Do you teach your child to hit back?

[SweetBobby]

If yes, why?
If no, why?

I do and I feel pretty strongly about it. Being able to stand up for yourself in life is absolutely vital.

YABU- No I don't
YANBU- Yes I do

@SweetBobby you are putting your child in danger with this advice. Violence should be a last resort - your dc may end up on the very wrong side of things one day, there’s always someone stronger.

No I didn't. I'm fortunate in that each one was only ever hit once at primary school. Both in year 1. Once when a boy threw something at dd2 i didn't mention to the school as the boy had SEN and I knew he had a 1:1 and they were dealing with it and they did. The other time with dd1 i told the school and it stopped. He wasn't a bad kid and I never heard of other issues. Both dds went through their comp never being hit.

No, I was raised to read the situation & doing the same for my dc. Some people you can hit back & some you can’t. But I grew up in a (then) rough part of London.

I’ve told them not to start a fight, walk away if they can but if someone hits them then they won’t be punished for defending themselves.

What if the bully one day is their boss? Worth destroying their career over?
Knife crime is ever increasing. Will you have them carry as well?

Sometimes, as in my case, the disregulated neurodivergent child is the one being bullied. And not by the other ND children.

My dc also do martial arts/self defence stuff & the goal is to get away asap.

If their boss is physically assaulting them then that’s a whole other story!! Bullying in other forms can be dealt with in a non physical way of course!

What if the bully one day is their boss? Worth destroying their career over?
Knife crime is ever increasing. Will you have them carry as well?

Exactly, I think some live in little bubbles though.

I think there is a fine line, if you don't teach them to hit back you could be setting them up to be hit, tell the teacher, child loses 5 minutes of their playtime. They hit your child again, it just teaches your child they will be hit and someone might be told off and a different child might do it next time so your child just gets hit.

If it is secondary then it is a different kettle of fish. Ds "won" a fight without hitting or hurting the other child. The other child lost because Ds knew how to defend himself. He did karate, they didn't know that and he had been ground fighting for years, ie you start off kneeling so was used to grappling, being manhandled and pinning people down, some much bigger than him. Yes they are taught not to fight but to hold and prevent the other person attacking them. But if there is no escaping a fight then they know how to end it, violently.

My other child has been sucker punched at school, luckily it honestly didn't bother him and he said the child couldn't punch for toffee. For other children this would have been very traumatic. Violence is never the answer but sometimes it is necessary to stop the fight. I taught mine putting someone on the floor is enough, you don't then need to do more.

I didn’t and dc suffered years of bullying.

A bully tried to throw my child down a concrete set of stairs, so my child broke their nose and I felt that was a deserved consequence.

And the boss hits them?

Any kind of bullying, even if it does end up physical. The one being violent will get sacked. The second the other hits back it becomes a punch up. Both get sacked. So yes. Violence in the workplace is never okay.

Yes, never start it but if someone hits you you hit them back. He also did martial arts which taught him self defence and confidence. In year 5 a year 6 bully squared up to my son and tried to start a fight and my son had him on the floor within seconds doing a takedown. Didn't have an issue with him since

I always told mine that if someone hurts them first - they have the right to hurt them back , harder .
i didn’t want my kids being bullied . I wanted them to know its ok to stand up themselves .
teachers don’t do anything . No matter how many times they are told . Kids have to learn to look after themselves , same as adults do .

Yup

But so far they haven't had to

Self defence is hitting back

We always told our children if someone hits you.
You hit back harder but never hit first.

Our DD was being bullied by 4 boys in year 8. Broke her glasses,
ripped her books, tripped her up always where no one could see.
School did nothing.
One day in the dining hall 2 of these boys kicked her making her drop her
tray with her lunch on. This time it was in front of her older brother.
He stood up walked over and hit them both. Didn't say a word just hit once.
Within 30 minutes school had phoned me to call him a bully.
My words were if you had protected his sister he wouldn't have had to do that.
I put the phone down and never heard anything again about the son.
Bullying stopped.

What if the bully one day is their boss? Worth destroying their career over?

^

Let's face it, if you accepted a job where your old bully is your boss you're a fool to yourself

I was always taught to never ever fight. I was such a timid kid and I ended up being smacked by a bully one day & I took it without fighting back. I was so upset.

I was going to adopt this line of teaching. I don’t want it to be ok to hit someone ever, I just don’t think there’s a place for it in the world.

However, the world now & the people in it, I have changed my opinion. I have stressed to my DD that she isn’t to bully anyone ever. BUT, if she’s being bullied/smacked & someone else smacks her first, if she feels she wants to smack them back at the same level, she won’t be in trouble with me. Defend yourself but don’t ever start it.

I hope it never comes to this.

'Leaving a potentially dangerous situation'? as if..they don't leave you alone they either stop you from leaving or drag you back. The teachers do nothing or give out punishments like 'standing on the balcony' (as it was in my dc's bully's case) and watch the bully get rewarded for good behavior on the day they're feeling a bit off. In primary it's best to nip it in the bud, the bully quickly realizes their victim is too much hassle and backs off. A good wallop in time saves nine.

We've not had to have the conversation yet but I sent them both to martial arts from a young age so that they can at least be quietly confident they can defend themselves if need be.

I was bullied at school

Retaliation was the only thing that worked

Had a fight with the main bully and surprisingly enough she never bothered me again

Odd, that

I see self defence as hitting back, not telling an adult.

It's a fools errand saying kids should never hit, because the teachers don't get involved with every playground scuffle so if your kid is the one who doesn't hit, he's the one that's going to get battered all the time. I tell mine that they should only hit if they absolutely have to, but if the other kid won't stop hitting and you can't get away, you have to hit them back. That's what an adult does - if someone hit you, you wouldn't just stand there taking it. If you couldn't get away, you'd fight back.