Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

Why does he have her do little in the holidays? Does he go on holiday with SD @crazycattlady0

You are insane. I'm reading your responses and feel sorry for your child. Treating them as equal as possible is great but prioritising your step child over your own child is disgusting. You are telling us all that you would stop taking your own child to sport and take the step child instead? Wow just wow. This is what's wrong with the world. Usually men just jumping into new relationships playing daddy to kids that are not their own at the price of actually damaging their own. Clearly some mothers do the same.

wow. Ok then. Yeah cos most 9 year olds are pretty blase about seeing their parents🙄And upthread you suggested that it would be out of order if the dd later decided not to see her dad much when she's older. There's absolutely nothing in the OP that would suggest this child won't care about that contact lessening further. And even if she didn't really process what it means for the relationship, the adults SHOULD know that going to 4 days a month is NOT a meaningful relationship.

And upthread you suggested that it would be out of order if the dd later decided not to see her dad much when she's older. I did no such thing

If dad can take my own child then sure. Why not? Then all kids can go

Ask for him to see her more of the holidays then? If he says no then you've offered

Please everyone? It’s his daughter!

Those people sticking up for the Dad, have you looked at OP's latest post?

He won't see her any other night of the week.
Step child has her own Dad who could take her but isn't for some reason.
He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays.

This doesn't strike me as a man who cares that much for his child.

A mother should not have to ask her child’s father to see more of his child.

Any decent father would offer himself and would want to actively see his child at any available opportunity.

Why is the bar so fucking low here?

So OP should drop her standard and her child should be OK with seeing her father less because several millions of other men in the world don't bother at all? Insane

How about we start comparing to the dads that do more and require those standards in all? And we wonder why society has gone to shits when even women pull down the standard for themselves.

He’s not available on two other midweek evenings, but that still leaves one possibility, if everyone wants to make it work. But there’s the problem. Perhaps he’s backing off, it happens a lot, sadly, particularly with fathers.

The bottom line is you can’t make a parent have contact with a child, you can only make the child available, even with a court order.

How do you propose to force the father to spend time with his daughter?

Perhaps he’s backing off from this child and devoting his time to his new family. This does happen, especially with fathers.

There’s nothing OP can do about it, the ball is entirely in his court. Nobody can force a parent to have contact with his / her child.

He might be assuming it's "her time" and not wanting to encroach. If he can't be arsed to ask then if she asks she can say she offered should her DD ever query why her dad couldn't be bothered

Who lives with him full time whilst he will now only see his daughter 4 days a month.

I'd be raging OP. Its such a shitty thing to do to his daughter.

Why is the bar so low on ex partners?

What does this even mean?

It's really shit of him. Children can often cope really badly when a parent gets a new partner who has children - particularly if they end up living with them. He should be way more sensitive to her needs at this particular moment in time and prioritising a new arrangement with his SC over spending time with his own child will make her feel like shit.

Having said all that, there is nothing you can do about it. I honestly wouldn't even say anything to him. I would start taking my daughter myself, I would tell him to explain to her why he can no longer take her, I would give her lots of love and support and I would leave him to royally fuck up his relationship with her. You aren't responsible for that- he is. Just be there for her.

No, not true. OPs ex is a step parent to his partners DD. That would make exs partner a step parent to exs DD. The issue is her as well as she is clearly prioritising her own daughter fully then by being OK with her partner dropping his own child. Both of them are horrible

I have no words for this inane comment. Give your head a wobble and then think about it again

It's not a typo about him having her just one week in the summer hols. He doesn't have her any of the other holidays either.

Wow. What a wanker.

Only she's not her sister and he's not her father! Nice try tho

The only person prioritising the dd is the op. The ‘dad’ and SM aren’t. So if those screaming on here about how they must treat stepchildren the same, why isn’t the SM doing that to the dd?

If they nurture the bond it could be though

She is also getting to an age where there will be more weight in her opinions about with whom and where she spends her time. He will realise soon enough the errors of his way when she holds him at arms length.

His partner's flexing her muscles and putting on the pressure. And because he has to live with her not you he is placating her