Dh making us drive in red warning

[BlueFoxel]

It just so happens dh and I have been on the Welsh coast for the past few days enjoying a mini break before our wedding. Was sent the emergency alarm earlier today. We are due to set off tomorrow morning in the middle of the red warning for wind. I have shared my concerns with dh but he really does not care at all. Dh thinks I am dramatic at the best of times and has totally dismissed my fears. He has a football game he is wanting to drive back home for. He is very arrogant

I am really bloody stressed out.

Please tell me I am being crazy and everything will be fine.

What's your plan OP? (Not his, yours)

he sounds like a right tool

Do you still actually want to marry this guy after his behaviour here?! Would put me right off.

We're in the yellow warning area, wind speeds 10-15mph less than what you posted according to Met office. Dh and ndn have just been out in the garden rescuing ndn's metal shed that merrily breezed across the fence into our garden, passing the area dh had been stood in just moments before.

Dh usually does the shopping on a Saturday morning. When he came in I said probably best not to risk it and we'd survive on what we've got in. He said that he'd been thinking he'd drive the more open route than the way he usually goes but actually I had a point and he'd at least wait until it eases off (if it does!). But then, he doesn't always have to be right, and I can't think of an occasion in 30 years where he's just belligerently gone along with what he wants to do without at least hearing me out and considering my opinion.

I'd seriously be considering my future in your situation @BlueFoxel

TBH, OP, you may be winding up quite a few people on this thread by ignoring our warnings to you in the same way DH ignores the government warnings.
There is no point in repeatedly complaining about him. You need to decide how you and the dogs are going to wait it out until you can go home safely. Then you need to decide whether you want to marry this dangerous person.

Thanks to everyone who has given advice and info - especially in regards to bridge closures. So helpful and kind.

I would stop worrying. The bridges will reopen when it’s safe. He won’t leave until they do, as the diversion is long enough to make it pointless for the area you’re aiming for.
Chillax, have a cuppa, keep an eye on Googlemaps for travel times.

And stop arguing with him about. He’s dug in now. Give him the opportunity to decide that you’ll need to wait, without feeling like he’s given in to you.

Does he generally struggle with changing plans unexpectedly?

The BBC is reporting that the M4 is closed too, so he can’t realistically get to the bridges until that reopens, unless he’s planning to use the A roads and country roads, which would be just as idiotic.

Advice from a veteran of a long marriage to a man who is inflexible.

Start doing your own thing. Stop arguing and seeking his agreement. Channel his energy- get on with things unilaterally.

We’re so much happier now. And communicate much more as a result.

Not to downplay how bad the weather will be/is, but just to inject a bit of accuracy here: the Forest of Dean, Gloucester and the M5 are not in the red warning area. For that matter, none of the M4 east of Port Talbot is in the red zone, which only takes in the southern part of Cardiff. Even the Severn Bridges aren't in the red zone (not that it helps when they're closed!).

I still wouldn't drive though. I've changed my own plans to avoid doing so.

Jesus. Don’t marry this arsehole.

Absolute madness. Why you’d even entertain a man like that is beyond me.

I’ve been awake since 4am listening to the wind and I live nowhere near Wales.

Why you’d risk your life when it isn’t necessary is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t travel with him. What happens if you say no to him op?Have you asked him why he wants to travel when it’s unsafe. I would contact the place where you are staying and ask for another night regardless of what he is doing. As others have said you won’t get far with bridges closed.

This.

Is the football match even on?

The problem is that I am on the passive side (strict upbringing where I had to blindly follow what my parents told me). And usually I don’t mind deferring to fiancé and rarely is a scenario so serious that I have to put my foot down and insist. Can’t think of an instance where we’ve reached an impasse such as this before. But I genuinely fear for our safety driving home.

We have agreed to set off a bit later but I am hoping we can stay another night. This cottage is extremely solid and I feel safe. Didn’t really notice how bad the wind was last night from the bedroom (despite 75 knot winds +). The house is sort of built into a cliff so the back is protected a lot. Took dogs for a wee outside and it feels like a hurricane. We have a sea view so extremely exposed at the front.

Yh
Football match will likely be cancelled

Apparently it is (for now). But with the diversion he won’t make it.

If his life is insured and you're the beneficiary, I'd cheerfully wave him off.

I doubt very much that there will be any football matches played anyway.

Cancel the wedding. He won’t change and in fact will become more arrogant in the future. Been there.

I’d need to stay the extra night, just to see the sea in this storm 😍

This. I live in the Forest of Dean and it is blowing a hooley here. I really wouldn't recommend driving through the Forest.Just had a look at one of the local Facebook travel groups and there are reports of trees down on some of the roads.

This may be your first serious disagreement but now the climate crisis is at this point, storms and red warnings will become more common. You need to find a way of stating your own truth when it matters. You know travelling is to dangerous so you need to tell him you are staying put whatever risks he decides to take with his own life and with the lives of anyone who tries to help him.

My DH was like that - insisted on driving to work on the morning of a bad storm (roads closed trees down) thought he was indispensable at work (but not an essential worker). Was back home within the hour to my "I told you so" look.

It's a tremendously liberating feeling when you do realise that your childhood doesn't have to define you. He can do his thing you do yours. Doesn't mean you don't have to marry him....(though I'd be wondering as he isn't going to get more reasonable as he gets older...what's his dad like?)

So then it’s not worth it. Arrange to stay another night and give it up as a bad job. (And then leave him)