Do you teach your child to hit back?

[SweetBobby]

If yes, why?
If no, why?

I do and I feel pretty strongly about it. Being able to stand up for yourself in life is absolutely vital.

YABU- No I don't
YANBU- Yes I do

I’m not naive. Both DH and I are from ordinary working class backgrounds, went to state schools etc. although I’d say I grew up in a nicer area. DH got beaten to a pulp once, had threats made multiple times, and once apparently did hit someone back upon his mother’s advice. That probably shaped a lot of his opinions on society, but he’s not someone who would use violence now nor would either of us advise our children to use it.

This taunting had been going on for months on end and the other boy had gotten others to join in and ridiculing DS on a daily basis.

DS decided to sort the problem and the other people who bullied DS received detentions.

@UrgentScurryfunge I'm so sorry for what you have experienced but, to me, your post sums things up perfectly. Defending yourself does not mean you are going to turn into some homicidal maniac, it just means you are not prepared to be anyone's "victim". Well done you for standing up for yourself, I bet it took a lot of courage.

Well, that's your choice and very altruistic of you. Unfortunately, passivity tends to backfire. Absolutely your decision, of course.

He was also cracked about the head as a child many a time, and went into the armed forces during his twenties and saw an unholy amount of bullying and violence. I’m not sure it’s altruistic. I’m just genuinely surprised that’s it’s the opinion of many on here that it’s ok to tell your kids to hit back.

I'm surprised that some think that it's morally wrong to hit back as a last resort.

Not to hit back but I tell him that he can push people away if they tried to hit him and he must tell a grown up. Not encountered this yet though and hes quite the rule abider so I'm not sure he would anyway

@YellowSwanFrom I am sorry this happened to you but perhaps you wouldn't have been hit that second time if you'd retaliated after being hit the first time. All you did was show the hitter that they could use you as their own personal punchbag and you'd just let them.

Different kids

I'm surprised that some think that it's morally wrong to hit back as a last resort.

The issue is a lot of kids do not use it as a last resort. So you end up with a lot of fights and children getting hurt over accidents, games and misunderstandings.

Then people moan and wonder why this game or that game got banned .

DS was bullied for a year while we went through the official process of telling the teacher and making complaints. Eventually we had both had enough so I told him to hit back without overdoing it, and the bullying stopped right there and then. Kids shouldn't have to dread going to school because of bullying.

It’s much more constructive to learn avoidance techniques. Violence is never the answer. Keeping away from the dc who are objectionable is the answer. Having great friends and sticking with them is the best protection. Strategies to avoid bullying and violent dc is always the best policy. Not retaliation.

You are all describing a society that’s so far away from mine I feel like we live in a different world. Maybe decent heads just won’t work in violent neighbourhoods and where parents don’t know right from wrong? I would start wondering why schools won’t stop bullying. It’s definitely poor quality leadership and ethos at the schools. Maybe some areas just don't attract the best heads?

@YellowSwanFrom that must have been awful for you, word had obviously got around that you were an easy target. I found I only had to hit back once when I'd just started high school, on the advice of my older brother, it took a lot of courage as it didn't come naturally to me, but I was never picked on again.

Just heard a headline on the news about teachers who are frightened of their pupils in the classroom . They're scared of violence in the classroom in Wales. That's so fucked up.

@TizerorFizz But what if the "d"c who are objectionable won't keep away from you?

Then you defend yourself in the real world.

@Pilgrimgirl These dc really will not attack a group. There’s safety in numbers. Learning to navigate the world avoiding dc you don’t like is a skill dc have to learn. Playgrounds are busy - play with other dc. Go into classrooms with other dc.Sit with friends. Say to a teacher if there is an issue with another dc and you want to sit somewhere else. Learn how to avoid violent dc. Never walk home alone. Parents need to give skills to dc and not tell them to retaliate.

Most dc do not have these issues and it’s constructive to work with schools. I’m wondering if schools know parents tell dc to use violence and then avoid those parents. I don’t know because I don’t live in this world but there are some dc who will end up in prison so avoid them!

@TizerorFizz You are talking about an ideal world here. You can't always be with a group of people at all times. Some people will have no choice but to walk home alone and what if you happen to be someone without a whole group of friends to surround you. What if your friends are as afraid as you are to stand up for themselves and what if you are a loner who has no friends? The type of popular kid who is surrounded by a big group of friends at all times probably isn't the type who is going to get picked on, but in the real world not every child is as lucky as that.

@TizerorFizz DS is a big lad, and popular. One issue was the teachers sat him next to the bully in class. He'd come home every day with marks where he'd been given a dead leg or dead arm, or stabbed with a compass or pencil. One time he was sent home with paint rubbed in his hair. The school would give some blather about how they were managing the situation, how we had to remember the other child had problems, and nothing would change.

Either Tiger lives in utopia or she is mistaken. Turning the other cheek was my religious upbringing jesus really couldn't save me, I had to save myself from a mean girl gang aged 14.

Funnily enough I didn't feel the rage/passion again until I had my first child. Then the tiger returned

I said my daughter go tell teacher, the teacher not react, then I said my daughter hit back been call to school tell teacher is her own force because when my daughter tell her she not react

Primary or secondary @Julia34 ?

Hell yes!

DD 1 was picked on at school (secondary) by a girl a year younger. I know the mum and grandma and the bully bitch trait surely was passed down. Awful family.
DD1 don’t like confrontation.

bully had a sister a yr younger than DD2 and she began picking on DD2. Bitch trait passed on there too.

but DD2 is a terrier. Push her too far and she will bite.

bully 2 kept picking on DD2, shoving, intimidating, threw water on her in the school hall at lunch time. Teachers knew very well what went on as they knew what the bullies and the family were like. DD2 sure blew, put her head in a headlock and whacked her in the nose.

both bullies were expelled for a week a d eventually moved on to finish their education at another school.

i will always be proud of my kids. Bullies need standing up to. I was bulled and wish to god i had the guts to hit back, but i didnt.

I just live in a nice area. My DCs never reported any bullying or fighting or violence. Most parents would be appalled. It’s just how most decent people live. That’s why I’m wondering where people live!

Also schools here would exclude the child who put another in a headlock and hit them. Anyway, I’m glad I live here. We are all quite peaceful.