Dh making us drive in red warning

[BlueFoxel]

It just so happens dh and I have been on the Welsh coast for the past few days enjoying a mini break before our wedding. Was sent the emergency alarm earlier today. We are due to set off tomorrow morning in the middle of the red warning for wind. I have shared my concerns with dh but he really does not care at all. Dh thinks I am dramatic at the best of times and has totally dismissed my fears. He has a football game he is wanting to drive back home for. He is very arrogant

I am really bloody stressed out.

Please tell me I am being crazy and everything will be fine.

Tell him (and mean it) that you and the dogs will make your own way back when it's safe. His response will be telling.

Sounds like a man who needs a partner with low esteem to bully and feel superior to because that's the only way he can only feel like a big man. Not healthy for a relationship but sadly I think you'll settle for him. Just bear in mind that as he gets older and starts to feel that other, younger men are overtaking him this will only get worse.

Exactly my question.

@BlueFoxel You describe him as arrogant, he's gaslighting your concerns following a government warning.

Yes call it off it's not too late.

Which match is it? Crystal Palace? If so the weather here is v rough and I'd be surprised if it goes ahead.

@BlueFoxel if he does not make that football match, I bet it will be all your fault!! you made him go to wales in the first place!!

The old bridge will undoubtedly stay closed. With the winds forecast as they are, and the disastrous consequences if something should happen, I can’t see the second crossing reopening until tomorrow. So your route, as I said last night, would be all the way up to Gloucester through the Forest of Dean, hugging the River Severn closely - so through an area all covered in trees, and along a flood plain, in a red wind warning. That is totally irresponsible. Places you pass through, if indeed the roads are open, were flooded just a couple of weeks ago in the last storm. Emergency services will take time to reach you out there and should be focussing on unavoidable emergencies and not your twat of a partner who thinks his Beemer has some sort of magic force field which makes him immune to conditions. Do not get in the car with him.

He’s arrogant, horrendous and embarrassing. He gaslights you. He dismisses your concerns. You know you are stuck in a cycle of deference and deprioritising yourself and pretending that your opinion isn’t as important as his but are setting yourself up for a life of being ignored and put last anyway. A closed bridge is a minor problem in the scheme of things. Have you ever seen the film “sliding doors”? Maybe one to watch over Christmas.

You don’t have to leave at the same time as him. You are not a child or a dog. You think you have to do what he tells you but you don’t.

A lot of the M4 is closed now - totally pointless trying to get home today.

If it’s the Liverpool derby it’s been cancelled

You sound absolutely insufferable.

This with knobs on.

@BlueFoxel Every cloud has a silver lining. This time, Storm Darragh has shown up his true colours.

This will be your life if you stay with him.

Whether it's choices over money, houses, work, children's behaviour - he'll undermine you and make you feel inferior.

@MerlotMisery Explain?

@BlueFoxel

Here’s a link to the roads currently closed across Wales, hopefully useful to you:

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/roads-closed-wales-due-storm-30534651?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0JikDugU06y8utvzRUre6neaAyzsbuUs9kJMqcDNBZrSD1x5n78y1mXzM_aem_lqJwRAfS1lptMK5HnGyUHQ

You don't have to 'hope' you can stay another night. You can. What you do is your choice and you are allowed to make it for yourself.

I was going to say that you need to work on your passivity for the sake of future children whose lives he might endanger, but actually you deserve to advocate for yourself. Now. This man doesn't have a right to put your life at risk and make you do something you're unhappy with.

You aren't stuck being passive and conflict-averse forever. It's not a fixed trait that you have to accept. You can learn to stand up for yourself; it isn't easy but it gets easier over time and you will be much happier and more confident when you are able to set boundaries and stick to them. This would be a really good place to start.

Ask yourself, if he had been insistent on sticking to the plan, would you have put yourself and the dogs in the car? What would you be thinking then in the event of an accident (or even just a long and miserable delay?) What would you be wishing you had done?

Don't get in the car today. Tell him it's stupid to drive in a red warning and you aren't going to travel. And then stick to your guns. Once you've done it in one situation, you can do it again the next time.

Consider whether you want to marry an arrogant, dismissive man who would put you at risk for the sake of his hobby.

@MissLeToe definitely not set the bar too low and very happy with the life DH and I have. Again, you're proving the point that having never met me or DH, you feel capable of judging our relationship based on less than 250 words.

I'm simply pointing out that social media is so quick to encourage people to ditch their partners, when really we all have flaws and sometimes it's about learning to work around them. DH and I disagree far less now than we did when we were first married. We've both learnt where our red lines are and what motivates the other.

Of course there are limits to any behaviour and if this is happening constantly, with no sign of any improvement, then OP would be better off moving on but I do think we set unrealistic expectations for relationships on social media platforms such as this. All of my friends moan about their hubbies from time to time, it's completely normal. Only OP can work out if she thinks her fiance is so controlling it's time to leave him. I'm not sure anyone on here is able to make that judgement having never met him and read 500 words about him wanting to drive home in a storm.

OP wait the storm out, with or without him, and take some time to evaluate the relationship in a few days time if you still feel the need. Best advice, as I say, is having the confidence to say no if you don't want to travel and demonstrating that you are self sufficient.

@MissLeToe

Not sure where the happy birthday came from 😂

OP you were right. The storm hit and the roads are closed.

so how has he reacted? Has he said ‘you called it - let’s have a cosy extra day here. I’m sad about the football I was looking forward to it ’

or is he sulking?

communication in tricky times is everything in a marriage as there will be a lot of them

Why?
They've cancelled most football matches, as well as race meets. The Liverpool Derby is cancelled and they don't do that lightly. There's road and lane closures. They are travelling for no reason.

Please tell me I am being crazy and everything will be fine.

Your first post last night.

So, you were hoping to get replies confirming that your partner was right.

He's told you that you were 'crazy' and it would be safe.

He's made you doubt yourself (and ignore the emergency warning signal sent to Wales and the SW.)

Sadly, this shows how he's eroded the little confidence you had, your ability to think for yourself, to make decisions , so much so that you have to ask a bunch of strangers online to confirm he was right.

How can you possibly think about marrying a man who does this?

Please consider therapy to sort out the damage your parents did with their controlling behaviour . There is a belief that sometimes 'women marry their fathers' and in many cases, it's true.

You've gone from being controlled by your parents to being in a relationship that's identical.

I'm not sure anyone on here is able to make that judgement having never met him and read 500 words about him wanting to drive home in a storm.

@Creamcrackered10 You're the only person so far in all these posts who's not seeing the situation for what it is. Maybe you've not read the OP's other posts.

Your own life isn't relevant nor is that of your friends who 'moan'. If you see this situation as a 'moan' you're missing the point.

Are you starting to think he is a bit stupid?

Car insurance is not invalidated by driving in a red warning.

@3luckystars I agree. This makes him look very stupid indeed and that's incredibly unattractive.

Hope he sees sense but assuming he doesn't please use this situation to assert yourself. It feels like this could be a pivotal moment in your relationship.

I’m afraid your strict upbringing has attracted you to this type, all a bit Freudian.