Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

I’d be pretty sad for your daughter.
that her dad has even suggested this.
not because you can’t take her, not because you don’t want to take her, but because he can’t be arsed and so readily and easily willing to disappoint his daughter and give up time with her.

He's cutting his contact with DD by 50 % - surely you can see how that could actually devastate his DD?

She doesn’t stay overnight with him on the Wednesday so maintenance is irrelevant here

I’m rather on the fence with this one.

On one hand, I can see the OP’s point. However there is now a new child in the OP’s ex’s life, and with any blended family, time and resources become diluted. Life and commitments change, and previously set-in-stone arrangements need to flex sometimes

You should take her and be happy if this is all you have to complain about in your co-parenting relationship with your ex.

Exactly, think about what you've got, not what you haven't.
Perfection dosent exist once you split up.

.

To some extent it would depend on times/distances involved, and whether the arrangement was forming part of his contact with dd. It sounds like he was just providing a taxi service rather than the two of them spending quality time together? And it's quite likely that the practicalities are that it's far easier for you to do the parental taxi run directly than your ex having to drive from his house to yours and then on to the location, followed by the same in reverse. But if he has dd from school through to dinner and overnight on that day, then yes he is a being unreasonable to drop dd for another child (sd or biological).

It's not about having to take her - it's about DD having her contact time with Dad cut in half. For the benefit of his SD, who he sees every day!

He sounds awful. But for your dd's sake, perhaps ask him to take her to one of her other sports so he still sees her on a weekly basis

Absolutely.

If contact time midweek is the issue there are 3 more days when he can have some time with his daughter. It’s not an insurmountable problem.

OP has already said that he can't do that /isn't willing to accommodate it.

"Apreciate the heads up. As you know, it's a paid in advance, monthly club so I assume this will be effective from [date] as the subs are already paid. When you pick dd up next weekend, can you please let her know. Thanks."

Could do or she might not actually care that much

What am I reading?? Your dad’s girlfriend’s daughter is not your sister, or half sibling even!
Ex needs to prioritise his own DD- it’s one thing stepping up to help with girlfriends DD, but not when it means dumping his own DD. “Sorry I’ve already got a commitment on Wednesdays so I can’t take SD.”
I feel bad for your DD.

By my reckoning that still leaves one “weeknight” evening free.

It sounds quite serious though if he's taking her to clubs and stuff. You don't do that for just a fling so I'd expect an engagement and possibly a baby

Where does it say she has a half sibling? It’s not even a step sibling. It’s dad’s girlfriend’s child.

He sees his daughter every other weekend and one day in the week. So 4 weekend days each month and 4 week days each month. He’s just halved the number of days he sees his child. What a wanker. It’s not really even about the other kid. It’s that he’s making it clear he doesn’t see his daughter as a priority. She will see it that way too.

Lets ignore the step parent versus biological parent debate and reframe the AIBU.....

"Alfie has been taking nephew 1 to an activity every wednesday night for a long time now, I want my son to do a similar activity on a wednesday, I can't get him there so I've decided Alfie will take my child (who happens to be nephew 2) to this new Wednesday activity. Alfie has said he'll do it, I'm not being unreasonable am I?"

I think we would all agree that this is absolutely bloody unreasonable and Alfie is a shit for ditching his longstanding commitment with nephew 1 to play favourites with nephew 2!

It's about the fact he is ditching out on a prior commitment with no discussion!!

Honestly I feel like I'm in an alternate reality sometimes and it's no wonder there is no consideration anymore when people have such low standards!

Sorry I'm not answering individually- I can't remember who has said what!

Ex is not prepared / unable to do another evening.

The step sisters Dad is in the picture so I'm not sure why he isn't taking her.

Ex's partner is able to have lessons but chooses not too.

It's not a typo about him having her just one week in the summer hols. He doesn't have her any of the other holidays either.

He’s a rubbish specimen of a father OP.

He's said he can't do that. I don't think the real issue here is the activity. Even if the OP does step up and take her, she still losing out on a weekly contact with her dad - doesn't matter if its not that long, its regular, weekly and just them. When the contact is as little as EOW, that bit of time matters. The OP has said he won't do another day in leiu of the Wednesdays so what he is actually saying is that his SD's new hobby is taking priority over him seeing his DD. I honestly don't see how that can be justified.

Its not about double standards - actually what I see on here a lot is stepmums being told not to be put upon as readymade childcare and to NOT facilitate this sort of thing, that its between the bio parents to sort out. I'd love to know what the step daughter's dad can't take her.

It’s not her sister though is it. It’s her dad’s partner’s daughter. They’re not related.

Your ex is a dick.

Sadly I expect your DD will come to that realisation before too long.

Does she enjoy the weekends she spends with him?