a commitment with dad, he has just dumped that to prioritise other child. He hasn't even offered to see her another time, even if he can't make the sport commitment. That is shit in anyone's books, or it should be.

News to all the step mums out there that get told they should treat all the kids the same.

😒😒

In this case DD does trump SD as she already had a commitment, both the sport and seeing her dad, he has dumped both

That’s not what step mums get told. It’s bullshit. The double standards on this thread is ridiculous.

Your DD comes first or should!

What a shit!

That is absolutely the right thing to do, outstanding commitments trump new ones regardless of the children involved.

Disappointing for dd. Could he do another evening? Perhaps take her for dinner instead?

Well it's only fair he pays for a taxi. If she's got a couple of other pals locally then they could share the taxi, at least part of the way. But it should be him funding it if he's withdrawn transport?
Presuming it's not feasible for her to use PT?

I know you will take your daughter to sport. However, your daughter needs her dad as she is getting older and entering the teen years. I might say to him…that’s Ok, I’ll take her to sport on Wednesday, but how about you spending time with her another evening during the week?

I do hope that you have told your ex, "it's fine to cancel, but you can explain why to your daughter." This is on him and he should own it, after all, heaven forfend if you should put a negative spin on it...

Couldn’t he even do alternate Wednesday evenings?

Ok..thats going to screw up my step kids lives but who am I? Just their step mum..

Errrm, he doesn't need to please his stepdaughter - she has two parents of her own that could take her.

I'd tell him that you're sure your DD won't be upset that he's putting a SD ahead of her. What a great dad 🤦🏻‍♀️

Where is SDs dad?

But the Stepchild isn’t losing out here. The step child wants to START a hobby that would take away from OP’s daughter doing a longstanding hobby AND seeing her dad once a week. Stepchild should not have been signed up for something that her parents can’t get her to - OP’s Ex-H already had a commitment to his daughter.