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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh making us drive in red warning

602 replies

BlueFoxel · 06/12/2024 21:00

It just so happens dh and I have been on the Welsh coast for the past few days enjoying a mini break before our wedding. Was sent the emergency alarm earlier today. We are due to set off tomorrow morning in the middle of the red warning for wind. I have shared my concerns with dh but he really does not care at all. Dh thinks I am dramatic at the best of times and has totally dismissed my fears. He has a football game he is wanting to drive back home for. He is very arrogant

I am really bloody stressed out.

Please tell me I am being crazy and everything will be fine.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2024 00:57

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 06/12/2024 23:24

The Aber students are staying with their friends up the hill rather than being on the Seafront which is totally sensible! Go Aber students!

I have a feeling you are familiar with Aber! The ground floor flats in two of the bocks are apparently the place to be tonight! They are all very much embracing the "blitz spirit", DD said its actually made a scary thing a lot less scary which is wonderful.

FinanceLPlates · 07/12/2024 01:07

What would happen if you say no?

WilfredsPies · 07/12/2024 01:08

OP, I’m in the south east. Everything has been cancelled. Christmas markets, light displays, local events, the lot. His football match isn’t happening if it’s on around here.

I won’t bother telling you that your DP is a dickhead because I suspect you’ve already realised this. Don’t join him by trying to get home in the morning.

Snowontheroof · 07/12/2024 01:09

Could be both bridges will be closed. They may have a long drive home.

mathanxiety · 07/12/2024 01:12

IcecreamWhatSandwich · 06/12/2024 23:19

A lot of the people commenting on whether OP should still marry her fiancé are missing or ignoring a basic fact about situations like this:

Most men do stuff like this all the time. Most (straight) men act like this with their partners. Most men believe that this is an appropriate way to treat their female partners. Most men have been taught or decided for themselves that a woman's feelings about a situation like this should not be taken seriously, let alone followed.

Some are not like this, but the vast majority are.

Women do not marry men like this one because they want to be treated like this. They get married because they want to be in a conventional relationship and family. And they marry men like this because that is what is out there.

"Do you want to live your life being told you’re overly dramatic? Do you want to be with someone who minimises your fears? Do you want to continually be told that your feelings don’t matter?"

If all women regarded their options in this way, there would be very few marriages, long-term heterosexual relationships or traditional nuclear families.

You might think that this is a good thing. But you should acknowledge, when you talk about OP's relationship in these terms, what you're actually advocating: lesbianism, single parenthood, or celibacy. Again, nothing wrong with those choices. But don't imply or suggest that she should drop her current partner but is likely to find another man whose outlook will be completely different.

There are only so many men who meet the standards being implied here (even though the standards of basic decency and consideration of one's life partner are not very high).

Crikey.

Advocating lesbianism?
How would that work?

p1l1l · 07/12/2024 01:12

The warning literally says “It is not safe to drive in these conditions”. Can he actually read and comprehend?

What a fucking fool to go out in this storm for a football match.

mathanxiety · 07/12/2024 01:15

@Falseshamrok

This man is generally arrogant and accuses her of being dramatic at the best of times.

This is an ongoing case of a woman being put in her place by a pillock.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2024 01:18

I have a hunch that this will all be a go and the OP will still be totally over reacting, right up until he finds out that the footie has been cancelled and then, WOW MIRACLE!!!!! He decides that actually they should probably stay put after all.

And there @BlueFoxel are his priorities. He is prepared to risk his life and your life to see a fucking football match. And he will sacrifice time with his kids, in this same situation would risk their lives, would moan and whine if you give birth on the wrong day......for football. I know a couple who had their wedding booked for two years and the groom kicked off massively when his team ended up qualifying for something or other that was being played on their wedding day and she wouldnt move the date. It would have cost thousands. So he dumped her. Dumped his wife to be over a football match. Lucky escape for her, happily married now with kids, him very bitterly single.

Friendofdennis · 07/12/2024 01:33

Foundanotherwrinkle · 06/12/2024 23:17

So they're in the red zone, everyone else has the sense to stay home and they decided to go camping?? Wow, you clearly no longer need brains to go to uni these days. Haven't heard anything this irresponsible for a long time.

Show quote history

I read it that they are staying in friends accommodation up the hill away from the sea front

recipientofraspberries · 07/12/2024 01:33

@BlueFoxel what did you decide to do?

Aquestionneeded · 07/12/2024 02:14

mathanxiety · 07/12/2024 01:15

@Falseshamrok

This man is generally arrogant and accuses her of being dramatic at the best of times.

This is an ongoing case of a woman being put in her place by a pillock.

Couldn't put it better myself.

@BlueFoxel please don't get in the car with him tomorrow if he chooses to go. Look at the weather warnings on the route. If any are red stay where you and make your own way home if needs be.

Men can't pretend "fix" weather. Despite how much they might want to.

WolfFleece · 07/12/2024 02:20

I have a friend with permanent brain damage after a tree fell on his car in a storm. Literally smashed his head open. I wouldn’t risk it.

Aquestionneeded · 07/12/2024 02:32

WolfFleece · 07/12/2024 02:20

I have a friend with permanent brain damage after a tree fell on his car in a storm. Literally smashed his head open. I wouldn’t risk it.

I'm sorry to hear that. Xx

Pinkpurpletulips · 07/12/2024 02:39

My city once withstood a storm with winds over 150 miles an hour. My old GP decades later remembered the nightmare drive he had to get to an injured child who was dead when he arrived. I think your fiancé is an utter loon.

Wendysfriend · 07/12/2024 02:55

It's over Ireland right now, it's absolutely wild, I'm not even in a red area, I had to go get my wheelie bins as they took off from the side entrance, down the driveway and into the road. There's no chance I'd drive in what's out there right now, and you're in a red alert area. It's the stuff that flies around from people's gardens and trees that fall that cause so many accidents, the wind actually caught my breath and the rain is torrential the drops actually hurt hitting my face .

HelpMeGetThrough · 07/12/2024 02:58

It's amber where I am at the moment and due to get worse in the next 3 hours.

What we have at the moment make storm Bert seem like a fart and that bugger blew our fence down.

Not a chance I'd be out driving in this.

Boohbooh · 07/12/2024 03:11

Hello OP this storm has just blown through Ireland and is on its way over to you. Just show him the online news from Ireland in the morning. It's a nasty one.

user1473878824 · 07/12/2024 03:29

despairnow · 06/12/2024 21:06

It says not to drive

Yes I think OP understands this.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 07/12/2024 03:51

This post is ridiculous. OP you are pretending to yourself that you have no agency and that you are t free to make your own decisions. Would you put your hand in a fire if he told you to? No. If you choose-yes choose-to get in a car with him in a red alert then you're as bad as him. You chose to do it.

Harshtruth1111 · 07/12/2024 04:10

Please don't travel.
2 years ago a slate from a roof smashed into a parked car in the garden.
Their were trees fallen on the roads and mid and south Wales the winds are 90mph.
Unless it is life or death don't travel.

NotProper · 07/12/2024 04:22

If he wakes up and still wants to drive I think you need to seriously consider your future with this man.

mnaab · 07/12/2024 04:27

There are trees coming down across roads in Wales. It's likely going to be very dangerous at 8am still. The weather is due to be bad until around midday

steakpieandchips · 07/12/2024 04:30

I have driven in a red alert zone for wind before. I was out for dinner and a couple of hours before it hit it was upgraded to red. I didn't know. It was awful and I wouldn't do it ever again. Branches flying around overhead. Trees down. I had to turn around and go an alternate route because a massive tree came down across the entire road. Debris everywhere. I DON'T recommend it. It was scary.

On a side note: I married my arrogant husband. Does he show genuine empathy? If not, please don't go ahead because I promise you, you'll regret it.

All the best. X

Peony15 · 07/12/2024 04:46

Been awake since 3am in leafy SE London conservation area ( = old houses ) due strong winds and scared dog, wouldn't even take dog for a walk in case hit by tree/branch or rooftile.
This caught my eye.
D*kh*d ( or did you mean darling husband ) making ??? us drive.
As in physically forces you ? Coercive controlling ?
What happens if you refuse to risk injury/life ?
Outcome must be more scary as the storm you're about to
head into.
Aren't the dogs scared too ?
D*kh*d has problems with authority ?
Same authorities ( police/ambulance/roadside assistance/firebrigade ) he'd call for help if it goes wrong ?
Same authorities that risk
their life for his/yours ?
You are a collaborator and enabler if you go ahead with driving in red conditions.
Severn Bridge is closed btw.

Gettingbysomehow · 07/12/2024 04:58

So he's happy to put your life at risk for a football match. Why are you marrying this prick. A man should cherish his soon to be wife.