Colleague has complained about me using wrong pronouns

[CandyCane103]

Name changed but have been on mn for a fair while now.

I work in a role which requires me to do casework supporting vulnerable people. I am supporting a member of staff with some cases that fall under my specialism. We've always got along well and I've really enjoyed working with her. I've been here a number of years, she is 6 months in. One of her cases is a non binary person, and she emails me occasionally for advice as it is a long and complex case (has been ongoing for months now since before she joined the team). I usually get it right but have occasionally written 'she' by accident. They have a female name and I am not intentionally using 'she', it just naturally happens. Instead of speaking to me about it, she has made a complaint to my line manager, who has had a word. Line manager was fine about it and it wasn't a telling off. More of a passing on a message.

Now feels very awkward and think my line managers advice to her was that she should speak to me in the first instance. I really want to raise with my colleague that she should have spoken to me instead of running straight to my line manager. Not sure how to handle this as I've never had a complaint from a member of staff and it has ruffled my feathers.

Would you just leave it be?

No, I admitted I don't know or care why some men are trying to use transgender identities to commit crimes against women.

Criminals using a guise of being transgender has no bearing on whether transgender or non binary people exist or have rights.

I understand perfectly well why women need single sex spaces. I have also been sexually assaulted and I am a professional scientist who knows a shitty experiment repurposing with no evidence when I see one. You simply cannot conduct an experiment on colours and apply it to people without testing it on people and call it proof. There's also no peer review of this repurpose of the data so I don't place any value on it and neither will anyone who actually understands scientific research, it only appeals to people who have an issue with pronouns because they want it to prove their point.

I'm also not cold. Or anything else you claimed to know about me.

So go and be angry at someone else I'm bored of you.

Well that's nice, but it's a subjective take, not an objective truth.

You understand the difference between those things, right?

Native American tribes have lots of subjective takes on things that are not the same as my culture. If people like that, cool.

But why is it relevant to women's boundaries when it comes to sex based spaces, services and pronouns?

You don't know what your talking about.

'Nonbinary' is complete repurposing and unscientific at that. So please stop presenting yourself as something you're clearly not. No scientist supports or buys into this rubbish. And if you are going to present yourself as one, you should do the most basic of research as to what a scientist is.

No, I admitted I don't know or care why some men are trying to use transgender identities to commit crimes against women. Criminals using a guise of being transgender has no bearing on whether transgender or non binary people exist or have rights.

But it does have bearing on women who will be harmed as a result of giving the green light to any man who wants to access their spaces.

You don't care about these women being harmed. You've made that abundantly clear. They're just collateral damage to you, right?

Oh yes I do, that's why you're getting so angry at me. Its not me who doesn't know what I'm talking about. You are way out of your depth here. And I think you know that.

It's not relevant. I never claimed it was. Lifeturnsonadime is the one who wants to make this about women's same sex spaces.

This thread is about pronouns. Which is why we are talking about gender, pronouns and non binary people.

Pronouns are sex-based.

Hence the talk about womens spaces - such as this charity.

And lots of us have pointed out that we have always used pronouns to refer to sex.

So explain to us why we should change that to 'gender' - something you have failed to even define for us?

I'm not angry or out of my depth.

I work with people less intelligent than me and my colleagues every day. They always think they know more than everyone and are always right. You're giving yourself away. As Einstein said, those who know nothing think they know everything.

You're just hurling abuse at a stranger on the internet, why you think that makes you better than anyone here is beyond me.

Are you serious?

If dangerous men are willing to exploit self ID and pretend to be trans in order to access women's single sex spaces, we can't allow male trans people into those spaces without simply abandoning any pretence at safeguarding for women.

Why are the wants of this tiny minority of male people more important than the rights and safety of all women?

Yes, well the reason I don't use people's special pronouns is because I've learned the hard way that if you are willing to pretend that a man is a woman in order to be polite, it then becomes almost impossible to object to him competing in women's sports or being housed in a women's prison. So I simply no longer recognise any definition of women and men that isn't strictly sex based, and I am also not willing to pretend that some people are neither a man nor a woman. I don't believe in any of it and don't see why I should be forced to pretend that I do. It's not kind. It's regressive, misogynistic and downright dangerous.

Lol the gaslighting and DARVO is off the scale. You should look up a thing called the Dunning–Kruger effect if you don't have the honesty to admit you are way out of your depth here. And apply it to yourself.

What is non-binary a repurposing of exactly?

Scientists deal in black and white, proof or no proof. Science dictates there are two sexes.

Gender is actually in the realm of sociology. Sociologists do a lot of work on gender and the role it plays in our society. It cannot be proven either way because empirical evidence cannot be given.

So no, science would never prove a third gender. Sociologists however write a lot on this and as an academic, I am inclined to believe their research over some random online 👍

Respecting someone's need is one thing,but if was a "fact" op wouldn't be having the issue.

That's hilarious because I was thinking the Dunning-Kruger effect applies to you 😂

"No, U"

Can you share your definition of gender with us please?

Copying my words is unoriginal. I honestly and genuinely doubt you had even come across the term until now.

Anyway, I have a lot of things to do, so enjoy your night (or day where ever people are).

I'm actually appalled and offended at @SerenePeach for posting theys objections and arguments in English language. How dare theys assume everytheys posting wants to engage only in English or can. How mislanguaging of you Peach!!

Just before I go, a very interesting article. https://objectnow.org/debunking-the-two-spirit-myth/

Further reading show '2 spirit' was a way to "other" gay men in a society that didn't know what to do with them and was homophobic.

What a complete failure to acknowledge that the tras try to insist that sex is irrelevant and gender the only thing that counts for all the many institutions that do give regard to sex, with a scientists eye you’d think you’d agree that’s absolutely critical in the medical sphere and also that the sexual offence rate doesn’t care whether a male is trans or not, so the consideration for women and girls safety shouldn’t either. I think the elephant in the room may have sat on you and your ‘scientist brain’

if you were continually referred to by others in a way you found misrepresentative or offensive I’m sure it would have an effect on your wellbeing too. Your response comes across as quite aggressive, could you not try some empathy/tolerance for others instead? Imagine if it was your child going through this- would you tell them it’s all bullshit and they are delusional?

FYI there are other permutations of “sex” than an XX or XY chromosomal profile.

Everyone is either male or female. There are no in-betweens. It's not simply about chromosomes, but whether bodies are set up to produce small or large gametes.

And if people are offended by reality, that is their problem, not anyone else's. I suggest they seek professional help.