Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

I know what a low bar is.

But what is don’t know and what no one will say is HOW do you get a father to step up if he doesn’t want to?

The answer is YOU CAN’T.

Some people are just not good parents.
The rest of us can’t fix them.
Nobody can.
We can only be responsible for our own behaviour.

This hurts my heart for your DD. It would be mildly annoying if your ex asked to swap days with you and take your DD to her sport on another day because his SD needed him, but that doesn't seem the situation here. He's decided that the minimal amount of parenting he does do is too much and he isn't prepared to give up another of his evenings to maintain it throughout this logistical challenge. He's an arse.

Your dads girlfriends child isnt your half sibling!

Actually the daughters doing sports 3 nights a week.
Christ everything is about the kids, when do the parents get to pursue their sport or hobby.

In a few years time when the daughter dosent want to go to dad's anymore cos she's out with her boyfriend who will care about the dad then?
He will be expected to suck it up. People will be saying you can't make her!!!🙄

If that’s really the case then why isn’t the stepmum treating the op’s daughter with priority? Given those arrangements were already in place way before?!

Nobody will care.

they care now because this is an adult actively choosing someone else other than his own child.

Why can't the mother take a bloody taxi!!
Is this not the most logical answer?

Now there’s a point.

Because she already does multiple sports on 3 nights a week… and she can still get to her sport because of the OP.
DSD wouldn’t be able to get to the sport without him.
So even if he isn’t taking her then she can still go and it works out equal for both kids.

She’s got her partner to drive her daughter!
She isn’t interested in his prior commit his own daughter.

If any of it is even the truth!!

all OP knows is what the father has told her.

He might have made it up to get out of his commitment on Wednesday nights.
Nobody knows! 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s not nice but this is the reality.

Because the ex has always taken his daughter to her sport activity on this evening. It is far more resonable for him to take his step daughter on another day. It’s quite simple to understand

I don’t think 2 nights out of 7 excessive

It’s also simple to understand that the activity she may want to do is not available on another day.

The real father is probably none of these things

@Myneeboots then someone else connected to her side of the family sorts it out, the ex already has a commitment (seeing his DD and taking her to sport). It’s not like he sees DD much already, so he should be prioritising the time he can see her

Exactly! It’s irrelevant. Nobody knows and it doesn’t matter anyway because it changes nothing about OP’s situation.

She would be able to attend just one a DIFFERENT DAY

But that doesn’t mean we should have low bars for fathers. The OP is rightly pissed off at her ex’s shitty decision. He hardly sees his child as it is, and his decision to stop spending Wednesday evenings with her as she does her hobby is outrageous.

Your point is very strange in regards to the OP’s situation. I don’t really understand why you quoted me in the first place either.

Then that is tough I’m afraid. The father has a longstanding commitment and the step mother will have to sort her daughter out

And for all you know she doesn’t have anyone else to take her which then leaves her step dad and fair play to him for stepping up.
After all… step parents should be treating step kids as their own.
Both kids can get to their sports and everyone’s happy except OP who might have to do an extra journey.

Commitments change, life changes, availability alters.
Both kids can get to their sports this way. OP will have to suck it up.

How, please, do you propose to ‘raise the bar’?
how would you hold this father to account?

I can’t see a way it can be realistically done. But if you can, please share it here.

Op does the other two night. I imagine she appreciates a couple of hours to herself for one evening a week

The father has made his decision.
He’s driving his step child.
Now what do you suggest?

I think you are projecting your own issues here. The responsibility of getting the step daughter to her activity lands fair and square with her own mother and father. Asking the step father to do it and get him to dump his daughter from a long standing arrangement is not reasonable it’s nasty

SD father needs to take her or her mum needs to take her via public transport. Tell him he needs to explain to daughter that she can't go as he's chosen instead to take somebody else's child ... he's told you so you can step in or you can tell her ... push back.