Colleague has complained about me using wrong pronouns

[CandyCane103]

Name changed but have been on mn for a fair while now.

I work in a role which requires me to do casework supporting vulnerable people. I am supporting a member of staff with some cases that fall under my specialism. We've always got along well and I've really enjoyed working with her. I've been here a number of years, she is 6 months in. One of her cases is a non binary person, and she emails me occasionally for advice as it is a long and complex case (has been ongoing for months now since before she joined the team). I usually get it right but have occasionally written 'she' by accident. They have a female name and I am not intentionally using 'she', it just naturally happens. Instead of speaking to me about it, she has made a complaint to my line manager, who has had a word. Line manager was fine about it and it wasn't a telling off. More of a passing on a message.

Now feels very awkward and think my line managers advice to her was that she should speak to me in the first instance. I really want to raise with my colleague that she should have spoken to me instead of running straight to my line manager. Not sure how to handle this as I've never had a complaint from a member of staff and it has ruffled my feathers.

Would you just leave it be?

17 pages on pronouns. This is exactly why her colleague chose pronouns. It gets people all frothy and emotional. The issue the OP has, is nothing really to do with pronouns.

It was a way for the new employee to undermine her.

Everyone knows the deal around pronouns now. You might not agree with it- or you might. But this is truly not what's happening here.....

In your opinion.

Total bollocks.

They are not being misgendered. They just can't accept the sex they were born.

No.

It is not an opinion that the sky is blue

it is not an opinion that the world is a sphere

It is not an opinion that every single human being ever born is either MALE OR FEMALE

NON BINARY PEOPLE ARE BINARY

In the opinion of anyone sane.

You know, so many people on this thread have stated that they would deliberately call the person She/Her just to piss them off and make a point.

No Peach, this is a charity for females, they would be using she/ her because that is exactly what she is, female. If she doesn't think she is female why is she using the charity in the first place?

It's a bit fucking hypocritical for this person to use a charity that is for females and then to be 'pissed off' for the use of correct sex language in those circumstances don't you think?

Except they can when it comes to using the charity specifically for women!

As you say - total bollocks.

Sex exists. Gender is a feeling.

But it’s clearly a junior member of staff trying to assert their authority. I would minimise contact and honestly I would try and write everything without any pronouns ‘the client should do this, the client is this’.

Like you said, the NB hasn't complained. OPs colleague has. So the NB person isn't pissed off are they?

I was referring to the posters telling OP to deliberately misgender the client to piss her off as a reason why patice wears thin.

You know, so many people on this thread have stated that they would deliberately call the person She/Her just to piss them off and make a point.

So many has said to deliberately piss off? Have they?

Many people have said they wouldn't want to validate nonsense which harms them on principle.

But no so many have said they'd actively wish to piss the other person off.

And maybe if they are, it's because the point of being non binary is precisely to piss off people in the first place.

Sex and gender are two different things.

Are you aware some societies have three genders? Gender is not binary in several cultures because gender is a cultural thing, not a physical absolute like sex.

Your choice to not believe in gender is merely an opinion.

Female=sex=she

So the female using the service for female people isn't pissed off and isn't aware? Glad we've clarified that.

So odd that you are so pissed off on the client's behalf.

"Gender" is merely a social construct based on sex stereotypes. It's not remotely progressive. Gender identity ideology is a belief that this external social construct is an innate presence in the brain which can somehow end up in the wrong sex body.

I would absolutely do this. I am annoyed on your behalf op. Can't bear this going to managers stuff. Just puts people's backs up for no good.

Everyone who has ever lived is "non binary" because none of us are "binary".

So, exactly what makes a person ' non binary'?

I'm not pissed off on the client's behalf,.

I'm simply pointing out to people who seem quite angry why OPs colleague raised the pronoun issue and why peoples patience wears thing with this sort of thing when they think they should get endless toleryfor forgetting because it is too much effort.

Is that ok with you?

You don't know what binary means do you....in this context it's male or female.....

That's the way I see it. You can of course consider that no one is "non binary" because it isn't real, it's an identity label, that works too.

Having worked in similar fields, teams are usually close knit and encouraged to be very supportive of each other with good reason. Distancing yourself from one colleague would be noted and absolutely discouraged. If op insisted on it then yes it could be perceived as op reacting badly to this person's feedback (which is not untrue if she immediately assumes its been malicious)

I'm pretty sure I'm none binary in the gender sense because I don't walk round like a living embodiment of female stereotypes either.

I don't know many (any) women who do.

But I'm not so precious I need special pronouns to reflect my non adoption of stereotypes and I certainly wouldn't demand to be seen as something special because I live my life in a gender neutral (in so far as possible) way.

The whole thing is madness and the forcing others to call you something different has a massive dollop of narcissism on top.

You don't know what binary means do you....in this context it's male or female.....

I know exactly what is meant by non binary, and they will tell you that they're talking about "gender" as if it's a real thing distinct from sex. It isn't. These people are talking about their personality traits, no one is a walking example of all their own sex's stereotypes and none of the other's. Just in telling this shit to fuck off women are already not corresponding to the expectations of our sex to "be kind" and put others' needs/wants above our own.

@CandyCane103 I may be being dumb here, but why is a non binary person wanting support from a charity that only supports women? I thought the very point of being non binary was that you disassociate yourself from a gender???

I know exactly what is meant by non binary,

I should say, as well as anyone can given that it's an incoherent cultural concept and means whatever someone wants it to mean based on what they want to demand from others.