Page 29 | Colleague has complained about me using wrong pronouns

CandyCane103 · 2024-12-06T09:23:34+00:00

Name changed but have been on mn for a fair while now. I work in a role which requires me to do casework supporting vulnerable people. I am supporting a member of staff with some cases that fall under my specialism. We've always got along well and I've really enjoyed working with her. I've been here a number of years, she is 6 months in. One of her cases is a non binary person, and she emails me occasionally for advice as it is a long and complex case (has been ongoing for months now since before she joined the team). I usually get it right but have occasionally written 'she' by accident. They have a female name and I am not intentionally using 'she', it just naturally happens. Instead of speaking to me about it, she has made a complaint to my line manager, who has had a word. Line manager was fine about it and it wasn't a telling off. More of a passing on a message. Now feels very awkward and think my line managers advice to her was that she should speak to me in the first instance. I really want to raise with my colleague that she should have spoken to me instead of running straight to my line manager. Not sure how to handle this as I've never had a complaint from a member of staff and it has ruffled my feathers. Would you just leave it be?

DissidentDaughter · 07/12/2024 19:47

Late to this thread, sure I’m not the only person who’s up to speed with the law round this…

While your earnest colleague has every right to believe in her client’s fiction, by the same token you have the right not to; furthermore, given that pronouns refer to someone indirectly, said client will be none the wiser!

I imagine you are well able to treat clients and colleagues in person with respect. Your colleague, however, needs prompt training on freedom of belief (Forstater etc), compelled speech etc.

Skyrainlight · 07/12/2024 19:48

RedToothBrush · 07/12/2024 19:24

I lost my rag last night after a skinful of constant taunts and constantly being told we should just suck it up and be nice because it doesn't cost us anything to do so.

It was constant poke poke poke.

At which point I'd had enough of it.

Even at that point I still think what I said was reasonable.

I then got told I was mentally ill and should seek help for being angry. By someone lecturing me on being kind to others people because of their mental health.

And I then argued, that if indeed I'm mentally ill it's a result of the harms this has caused. But I'm actually fine now and angry that the whole issue of how this harms families and women remains totally taboo.

I'm sure that enough people saw my deleted posts to know this is a pretty fair reflection of what happened.

I am not interested in being kind and being nice to people who have such appalling double standards and demonstrate such utter hypocrisy.

I've had enough of just 'taking it'.

I feel like a punching bag for virtue signallers who have no skin and have no clue. They just want 'to do the right thing' failing to see that the road to hell is paved with good intention but unfortunately they've been speeding down it mowing down women in the process with their righteousness.

I saw your posts and those of the person who insulted you. I've just commented on it before reading this. Your description of what happened is accurate.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 19:48

Who do you think 'hates you' and what rights do you think are being denied?

I think the poster is trying to understand and to an extent find a justification for why some male people who identify as women send death and rape threats to women who don't believe in gender identity ideology.

TheKeatingFive · 07/12/2024 19:53

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 19:48

Who do you think 'hates you' and what rights do you think are being denied?

I think the poster is trying to understand and to an extent find a justification for why some male people who identify as women send death and rape threats to women who don't believe in gender identity ideology.

The question still stands however ...

Cheesytoastie · 07/12/2024 20:25

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 19:00

I'm not saying that the name calling and aggression is equal. But two wrongs don't make a right. And you're never going to convert people to your cause by being nasty to people who haven't even threatened you, just disagreed with you like on this thread.

Perhaps all the times genderist posters were rude and nasty to women on this thread went right over your head?

No I saw it, I just noticed that if a "genderist" defends non binary people they get a mouthful off the mob and then bite back. I haven't seen any unprovoked hostility from people who believe in equality and inclusivity.

If anybody wants to find some completely unprovoked hostility and copy and paste all the quotes they are welcome to but scrolling through 27 pages and copying and pasting comments is a ball ache which is why I won't be wasting my time doing it to appease people demanding examples of hostility, and aggression, of which there are many on this thread.

TheKeatingFive · 07/12/2024 20:27

I haven't seen any unprovoked hostility from people who believe in equality and inclusivity.

This is extremely loaded. You don't appear to believe in equality and inclusivity for women who prioritise sex over gender. Why not?

Cannotorwillnot · 07/12/2024 20:28

Cheesytoastie · 07/12/2024 18:45

When it was pointed out that there's a lot of name calling and nastiness from the gender critical it wasn't even denied, it was rebutted with "well the other side are worse".

Where have I been rude? Have I been as offensive as calling people mentally ill, predators and getting lots of my posts deleted? No, that was the gender critical lot.

Show quote history

If someone is mentally ill, it is not “rude” to say so.

If posts have been deleted, it is because MN moderators have deemed that they break site guidelines, probably by being offensive to an individual.

DownWhichOfLate · 07/12/2024 20:29

Aren’t the people who believe in equality and inclusivity those who are gender critical? It’s all got so jumbled!

DissidentDaughter · 07/12/2024 21:06

Material reality is now openly acknowledged as a priority again, as people recognise that the attempts to conflate ‘gender’ with ‘sex’ just don’t make sense.

The ideology has inflicted untold damage on women & children, misrepresented same-sex attracted/bi people and, ironically, alienated the few dysphoric people who are enduringly uncomfortable with the reality of their natal sex.

Thank goodness ‘No debate’ is over.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 22:00

No I saw it, I just noticed that if a "genderist" defends non binary people they get a mouthful off the mob and then bite back.

Oh again, they are totally justified of course. Women aren't allowed to "bite back" at the destruction of our rights. We're not allowed to get angry, make jokes, speak out of turn. But genderists are apparently allowed to be rude and abusive to us because they're performatively offended, and be excused for it, just like you attempted to do with the death and rape threats.

Your bias is very clear. You're not the "voice of reason" here.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 22:02

You're "hostile" on this thread too though, can you even hear yourself, @Cheesytoastie?

You've backed yourself into a corner, and you have nothing apart from excuses and special pleading.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 22:03

Thank goodness ‘No debate’ is over.

Cheers to that! And it isn't coming back

lifeturnsonadime · 07/12/2024 22:06

RedToothBrush · 07/12/2024 19:24

I lost my rag last night after a skinful of constant taunts and constantly being told we should just suck it up and be nice because it doesn't cost us anything to do so.

It was constant poke poke poke.

At which point I'd had enough of it.

Even at that point I still think what I said was reasonable.

I then got told I was mentally ill and should seek help for being angry. By someone lecturing me on being kind to others people because of their mental health.

And I then argued, that if indeed I'm mentally ill it's a result of the harms this has caused. But I'm actually fine now and angry that the whole issue of how this harms families and women remains totally taboo.

I'm sure that enough people saw my deleted posts to know this is a pretty fair reflection of what happened.

I am not interested in being kind and being nice to people who have such appalling double standards and demonstrate such utter hypocrisy.

I've had enough of just 'taking it'.

I feel like a punching bag for virtue signallers who have no skin and have no clue. They just want 'to do the right thing' failing to see that the road to hell is paved with good intention but unfortunately they've been speeding down it mowing down women in the process with their righteousness.

Red I was reading last night and you were poked .

I’m sorry you had posts removed.

Cheesytoastie · 07/12/2024 23:00

Poked or not here posts were extremely aggressive.

Why are you apologising to someone for their posts being removed when they broke talk guidelines?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 23:09

mouthful off the mob

the gender critical lot

hurling shit at eachother constantly

spouting the same opinions

A very childish way of trying to goad someone to argue with you

I don't fancy getting into a ruckus with angry women insulting me

That's exactly what has happened every time someone has answered any of the questions posed by the attack squad here.

All your quotes. Do get down off that high horse, @Cheesytoastie

Sassysia · 07/12/2024 23:21

Ridiculous. If you’re going out of your way/away from your own job roll to help this colleague then I would stop immediately. Like you’re doing anything to purposely discriminate anyone…just ridiculous!

Cheesytoastie · 07/12/2024 23:34

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 23:09

mouthful off the mob

the gender critical lot

hurling shit at eachother constantly

spouting the same opinions

A very childish way of trying to goad someone to argue with you

I don't fancy getting into a ruckus with angry women insulting me

That's exactly what has happened every time someone has answered any of the questions posed by the attack squad here.

All your quotes. Do get down off that high horse, @Cheesytoastie

Those statements are all true.

Anyone disagreeing with the gender critical mob gets a mouthful.

It's happened time and again on this thread and countless threads like it. Rise to the bait and actually get angry and posts start getting deleted left right and centre and anyone defending non binary/trans people with too much zeal gets banned. I've seen it over and over, which is why I'm refusing to argue with you. You can pretend that's not what happens all you like, but it is true.

One poster stated that it is kind and respectful to use people's chosen pronouns and to deliberately not do it to prove a point is hurtful. A fair point. But she got a torrent of abuse for it and now people are apologising to the poster who hurled the abuse? Amazing. Yes she gave a snarky reply, hardly surprising considering what was barked at her.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 23:42

Your pious schtick isn't very convincing when you think you can insult people as much as you like and fail to see obvious goading.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 23:43

I'm not going to indulge your DARVO derailing any further.

lifeturnsonadime · 07/12/2024 23:51

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 23:43

I'm not going to indulge your DARVO derailing any further.

Any one by now can see that that is what is happening. Otherwise @Cheesytoastie would address questions. We are back to no debate. This, when questions can’t be answered because there are no answers, is the only method left.

lifeturnsonadime · 07/12/2024 23:53

No one has given you a mouthful @Cheesytoastie , unless a mouthful consists of reasonable questions that can’t be answered because there is no answer.

you are the person attacking on these threads.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/12/2024 23:54

Yep.

Fordian · 08/12/2024 00:02

Like many have said, cool right off with this person. Coolly, politely distant. Engage only insofar as is strictly necessary. This person is trouble.

Although I deeply admire your ability to even countenance the nonsense of 'they/them'!

MrBungle · 08/12/2024 08:58

Cheesytoastie · 07/12/2024 23:34

Those statements are all true.

Anyone disagreeing with the gender critical mob gets a mouthful.

It's happened time and again on this thread and countless threads like it. Rise to the bait and actually get angry and posts start getting deleted left right and centre and anyone defending non binary/trans people with too much zeal gets banned. I've seen it over and over, which is why I'm refusing to argue with you. You can pretend that's not what happens all you like, but it is true.

One poster stated that it is kind and respectful to use people's chosen pronouns and to deliberately not do it to prove a point is hurtful. A fair point. But she got a torrent of abuse for it and now people are apologising to the poster who hurled the abuse? Amazing. Yes she gave a snarky reply, hardly surprising considering what was barked at her.

Show quote history

Maybe it’s because your arguments defending trans people being more important with more rights than women - is bullshit? 🤩

blubberyboo · 08/12/2024 09:17

Cheesytoastie · 07/12/2024 18:48

It's more like "Decapitate TERFs" Vs "They're all mentally ill, they're predators and criminals, i'll misgender them on purpose because I know it upsets them, ostracise them at work" though isn't it? It's not just "we don't get it".

I'm not saying that the name calling and aggression is equal. But two wrongs don't make a right. And you're never going to convert people to your cause by being nasty to people who haven't even threatened you, just disagreed with you like on this thread.

Surely it's also obvious that not all trans or non binary people are like the ones saying decapitate TERFs, there are extremists in every class of people, we don't hate all men because of incels do we? Most non binary/trans people are just normal people who wish you no harm and want to be treated with respect and dignity which is often denied them. Oppression often leads to radicalisation.

Unsurprisingly, when people like this are challenged they retort with they hate us and want to deny us our rights so fuck them. It goes about as well as asking any minority to be nice to the people who hate them simply for what they are.

I condemn bad behaviour on both sides and there is certainly bad behaviour here as pointed out by many posters not just me.

I've said my piece. As I said I have no intention to argue with you all. I don't care if you disagree.

In a court of law which do you think would come out worse? Someone threatening to decapitate women who won’t submit the beliefs and rituals of another group? Or the women expressing that they won’t submit and they think the beliefs are a mental illness/warped cult?

I think it would be those people expressing and inciting violence don’t you?

every single human has the right to FREEDOM FROM BELIEF. That means none of us have to believe that trans people have changed sex or that non binary people have no sex. Any attempt to force us to use wrong sex pronouns is conversion therapy as an attempt to convert our non beliefs into beliefs. It’s the same as forcing an atheist to pray.

people who do this to GC people are not good people.