Dh making us drive in red warning

[BlueFoxel]

It just so happens dh and I have been on the Welsh coast for the past few days enjoying a mini break before our wedding. Was sent the emergency alarm earlier today. We are due to set off tomorrow morning in the middle of the red warning for wind. I have shared my concerns with dh but he really does not care at all. Dh thinks I am dramatic at the best of times and has totally dismissed my fears. He has a football game he is wanting to drive back home for. He is very arrogant

I am really bloody stressed out.

Please tell me I am being crazy and everything will be fine.

He can’t make you set off if you don’t feel it’s sensible to do so. This is a serious storm. It’s battering London right now.

And so common for some men to become patronising know-it-alls just because you’ve deferred to their knowledge in the past. For years, I too often went along with my ex, as he’d say things with such conviction, until I realised he often talked utter shite. When you’ve been in a long-term relationship, I find it helps to check yourself by thinking what you’d do on your own.

Trust your own judgement. Your reasoning and feelings are valid and he should respect them. Even if he thinks you’re being over-anxious, he should respect that and be considerate and compromising, rather than dismissive. We’re not all the same.

After this storm is over, you should have a serious think about carrying on with this relationship.

Arrogant, controlling men often choose subservient, low-esteem women. This is because those women don't push back. They simply enable a bully/ controlling man to have his own way.

If this is what you want for life, that's your choice.

I guess on the one hand his 'dominance' makes you feel safe because you don't need to make decisions. You fall into a passive role as that suits you a lot of the time.

But his behaviour over this shows he doesn't care about you at all.
He'd put a football match above your life.

I'm currently listening to Radio 4 news and the weather situation in Wales and the SW. It's horrendous with blocked roads and falling trees.

If he still insists on travelling he's a bigger fool than you think.

If you’re SE London, the match will be cancelled. Winter Wonderland is closed today and Chiswick House have cancelled their Christmas Events.

Thankfully, some people see the risk isn’t worth it.

This may be your defining moment.

Big girl pants on and refuse to get in the car (with your dogs). He will either respect you and you know you’re ready for marriage. Or disrespect you, then don’t get married because this will be the rest of your life going forward.

This.

Also this:

Dh thinks I am dramatic at the best of times...

The clue that he is not the guy for you and will slowly make you miserable and insecure about yourself is right there in you first post.

Your fiance sounds thoroughly unpleasant. Please keep yourself and your dogs safe.

Just checked the football fixture list and probably he follows the same football team as Gregg Wallace. Seems to have nasty traits as well.

At least you have found out before the wedding.

There's a reason for the red weather warning, alerts, closed bridges and dozens of cancelled functions, yet he thinks he knows better than the authorities!

I would seriously reconsider marrying this man!

OP i live in SE London and its MISERABLE. Strong winds and rain. I very much doubt any football game will go ahead here

YANBU. You have an issue with him being defensive and what is the top cause o that?

he’s willing to dismiss reason and put your safety at risk for football? If you have kids with this man it won’t change - and you’ll be horrified. I really think you need to nip this issue in the bud now.

Don't go. Let him do what he eNts

Never mind a red warning - this has red flag written all over it please don’t marry this selfish man.

Good point.

My H has just set off to work. Didn't have to, didn't need to but off he's gone
Another arse that thinks he knows better than anyone else and doesn't care about any consequences to his actions

Stay another night. Tell him you aren't getting in the car today so he can either leave you - and thus your relationship - behind or he can recognise that usually you just go along with him so this is a major deal that you won't, he needs to flex here.

Don't do it. Some matches have been cancelled. Let him go and you stay. He sounds delightful

We’re in Wales on the edge of the red warning, you’ll be driving past us to get back. It’s wild here. We are used to stormy weather and have a 4x4 because conditions can be so bad. We’ve cancelled our booked and paid for plans for today and are not going anywhere. You’d be mad to drive through that. Get a hotel if necessary and get the train home. He sounds intolerable. Your safety should come first. If you’re planning children, he’ll put them at risk too in the future.

This incident has highlighted what he's like, deep down.

He constantly makes the OP doubt her own choices.

See her first post.

Perfectly obvious how she's gone from being controlled by her strict parents to choosing a controlling man, where most of the time she does what he says and doesn't have to worry herself over making important decisions - until now.

My DH would be the same with thinking he would be fine to drive. We've had plenty of similar disagreements in nearly 15 years of mostly very happy marriage. There'll always be moments in any relationship where you'll disagree. One thing I've learnt is not to be swayed. My DH will huff and puff sometimes before giving in and I just accept that now as who he is.

In a situation like this I'd just tell my husband he was free to go, but me and the dogs would be following on later by taxi/train. I think after an hour or two of grumping he'd admit defeat and wait till the storm had passed. It doesn't mean he's an awful person. If all men had to meet Mumsnet standards, no one would ever get married.

There are no trains. Trees on the lines.

I think you need to challenge this narrative. Lighting a fire is a useful skill only in very limited circumstances these days. Pretty much ditto map reading, given how reliant we all are on Google maps. Unless you intend to go on long hiking expeditions in the wilderness neither is a skill most people have these days.

It sounds like he’s been making you feel inferior for some minor things that don’t matter at all. In the reasonably unlikely event you did need to light a fire or do one of very many other practical things there are inevitably YouTube videos.

What do you do really well? And, can you take the attitude that you can’t know how to do/be good at everything, but you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself, you’ve got good judgement (certainly better than his on the evidence of this thread) and can find out or get help with anything you can’t do or find difficult. You’ve got this (this situation, and life in general).

@Foundanotherwrinkle - maybe you should read the post properly

But there will be at some point. All OP has to do is sit it out. Hence the suggestion of a hotel
in the meantime.

@Creamcrackered10 It sounds as if you've set the bar too low for yourself too.

Maybe read the first post- this is how he behaves most of the time, accusing the OP of 'being dramatic'.

In other words, being a bully and belittling her choices which he needs to overrule.

warning until 11 am

I had parents like that - they were bullying too. Luckily I married someone really lovely.

Seriously OP don't marry someone like him or if you do, don't have kids with him.