Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

And when I say the teacher will wonder why, she won't be thinking 'oh that family didn't contribute' she'll definitely be thinking 'well that's a bit mean, to leave 1 child out!'

I agree, vindictive and disgusting. This is a child we are talking about.
I would have no problem leaving the adults nsme of but not a child. You sound horrible.

Our state primary is doing £40 / child. I did think it was quite a bit but didn’t want to be the one complaining when the 30 other families weren’t.

That's absolutely loads. I bet loads of people were hoping someone else would say something first, and would then have agreed it was too much.

I'm a teacher in a private school abroad and this happens almost every year - parents club together to buy a (much appreciated) gift, not everybody contributes and only the names of the children whose parents paid in are on the card. I don't judge the parents for this - they don't know if the others are going to buy their own gifts separately. I do, however, make sure I say thank you to all of the children for the lovely present. They usually have no idea which parents have contributed so there are no questions asked. Slightly different situation, granted (usually the non-paying parents haven't responded to requests so the organiser doesn't know whether they have other plans) but I wouldn't judge.

there is a bit of a difference between chipping in 20 quid for Xmas vouchers and contributing into new wardrobe. I have 3 DCs in three different private schools (London-based is that matters) and i have never heard of anything like that (overpriced gifts/treats). Also the problem with CF in OPs post is that they dont blankly refuse to contribute but they keep finding the excuses and ask their name to be added to the card associated with the gift.

That’s fucking petty. Let all the kids sign the card or have it from the year.
I used to do our class collection, state school, people donated and I got ALL the children to sign regardless of how much the parents put in or not.
Private school, Jesus, is THIS the kind of thing that is important?

Wow this thread is a bit of an eye opener! £200 seems excessive for what should be a token gift.

I have two children at state primary. We do a class collection at Christmas and end of the year. One parent usually organises on the WhatsApp group. Contribution of £5 sent to the mums personal account, she buys vouchers, a personalised online card, maybe a bouquet and if there's an odd amount left over, she buys sweets for the kids. Will split if there's a TA. One teacher told me she doesn't drink so not to buy her alcohol, grateful for the heads up.

If you contribute, your child's name is in the card. No pressure. Some parents prefer not to join in, that's fine.

Works well. No hand wringing etc.

I did it at the end of last summer term. Everyone paid quite quickly. £180ish for a class of 30 split 75/25 between teacher and TA. Lots of lovely messages of thanks for organising. I also got to know some of mums better through it.

Can’t you just give £180 and say it’s from the nine DC whose parent has contributed?

Next time give everyone a date to pay and don’t send any chase up messages, you are are making more work for yourself.

We were asked for £20 at reception for end of year gift. I refused. 25 pupils? It's £500 (no TA gift was asked for £15 for her). Way too much.

We bought two presents and cards ourselves. My child's name was on the card from class. Tbh never got why they bothered to.

After that every family fend for themselves at Christmas and summer. I prefer it that way.

Only putting nine kids on card seems unfair the one left off.

It would be totally fine if CF said actually I don’t want contribute. So is either a CF or doesn’t want to say she is not comfortable contributing.

Is there an group WhatsApp? If so, perhaps something like not everyone may be comfort grouping together for gift so as of next year you won’t be repeating.

So basically, you’re all minted - that’s what you’re implying, no? And yet you care about £20 that a parent hasn’t added? And for that you’d leave a child out?
Really does show that having money doesn’t necessarily equal having any class.

Parents like you do my absolute head in.

That’s pathetic.

We do something similar in our state school and the mum who organises only puts the names of the children that contributed.

I think it's pathetically petty to go to the faff of writing out 29 names just so you can leave one off, rather than just writing "from year 4" or whatever.

Especially since the teacher probably isn't going to notice, so what's it for? They're just going to see about 30 names, not go through them one by one to check who contributed.

Genius !!!

£20!!!!!

God I hated bloody collections 😫

£20!!! Holy shit that’s insane!
If I was a teacher I’d be embarrassed to get a gift of such magnitude.

I fully understand the frustration with a pattern of freeloading from this mum. By all means, call this mum out directly when she oversteps asking for others to do free labor for her or “lend” things. I certainly don’t blame you for being miffed about that incident with the event with the unfulfilled promise of wine.

But the class gift and leaving one child’s name off is absolutely not the right place to take a stand against it, IMO. This gift is about the teacher feeling appreciate by their students, so don’t use it to make a point about another mum. If you want to make sure each child gets “credit” for their gift next year and no one is freeloading then just let everyone do their own gift rather than volunteering to organize a gift from the class.

That's over a GRAND. In a state primary. That's insane.

Just curious, those who have said $20 is excessive for a teacher's gift... what do people tip their hairdresser each time they have their hair done? Or isn't that a thing these days? 5 quid, 4 times a year, for example? Do parents not realise just how hard their child's teacher works to do their utmost for their kid? Is it not worth the same acknowledgement?

When I took over the organising of ours the parent who used to do it told me to keep a record of who donated and to ask for £5, and remind people to bring more if they weee ‘short’
laughed in his wanker banker face.

They get paid to do their job. They don't do it for free.

Not a chance I would give 40 quid,

I think it's incredibly mean to leave off one child's name. It isn't their fault, it's their parents fault.

Just put from ''Year 4''.

On one hand people seem to expect teachers to put up with all manner of crap from parents and children alike, and then say that giving them £200 as a thank you is 'wild'.
Teachers are leaving the industry in droves and if you've got a good one, I don't think that's excessive as a thank you.

OP, don't single out the child in any way, but if I were you I would continue to politely and doggedly ask the mum and/or dad for the money via WhatsApp to make a point.