Colleague has complained about me using wrong pronouns

[CandyCane103]

Name changed but have been on mn for a fair while now.

I work in a role which requires me to do casework supporting vulnerable people. I am supporting a member of staff with some cases that fall under my specialism. We've always got along well and I've really enjoyed working with her. I've been here a number of years, she is 6 months in. One of her cases is a non binary person, and she emails me occasionally for advice as it is a long and complex case (has been ongoing for months now since before she joined the team). I usually get it right but have occasionally written 'she' by accident. They have a female name and I am not intentionally using 'she', it just naturally happens. Instead of speaking to me about it, she has made a complaint to my line manager, who has had a word. Line manager was fine about it and it wasn't a telling off. More of a passing on a message.

Now feels very awkward and think my line managers advice to her was that she should speak to me in the first instance. I really want to raise with my colleague that she should have spoken to me instead of running straight to my line manager. Not sure how to handle this as I've never had a complaint from a member of staff and it has ruffled my feathers.

Would you just leave it be?

Whatever the cause, grammar guidelines around pronouns have undeniably changed. You can complain about it all you like, and on here you'll get lots of support, but in the wider world you'll have as much traction as if you'd campaigned to bring back thee/thou.

Hilarious.

To the pronoun fans, what's your take on neopronouns?

It is also important to note that if a person uses multiple pronouns that they expect these pronouns to be alternated in sentences. For example, I myself go by bee/it/they pronouns so when referring to me, one might say: “This is Rome, bee thinks it could have left its coat in the house so they are just going to go look for it, we should join bee.”

mermaidsuk.org.uk/news/neopronouns-101/

Good luck with talking to this person without mortally offending them!

Jeez what a nasty thread.

Some people find it very difficult to raise things with colleagues - and as this thread shows, pronouns is a very sensitive area. She may have been worried about raising it with you because she is worried that you and her are not in the same place on this.

I cannot believe how over-sensitive people are. If a colleague went to my line manager about something, sure it would sting, but I'd suck it up because I am an adult and a professional, and I know that not everything in the workplace can happen exactly the way I want it.

For those who are saying, be short and distant with her - that is workplace bullying

And in a report, particularly one which may be seen in a legal setting, it's important that clarity is maintained.
I'm a retired public sector worker and knew that my notes could end up being pored over by legal representatives. I tried very hard to ensure that the report was absolutely accurate and could not be misinterpreted. Using odd pronouns does not do that IMHO.

So this individual gets to act how they like, but if the OP is distant it's 'bullying'?

No. You can f right off with that one.

Lol. You defend the colleague saying maybe she's so sensitive she can't talk to OP but she can talk to her manager , then you call OP oversensitive!!

Cop yourself on

No one is obliged to be anything other than professional with someone else in the workplace.

this thread is just awful & it just shows what a nasty, spiteful & hateful world we’ve become. This is about a person with mental health problems who needs support from a charity. They are clearly struggling in order to need that support & most people here are being so nasty. It’s ironic really because it’s the same type of people who reminisce about the good old days when neighbours helped each other out, when anyone would do anything for each other & now because someone wants you to say ‘they’ you are resorting to sheer hate

What a load of old bollocks.

Thanks for proving my point so quickly

this thread is just awful & it just shows what a nasty, spiteful & hateful world we’ve become. This is about a person with mental health problems who needs support from a charity. They are clearly struggling in order to need that support & most people here are being so nasty. It’s ironic really because it’s the same type of people who reminisce about the good old days when neighbours helped each other out, when anyone would do anything for each other & now because someone wants you to say ‘they’ you are resorting to sheer hate

People are vulnerable, yes, that doesn't make this ideology any less problematic. This isn't about the service user, it's about the sly colleague.

You're obviously reading a different thread.

Don't be daft.

If someone feels strongly enough about pronouns to go to another person's line manager and report them for using the "wrong" ones, but hasn't got the balls to just say, "Oh hey by the way, this client uses they/them pronouns and I've noticed you've said "she" a few times here", they're the kind of person most normal people would want to avoid.

Nobody wants to be constantly on their guard around someone, making sure they don't make the tiniest mistake in case they get reported to their manager by some shit stirring little gobshite who can't handle direct professional interactions.
It's far easier just to keep your distance from people like that.

Rude! I didn't mean the OP was oversensitive, she has at least come on to ask advice, I was referring to the majority of posters on this thread who were saying they would blank her/spit in her tea/give her a lump of coal in the secret santa.

How do you know it's the same people who say that 😂

I was referring to the majority of posters on this thread who were saying they would blank her/spit in her tea/give her a lump of coal in the secret santa.

The "majority of posters" said nothing of the sort. They recommended quietly distancing herself from this colleague.

I don’t know it’s the same people hence saying the same type of people…

I couldn't agree more, this thread is vile. I must say though, I don't think this is a reflection of the real world, I have two jobs and my colleagues are not like this. I think MN has become a real collecting ground for the misanthropic.

I'd just sent her an email asking politely to just let you know if she is spotting a mistake like that.

That the only normal way to deal with this really. What an overkill to complain to line manager. If you asked me, she looks stupid (and should give her head a wobble). not you.

I didn't, but you're welcome anyway

So in your job would one of your lovely colleagues snitch to your boss if you made a slip up with pronouns?

And you'd be grateful to that colleague?

You’re possibly right, however it’s very much the case of all social media. It’s likely that the worst people are the most vocal

I wouldn't see it as "snitching" because I am not in school. As I said upthread, of course it would sting but I would suck it up because it would be a perfectly legitimate thing for a colleague to do.

She isn't right, hardly anyone actually agrees with third person pronouns, they all think it's nonsense. They humour it, for all the reasons given.