Do you teach your child to hit back?

[SweetBobby]

If yes, why?
If no, why?

I do and I feel pretty strongly about it. Being able to stand up for yourself in life is absolutely vital.

YABU- No I don't
YANBU- Yes I do

I always tell them never to make a fight physical. Never be the one to start it but finish it if you have to.

Yes. The rule for adults is that one may strike back in self-defense. Because little son was a target for bullies (possibly because he tended to say interesting things when angry, about how the bullies would be consumed by dragons) he was taught this rule early on, and coached in its correct application. He was also taught how to block strikes, and told to hit the gut rather than the face, as it was less likely to leave marks. He was also told to go first to ask an adult for help, but frankly we never knew that to do any good at all. Son is now at uni, and still really good at blocking strikes.

No and he would tell you two wrongs don't make a right. DH also works in youth justice/mental health. Kids carry knives these days. You teach then to get the hell out of there, and to read situations and people.

Yes I do. Someone punches them for no reason? Hit back as hard as you can and call it self defence.

Yep!

I teach mine to say a strong No/Stop, and if it happens again tell a teacher, and if it still happens after that (I'm talking another child being physical like biting or something) then to whack them ONCE and they'll think twice about doing it again.

I mean, it works! My DH disagrees but hasn't yet come up with a better method 🤷🏻‍♀️

Depends on the age of the child.

I didn't, but equally, I couldn't find it in me to be shocked or disapproving when they reached their point of walloping their assailant back.

And depends on other factors, just like it does with adults. Age? Sex? Height? Situation? Location? Scenario? Etc.

We skipped number 2.
You tell them once, they hit you again, hit them back and make it count, because you can't go wild on them.
I did it when I was about 9. bully boy in school, cornered me, I was tiny. I told him to leave me alone, he poked at me I punched him in the nose, his eyes watered, they other kids told everyone I made him cry I didn't really The headmaster told him he deserved it and to stop picking on kids.

It's a different ball game at university unfortunately. The locals like to have a go with knives, broken bottles so you need to keep safe.

Question for the teachers posting - in your experience, do the kids who do nothing to defend themselves physically ever get away from being picked on?

In general, yes. Unfortunately, real life isn't like a Disney movie, where the quiet kid stands up to the bully and everyone cheers. Sometimes it works. Some bullies really are cowards who melt away when you fight back. Sadly, the majority aren't. They're used to violence and confrontation, and they're not going to let you humiliate them in front of their friends. If your child punches the bully in the face, the bully will probably go mad and pummel him or her (and then wait for them after school and pummel them again). If your child hits back, he'd better be prepared to hit again and again and again.

I have always said if you are hit tell a teacher or just walk away. But if you are attacked fight back. My middle child is often getting into scuffles, partly because he reacts so is targeted and partly because he can be an idiot.

His school mostly ignores the behaviour, nothing ever happens so he will hit back.
The school he is going to next year doesn’t tolerate that crap, he had been told he if he gets expelled he will have to go to the shit school with the kids that annoy him now. So hopefully it stops.

I think it’s fine to tell kids to hit back, I would make sure they understand there might be consequences.

Hit back. And harder.

You can teach them how to look after themselves without telling them to hit back. Is it not a muddled message to tell them hitting is wrong but in the next breath tell them to do it? Terribly confusing for a child

I think it's different for girls but my heart goes out to boys that are getting bullied and haven't been taught to stand up for themselves.

I've had more tears from boys for being in trouble/losing friends / losing a fight /they hurt someone because they've been told to be a man and stand up for themselves. Mostly over stupid shit/misunderstandings/football. Fucking football. Imagine the self esteem hit when they get into a fight and get easily put to the ground. Because they were not a man. And now they're crying too on top of it all. And dad will be mad/disappointed. And various toxic bullshit.

Not everyone is the fucking karate kid.

In my experience as a teacher - very seldom.

Part of the problem is that schools are dreadful at protecting the decent kids, in my view.

Nowadays, of course, we have "restorative justice". It's supposed to work when done correctly. "How do you think Johnny felt when you punched him in the face?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

I'm now mainly retired. When I was a middle manager, I reminded parents that they had the right to call the police. The problem in Scotland, however, is that the police generally don't want to know when the perpetrator is under 16.

You finish up with ridiculous situations where the victims are allowed to come to school slightly late and to leave class slightly earlier. To my mind, we're simply othering the victims and depriving them of part of their education.

I'm not a violent parent teaching a violent child as someone said above. My child was standing up for herself against her bully on the school playground (they were both around 13yo). He instigated the bullying on the playground that day. She didn't go looking for it, he brought it to her and she hit back.

I didn't give a fuck why the child was bullying my daughter, whether he had SEN, or issues at home. School could have found this out (or would have already known) and they could have addressed it sensitively with that in mind whilst protecting my daughter. Instead they presumed he fancied her and it was all misguided attention seeking, which she should clearly put up with as a 'be nice' girl. So she 'misguided' her water bottle at him and put an end to it.

We had one case where a boy kept targeting girls - kept punching them or kicking them. He was S3/Y10.

I kept reporting him to the SLT. Nothing was done.

One day, he started on an S4/Y11 girl in the playground. She thumped him. He left school permanently - his family claimed that he was being home schooled.

I’m not quite sure teaching them one thing then arbitrarily deciding that at a finger in the air time in their life is suddenly a time to unlearn socialised behaviors, especially around impulse control.

I can give several stories of fights at work involving employees and people in managerial roles/ positions of authority that have resulted in physical altercations. Although not common it certainly happens and regularly results in dismissal.

If the school is not doing enough to protect its students, then that is something that needs to be addressed, and if they fail to address it and a child is getting physically assaulted then I would call the police if that was my child. It’s a crime at the end of the day.

Could tell you were in Scotland by your username. 😀

I'm in Scotland too and I’ve heard of this idea of the victims being escorted to classes, leaving slightly later/earlier. I think it’s ludicrous - might as well stick a neon sign above their head singling them out as a grass/loser.

I agree with you one hundred per cent.

We have had some violent children who fit your description at our school and guess who they go for? Not the ones who will hit back but those who will take a smack to the head and not retaliate. It really isn’t fair to put other children’s needs above your own.

We had next-door-neighbours growing up with two kids younger than me.
My friend and I were out playing in the back when the older kid came over uninvited and started harassing us.
He wouldn’t leave, and he began insulting us and knocking over our little “kitchen” made from boxes.
Then he began shoving me, and my reaction was to punch him in the face.
I gave him a bloody nose.
We were about 7 or 8.
He ran home to tattle, but we never heard from his mother.
That stupid little kid grew up to be a doctor. An MD. I can’t believe it. I hope I’m never sick in his town, wherever he lives now.

School leadership is crap then. In my experience anyone hitting is punished. Anyone. However I live in a leafy lane area and it’s rare. My DC didn’t go to school with such horrors. I’d move.