Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

exactly this

She might not be able to drive

Exactly! It would be the same in our house re playing favourites.

Well no he has 1 child and a partner who has a child. I take it they are not married so technically op dd hasn't got a half sibling her dad has a girlfriend who has a kid even if they were married she would have a step sibling not a half sibling.

Op your ex is being a dick. His child should come first in this situation seen as it's a long standing arrangement..

He simply doesn’t care and wants to please his partner over his daughter.Weak man who puts his own child last.

Are you the stepmum who can't be bothered to take your own child in a taxi/on public transport or find a club on a convenient night, by any chance? 😂

That is so shit of him. He should be saying he can't do it as he already has committments with his own child that night. If I was his partner I would really struggle with his lack of responsibility towards his own child.

He has a child and a step child. (Not a half sibling)

His child should be his priority over anyone else!!!

No wonder so many children grow up resentful of shit parents who think because they live elsewhere that they don't have to prioritise their own child.

In which case it's utterly unreasonable of her to sign her child up to an activity when the only way the kid can go is if her step-dad drops a longstanding arrangement for his own daughter. What kind of person would be that inconsiderate? If she can't get her there herself (or arrange lifts with friend/her actual father) then she should have said the child had to pick something on a different night.

I think you’ll find it’s really only 1 poster.

OP ultimately this isn’t about the sport, or whether you can or can’t take her or her kissing out innit. This is about the ONLY quality time she has with dad - possibly alone- being dropped for someone else’s child. If you don’t have a partner your child has 2 parents, the other child has 3 (and possibly a shit dad too) who could be interested in her. This isn’t about a second biological family this is about a crap dad becoming even crapper. And it isn’t a race to the bottom of crap dads….. I feel for you Op and really for your DD as I’m sure this will impact her relationship significantly with him. Ultimately, he is going to miss out on your fabulous dd. More fool him

It’s not a race to the bottom.

Every other weekend and a week in the summer is piss poor.

It sounds like Wednesday is the only evening SD can do a hobby so they've decided since you are available to take your DD to her hobby then that's ok. But he really should try to make it up to her. Even if it is after her hobby he could still come and take her out for an hour or something. It's the time together that matters, not the activity.

Sorry @BreezyAquaCrow I stand corrected.

And so disappointed.

Yes, I know you shouldn't have to but would he be likely to be open to it if you suggested he took her out for tea regularly on one of the non-sport nights to make up for it?

But how can he know that DM is able to take her. He’s done this without checking, already signed DSC up. Would be different if he had has said, ex-wife, I know I’ve take DC to sport for a while on a Wed but DC2 really wants to do X and we have no other way of getting them there. Would you mind taking DC1 in future and I will have DC another night of the week.

@PassingStranger “Carry on causing rows and the poor girl won't see her dad at all.”

The “poor girl” probably won’t want to see him, if he continually puts his sd before her, because that’s how she is going to see it! She probably feels shit that she sees him so little at the moment, but in her eyes, she will now see that he is reducing even this little time and prioritising his sd over her. Don’t consider how the adults feel, consider how this 11 year old girl feels!

He's probably making sure "everything is alright at home", which doesn't make it less shitty.
My halfwit cousin similarly turned his back on his own son, in favour of his stepson, to smooth his partner over (she owns the house and everything else).

Why can’t the SD’s mum take her? They can get a bus or something. Or she can do a hobby her mum can get her too.

It’s not her Stepdad’s responsibility to parent her. Especially not at the expense of parenting his own child.

There are some depressing responses on this thread.

This. And he sees her one week in summer holidays? Was that a typo?

Can't the Dad of the child taking up the sport take his daughter?

Then each Dad is spending a night with their daughter and each Mum might get a little downtime.

Perhaps your ex could swap from the Wednesday night sport to one of the other two nights at sport you mention.

I think you can probably find a solution to this but hold your ground if you can about your daughter seeing her Dad one night a week.

My DC spend every other weekend with their Dad, and he takes them to their sports activities 2 nights a week and brings them home after.

They are so much happier seeing their Dad every week, and have gone from seeing him EOW 4 days in a month to 12 days a month (though 8 of those are not overnight), they all have a closer, much healthier relationship.

Your DD will be going from seeing her Dad 8 days a month to just 4 days a month, with 2 weeks in between the contacts. It is HORRIBLE of him to do this to her, I can imagine her feelings of disappointment and rejection.

I would ask him to check if SD can do her activity on another day, and he can take her then, given he sees his SD everyday already. Your ex needs to maintain the relationship with your DD, or he may lose her in future.

On the flip side of all this, when my DSC were younger, we facilitated all their hobbies. My own children’s hobbies had to fit around theirs as they were their first and already committed. As they were old it was only a few years over lap but we didn’t ask them to stop anything to suit the younger children!

Totally agree the way he's done it is bad

Also when does poor OP get an evening to herself? This guy is such a prick.