Do you teach your child to hit back?

[SweetBobby]

If yes, why?
If no, why?

I do and I feel pretty strongly about it. Being able to stand up for yourself in life is absolutely vital.

YABU- No I don't
YANBU- Yes I do

I’m only asking you because you’ve commented recently but it would appear that many people share the same sentiment and I have to say I’m surprised.

You're saying that you would tell your child to hit back, and I was saying that why would this be ok to do in school, any reasonable person would not use violence to retaliate or otherwise in the workplace. You would actually use violence in the workplace??

Even if someone at work hit me, I would never, ever retaliate.

I understand @YellowSwanFrom .
Fair enough. But put of interest. If for some unlikely reason someone backed you into a corner and was punching you, what would you do?

Unfortunately, the police in my area refuse to do anything. "We'll leave it in the hands of the school."

Are you saying there’s a blurring of lines between school and outside of school? And therefore the rules are different? I see school as preparing children for life, and so I’m just not in agreement that it’s ok to teach children to hit.

There are certain industries where violence is rife, like the armed forces for example. Do I condone that? No.

Most of the pupils at my place of work were absolutely lovely. Unfortunately, we had a handful of thugs.

One decided to punch one of my colleagues during a fire drill. My colleague trained in a martial art. He didn't hit the thug who had just punched him, but he blocked the second punch.

The thug's parents called the police. The police told the parents and my colleague that he had no case to answer. However, they refused to charge the thug because he was only 15.

The parents complained to the directorate and my colleague was suspended, pending an investigation.

The police got the thug for TWOC when he turned 16. Nowadays, he wouldn't even get Community Service for that.

I reported it when another teenager punched me in the stomach. The police '"lost the paperwork" and SACRO tried to persuade me to have a "restorative conversation" with the boy who was "really sorry that" I'd "got in the way".

As I said in a previous post, the only time I can recall anything happening was the time a teenager set fire to a homeless person.

Police Scotland simply does not want to know.

@YellowSwanFrom No I'm asking what would you personally do If someone backed you into a corner and was hitting you.

So yes, teaching my kids to defend themselves is preparing them for life. It's not just thugs who end up getting into fights. Sometimes someone squares up to you for no god damn reason. So you need to know that you can protect yourself.

I think workplaces take hitting another colleague more seriously than school does with a child hitting another. Likely termination of a role (and they would likely just have a word with the victim who hit back)
Most people tell their kids to go to the teacher/ avoid the other child in the first instance. But sadly a lot of the time school interventions dont do anything and the bully continues.

I ended up not telling anyone in the end as nothing ever happened with my bully.

Then this issue is more about schools and their inability to deal with bullying (in this country), which I would agree is a problem. But then my thought process is, maybe these children come from families who are showing them that violence is okay, they are the parents who are saying it’s ok to use violence, causing a cycle of more violence.

@Christmascrumbling Not if they are taught to only use violence if they themselves are under physical attack. Do you think it's wrong to teach your daughter how to fight back against a rapist? Should she just be taught to let him rape her as any type of violence is wrong?

Not if they are taught its a last resort.

My brother isnt violent, and he punched a couple of bullies in school in the end
Hasnt hit anyone else in his life or been in a fight.

We were always taught to go to the teachers/ not hit back etc. That didnt work. First time he hit someone after a month of telling teacher etc. Didnt bother him again. Second bully let him away for a couple of weeks with warnings and telling teacher. Then punched him and no bother after that.

For me i was taught i was a nuisance and tattle telling the teacher after a while.
So i just stopped sayimg anything. Luckily it became less hitting and more words etc. But by the time i was in secondary school was just a target. Probably cause i had no self esteem

I’m sorry you that experience. That’s definitely a problem with the school, not you, and not because you weren’t using violence. For me, even when it’s framed as ‘self-defence’, it’s still violence.

@Rustyfeet Your work scenario is extremely rare. Maybe a police officer or social worker might be attacked but most people at work are not. And never will be. I have never had to give it a moments thought plus I imagine others would intervene if any violence was involved.

@YellowSwanFrom I would never teach a child to hit and I have said I find the violence being advocated in this thread alarming. Violence never works out well for anyone. Parents advocating it are never going to resolve issues this way. It’s actually why dc carry knives isn’t it! To defend themselves. Poor outcomes all round.

As a PP has asked, what happens if you're a girl or woman protecting yourself against sexual assault? If screaming doesn't work, do you just resign yourself to being assaulted and hope that you survive?

I do, because I believe in defending one's self. I teach her not to mess with other people's children, but if they fuck around, let 'em find out.

Schools are also woefully incapable of dealing with bullying, so fight for yourself, then I'll come and sort out the rest.

Lots of schools have this problem even now. I left school a long time ago now.
Violence is not going anywhere.

If after the first couple of instances i had just shoved him he would not have seen me as an easy target. Instead the teacher got him to apologise and the next day
he was back at it.

The question of what would I do if cornered / sexually assaulted etc are just baiting questions and I find them irrelevant to the thread subject. Of course, no one knows how they would react in cases of extreme violence / assault, unless they’ve been through something similar.

DS did it for verbal bullying retaliation in secondary. DS was happy to see the other person be left sobbing with a black eye in tears.

He got suspended but we always told DS we supported him.

If it's physically bullying, at least attempting to fight back (even if you lose) would be better than just getting hit.

Precisely. So don't castigate those who have been put in a position where they have had to fight back.

I see a lot of weak people on this thread. Never start the fight but always stand up for yourself and use self defense.

Being hit on the playground at school is not quite the same though is it? And school is a learning environment. Come on, you can’t compare say a 6 year old hitting another 6 year old to rape and serious assault between adults who should know the law. I was hit twice at school and did not retaliate.

Not according to every answer to n Google so I will confidently stick to my interpretation of its meaning!

I would say daily physical bullying is extreme.
And the kids would know the rules of the school surely. They still did it.

Do you honestly think that people are only talking about being "hit on the playground"? At best, you're woefully naive.

I'm not going over every incident again, but I still remember with a shudder stopping an assault in a school stairwell where one teenage boy had another on the floor and was kicking him in the head. It's the only time in my life that I've seen lumps erupting from someone's forehead as I watched.

He was in no physical danger and unremorseful for causing physical harm. You can support him in being violent but it doesn't help him. He doesn't understand the long term consequences of his actions will have on his life. What if his wife verbally attacks him. Will you support him in giving her a black eye?

The law is a bit different to playground rules. And children are still learning about morality, rules and how to regulate themselves. That’s why you can’t convict a child of assault by law, as I’m sure you know. In cases of extreme violence there should absolutely be consequences, but I’ve already said that I agree this is a problem in schools up and down the country. The bully type often comes from a household where violence is condoned at the end of the day. They might grow up to become violent adults.