He says I love a painting more than him

[BeLimeTiger]

I have a painting in my living room that was a gift from my ex who was an art collector. I didn’t make a secret of where it came from when he asked me a couple of years back. It’s of a bird, so not a sexy nude or a scene from a place we went together. I agreed that we wouldn’t have it in a prominent place if we bought a house together (I was thinking maybe in a spare room). He said last night that it feels really uncomfortable about it (he now lives in my house) and compared it to him having a picture of his ex on the wall. I love it as a piece of art and don’t think of my ex when I look at it. I could sell it but the stubborn part of me wonders why I should get rid of something I love to make someone else happy. We’ve been together for over 3 years and my experience of him is that he’s not jealous or controlling.

I felt completely blindsided by him suddenly bringing it up last night and he took my reluctance to agree to take it down as a sign that I love the painting more than him.

YABU- sell the painting. Your DP feels uncomfortable about it being in the house
YANBU- sell it when you buy somewhere together

Bloody hell, this man has landed on his feet, hasn't he?

Where's your room for yourself? Where can you go to if you need some time on your own?

This! Absolutely this!

if it was a picture of your ex, perhaps then he may have a point. It’s a picture of a bloomin’ bird and you love it. My response would be to tell him that the bird stays. Otherwise it becomes controlling behaviour because if roles were reversed, you would not expect this of him.

Perhaps he needs to go on an art appreciation course? or better still - how to keep his ego in check and grow up. Yes, you had a life before him. He needs to get over it and stop being so immature.

Personally I think he is being ridiculous. It's not as if you've got a portrait of your ex on the wall!

Sorry to inform you but your partner is insecure and controlling. What do you get rid of next… items of jewellery/a favourite dress? Your kids? You HAD a life before him. It helped make you the person you are, the person he likes/loves?

What you do now will determine this man’s actions in future.

In my second marriage, I wasn’t supposed to have loved or cared about anyone, including my son’s father. It was hopeless. I LOVED my second husband more than I’d loved anyone but his lack of emotional maturity in this matter, was ultimately why I divorced him, reluctant as I was.

This is utterly ridiculous! My DH has numerous gifts from ex GF taking pride of place in our house because he likes what they are. He was bought a really expensive chess board by one, which he uses all the time.

I too have a piece of art, an original that my ex bought me and I love it, so there's no way it'd be going anywhere. Plus it reminds me of the happy times I had with him.

Be wary, OP as he seems very insecure and this could be a very slippery slope now he's moved in your home. All the other commands could start creeping in if he gets his way on this.

Who do these barrell scraping imbiciles think they are?!

So, if you didn’t agree would he say he would have to move out, you are making him and child homeless therefore he would need part value of your own house?

I can't vote, because I don't think you should get rid of the painting at all. And for god sakes please don't buy a house with him. I would reassess the whole relationship at this point. I certainly hope he is paying his way.

Keep the painting, ditch the partner.

He’s a W ⚓️

I agree. He sounds ridiculous.

Keep the painting. It's beautiful and doesn't whine.

How do you think he'd have a claim to OP's house? It's her house and they're not married. If the relationship ends he can go back to renting a flat.

Don’t get rid of it at all. I wear a pair of diamond studs every day that my ex husband bought for me. I’ve worn them for years and I love them. I don’t think of him when I look at myself in the mirror. I think it’s pretty controlling and insecure of him to even think this. It’s not like you’ve got photos of the two of you together up around the house. That would be something that would be understandable to be bothered about, this no.

I agree with this

So. He's managed to move past the HOUSE which you bought with an ex, presumably because he's benefitting massively form having his own office as well as a bedroom for his children.

But a single painting, of a bird which you enjoy, from an ex, keeping that is a statement that you love the ex more than you love him.

Why isn't keeping the house also a statement that you love that ex more than you love him?

Honestly OP, his discomfort over this is very much how my bfs in my 20s were. We were young, we would fret over photos and mementos of previous partners. However, once you're far enough into adulthood, you grow enough to realise that if we got rid of everything someone purchased with someone else, or was from someone else, we'd need to clear everything out. It's unhinged and controlling if he's now barely speaking to you.

And for the 'gender switch' crowd who have of course already commented: yes, if it were a man whose house had been moved into, and he had a painting of a bird on the wall from his ex and he loved that painting, I would also say the woman needs to just grow up and deal with it. Or get her own place if it's making her that uncomfortable.

Is there any reason why you're not answering the question about his financial contributions to the household. Is he getting a free ride?

There should be a third option. Keep the painting you love and tell him to get over his insecurities.

You will regret selling your painting, especially as it's not you who wants to get rid of it. If he has that kind of reaction and insecurity over a piece of art, it speaks volumes about him. It's your house, your painting. He needs to grow up and accept it

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This Is the start of him being a controlling arse. Tell him to grow up. I hope you’ve made sure he cannot have any stake in your property!

Tell him that it's NOT like having a pic of his ex on the wall, it's like him having a picture of a bird on the wall. It's not of your ex and it's not even like your ex painted it. I would tell him the issue here is his deep insecurity and not the painting and that's something he can only fix for himself, you can't do it for him

Nhmm, not a fan of either option as don't think you should have to get rid at all. We have artwork in my house that is by my DH's ex girlfriend, I love the pieces so we have them up - no reason to be insecure imo

Unless you're very young or have never been in a relationship we're all going to have things we bring from previous relationships into new ones; favourite songs, recipes, places visited and, for both of you, DC. You can't just ditch everything from the past and wipe the slate clean. Your partner is being ridiculous OP. If he doesn't like your house and possessions he can find his own.

Strange response. Almost as if he's testing you or has created an issue in his mind. If you love the painting, keep it.

My god, barely spoken to you?!

Jeez this guy needs kicking all the way to the scrapheap if he's punishing you for wanting to keep something that was on the scene well before he ever was.

Get rid now because this is where it all starts to go down hill rapid!