Colleague has complained about me using wrong pronouns

[CandyCane103]

Name changed but have been on mn for a fair while now.

I work in a role which requires me to do casework supporting vulnerable people. I am supporting a member of staff with some cases that fall under my specialism. We've always got along well and I've really enjoyed working with her. I've been here a number of years, she is 6 months in. One of her cases is a non binary person, and she emails me occasionally for advice as it is a long and complex case (has been ongoing for months now since before she joined the team). I usually get it right but have occasionally written 'she' by accident. They have a female name and I am not intentionally using 'she', it just naturally happens. Instead of speaking to me about it, she has made a complaint to my line manager, who has had a word. Line manager was fine about it and it wasn't a telling off. More of a passing on a message.

Now feels very awkward and think my line managers advice to her was that she should speak to me in the first instance. I really want to raise with my colleague that she should have spoken to me instead of running straight to my line manager. Not sure how to handle this as I've never had a complaint from a member of staff and it has ruffled my feathers.

Would you just leave it be?

The thing is, the responses shouting BIGOT, don't give a lot of faith that if the OP were to go and apologise and say "it was accidental, I will try not to do it again", that response would be reasonable anyway.

The colleague has already taken the nuclear option and reported her without giving the benefit of the doubt. They clearly are overly defensive about it. They could have approached the OP and said something but they chose not to.

If the OP raises the subject, I wouldn't have the faith that the colleague wouldn't go off the deep end. The OP is much better just to put her head down and avoid the other person to avoid any potential conflict as it's likely the OP will be the one who ends up on the worse end.

Regardless of any malice or intent. And certainly not in terms of hate.

This is about the other colleague breaking trust in the working relationship and creating an atmosphere where everyone else finds themselves walking on eggshells.

In that scenario I really would just let them get on with. Mainly because you are never going to get it right because the other party is overly defensive to an unhealthy degree.

Of course. Especially if he/she/they/He could change my water into wine.

Or, if it would contravene my workplace inclusivity and diversity policy otherwise. Because that would just be shooting myself in the foot, for a thing which is very easily avoided.

I don't believe in all that non-binary nonsense so I'd be using she whether she likes it or not. I won’t be forced to go against my beliefs

@Ponoka7
‘That appstore anyone who has MH/isn't ND/has Trauma etc.’
So what does this sentence mean? Is there some sort of app which helps someone remember other people’s ‘pronouns’?

BTW what is ‘ger’? Is that another neologism?

I'd make a point of only ever using their name in future. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of using 'they'. I don't respect shit stirring little clypes.

I wonder how history will recall all this non-binary nonsense.
It's just ridiculous.

Have you got a supervision contract or similar @CandyCane103 ? It might be revisiting to explore the best way for you both to think about feedback (both negative and positive) and how this works in future.

I'd be a bit irritated too!

You CANNOT be compelled to use someone chosen pronouns. ESPECIALLY around non-binary which DOES NOT EXIST

Colleague is a snake and best avoided. Can you hand your mentoring/support of this colleague over to another member of staff?

The butter wouldn't melt "we don't hate people we're just having a discussion" claims don't wash. You have a problem with non binary people. Just own it.

//

And we're the dramatic ones?

I don't have a problem with non binary people and certainly don't hate them. I think they perhaps have too much spare time on their hands as really, to get so upset over an accidental use of "she" reeks of privilege. But that's not having a problem with or hating a person.

What I do have a problem with and hate is how an apparent small minority of people squealing they just want to exist, live their authentic lives etc are very comfortable enforcing the speech of others and reporting them for an honest mistake. And when their allies flood Twatter/X with calls for violence and sacking of GC women NOT ONE of these people call their attack dogs off. Not one. Their silence speaks volumes of.

Some may call this hateful .

and pages and pages of comments making out they are the scourge of society is hate.

//

Except that's not actually happened

To mean it clearly mean ‘applies’ & was some sort of autocorrect

I would ignore it BUT I would be extremely careful and only work with her if I absolutely had to. I would never offer advice or help unless specifically asked to by Management.

As she is so keen on Management, guide her to them for help with her cases.

She obviously knows everything anyway so let her get on with it.

Yes they are

As mad as someone who insists the earth is flat or the sky is green or pigs can fly or humans can change sex or that they are actually a cat

mad

quite quiet mad

Stop affirming these idiots

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

She is a she, assuming she was born with a vagina. The world has gone mad, referring to yourself as a they or them?! What if people start insisting they identify as a gerbil, its just as ridiculous

it's just bollocks, we cannot do anything better than call this out and clearly say it's mad

@bagginsatbagend

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · Today 15:08
**
quote: ‘That appstore anyone who has MH/isn't ND/has Trauma etc.’

My question : ‘So what does this sentence mean? Is there some sort of app which helps someone remember other people’s ‘pronouns’?
BTW what is ‘ger’? Is that another neologism?’

Your reply : ‘To mean it clearly mean ‘applies’ & was some sort of autocorrect’

Ah so it was a mistake, and should be overlooked? Rather like the OP’s original mistake in an internal communication? Or are only people who don’t agree with you to be held to high standards of accuracy in their communications?

I guess so, since your reply also lacks a bit of clarity , with the repetition of ‘to mean’ ….. but you see, I have made the effort to understand your point.

One way street, this tolerance.

Back of the net.....😆

Except autocorrect doesn't change they to she does it. The OP had to choose to use the wrong pronouns. Okay she forgot, but apparently forgot multiple times which is why it was raised, meaning it was tolerated the first couple of times before the colleague felt the need to raise it.

You know, so many people on this thread have stated that they would deliberately call the person She/Her just to piss them off and make a point. If so many people weren't doing that all day every day in society, maybe non binary people would give the benefit of the doubt, assume it was a slip of the tongue and move on. But when theya re repeatedly misgendered time and time again and ridiculed for pointing out it matters to them, how are they supposed to know if you are trying to offend them or if it was a genuine mistake? And how are they supposed to have endless patience?

Again - non binary people don't exist. They are all male or female.

Exactly. Even the 'non binary' client knows this, as she chose a charity FOR WOMEN.

Beggars belief really.

No they are typo's. The OP managed to decipher them. Ger is her, the other, possibly appropriate.

perfect

Irony, thy name is @Ponoka7