Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

@JFDIYOLO I did wonder if it was partly that.
His partner doesn't seem hugely keen on me (I've genuinely no idea why!)

Realistically though, what else can be done? You can’t make him spend a midweek evening with her. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Has he explained his decision to DD? I wonder how he would word it.

He hardly sees his own daughter and now will be seeing her even less. He is prioritising his step-daughter over his own daughter. He sounds like a shit dad.

NOBODY cares about the kids enough that they stayed together in the first place and didn't create these problems.
Poor kids it's down to the parents the situation they find themselves in down to the parents......
Don't divorce or don't have kids problems solved.
Anyone who split ups then open themselves up to the blended family situation.
Don't complain cos it's not the same.
Only getting one side of the story as usual too.

Exs step daughter has 2 able bodied parents. The onus should be on them. It would be amazing for the ex to treat his step child fairly.... but he isn't. He is prioritising his step child over his own child.

I never said OP can force the father to see the child less. I was replying to the poster who said OP should be grateful for what she gets as plenty of fathers do worse. I'm merely saying plenty of fathers do worse because they are not held to better standards ! By their families, by their friends, by their new partners, by population as a whole. Women are expected to pick up, shut up and be grateful for the bare minimum.

you said something about how the dad would be expected to suck it up if she decided to reduce contact later as though that was the equivalent to her having to suck it up now if he does.

@PassingStranger I'm not sure what the other side of the story would be - ex is no longer taking DD and that's it 🤷🏼‍♀️

oh sweet lord…….

Classic deadbeat dad. Sorry OP, must be hard for you

Because when DH & I signed the Step kids up to do hobbies, we made that commitment to them. Us then going on to have children together doesn’t override that commitment.

This could very well be the case. Or the ex is choosing of his own freewill to devote his time more to his ‘new’ family and backing off from his daughter. It’s not really important why it’s happening, because knowing why won’t change anything.

He’s not willing / able (for whatever reason) to spend a midweek evening with his daughter. There’s no power on earth that can make him do so. Even if he decided to drop from every other weekend to just a Saturday or a weekend once a month or no contact at all, there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

And as painful and annoying as this is, please just know this isn’t the worst thing an ex can do in a co-parenting situation, by a long way.

Are you a man or just a pick me girl ? I see your name popping up regularly protecting shitty men.

oh fuck right off with that. I didn't ask my ex to disappear to the other end of the country with OW after a long marriage and planned kids. I never expected to being dealing with maintenance and contact and alternate Christmas' and trying to console my kids when they are last in the pecking order AGAIN. Most of us RPs are like the OP here - doing 99% of everything and managing the shit-show that is the feckless twat who thinks 4 days a month is good parenting. We don't know why the OP and her ex are divorced, it may have been a mutual thing, but what it isn't is not caring about the kids. The "Staying together for the kids" schtick left the building some decades ago. Yes its difficult dealing with these issues but if your ex is a cheat, or abusive, there's not much option.

That's fair and different because your commitment to them stood first. OPs situation is different as her child is getting dropped for her step sister who has 2 actual parents too

It's not out of order if she did that she'd be well within her right to and he'd have to lump it

It's not just about who can drive, this is about time he spent with his daughter. He does the basic minimum with her to begin with. I think it is totally unreasonable for him to drop his child because his current partner can't drive her child.

You genuinely sound quite insane

Oh yes absolutely, that’s what I’m saying. We were pretty much in this situation in reverse (although DH was father to all children). I never stopped DSCs hobbies once mine were old enough to want to do them.They choose something on another night or waiting until DSC no longer wanted to do hobbies.

Does your ex live with his partner and child? Is the biological father in the picture?

I don’t how anyone can hold such people to “better standards” if they’re determined to behave badly.

The sort of parents who let their children down don’t go to their friends and say, ‘I’ve decided not to take Mary to football on Wednesday’s anymore’ - they say things like ‘Mary’s mum won’t let me take her to football anymore’. They play the victim, and get sympathy.

Realistically what do you expect to happen to this dad, for example? Should we expect his neighbours to shun him in the street? Be refused service in shops? Be reprimanded at work?

How would they even know what’s really happened? How would his colleagues or mates know? OP doesn’t even know what’s changed except for what he’s told her.

He sounds like a typical selfish cunt -man......
Fortunate your daughter has you x

Tell him to tell his daughter the news. Don't do his dirty work for him....bastard!!