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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm never that girl :(

150 replies

Hello113 · 05/12/2024 20:29

Bit of a pity party I guess. Single 4 years, no one ever shows any interest in me. All friends coupled up. A week ago I drank too much when out for the night (I know) and slept with a sort of friend/ acquaintance who I've felt chemistry with in the past. He's now left my message on read for over 24 hours. I just feel like I'm never the girl they actually want. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know because I don't want them to know what happened.

OP posts:
Fabulouslyunfabulous · 05/12/2024 20:31

What did your message say?

Screamingabdabz · 05/12/2024 20:34

Aw op. I was you. So was my DN. Both got there in the end with lovely men. Found them the minute we gave up looking…A familiar story I think. Don't give up!

Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 20:39

Fabulouslyunfabulous · 05/12/2024 20:31

What did your message say?

I just said I enjoyed your company and then made reference to a group of us that used to go out saying it's a shame those get together don't happen anymore.
I feel like shit. I don't deserve to be ignored.

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 05/12/2024 20:42

That's a good, basic, neutral message. Maybe he's trying to work out what to say. Many men are unable to cobble together a few words, never mind a whole text. They really are pathetic.

Did you enjoy your time with friend/acquaintance? If so, don't worry about it. If you see him again, just be friendly.

Lwrenn · 05/12/2024 20:47

You absolutely don’t fucking deserve to be ignored.

You aren’t the problem here, the pathetic being that can’t reply to a text is the issue.

Letsgetalong · 05/12/2024 20:52

I'm sorry OP. It is cliche but I think people can sense when you are longing for things to develop into something more and for whatever reason it can put guys off.

It will happen. Keep meeting people but just see it as meeting lots of potential friends. Make it fun. You are checking them out, you have nothing to prove to them. (This is what helped me)

hope that makes sense!

Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 20:56

Lwrenn · 05/12/2024 20:47

You absolutely don’t fucking deserve to be ignored.

You aren’t the problem here, the pathetic being that can’t reply to a text is the issue.

Thank you. Needed to hear that x

OP posts:
ManhattanPopcorn · 05/12/2024 20:57

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars .....

It's entirely possible that if you didn't ask a question he didn't think any reply was necessary. My husband and sons do this all the time. They are baffled as to why I'm annoyed that they didn't reply. They didn't think a really was expected.

Apolloneuro · 05/12/2024 20:58

Oh mate. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be ignored. Chin up.

DuckonaBike · 05/12/2024 20:59

But if you referred to a group of you who used to go out and said it’s a shame those get togethers don’t happen any more, that sounds as if you were saying you would be happy to see him again as a friend. Maybe he thought you were giving him the brush off?

Would you want a relationship with him?

Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:01

DuckonaBike · 05/12/2024 20:59

But if you referred to a group of you who used to go out and said it’s a shame those get togethers don’t happen any more, that sounds as if you were saying you would be happy to see him again as a friend. Maybe he thought you were giving him the brush off?

Would you want a relationship with him?

I didn't get the impression the next day that he wanted to progress things so I just thought I'd send like a friendly message because I will at least bump into him again, we move in the same circles.
So I very much doubt he feels brushed off. The only thing I can think is that he thinks I want more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:02

DuckonaBike · 05/12/2024 20:59

But if you referred to a group of you who used to go out and said it’s a shame those get togethers don’t happen any more, that sounds as if you were saying you would be happy to see him again as a friend. Maybe he thought you were giving him the brush off?

Would you want a relationship with him?

I wouldn't be opposed to going for a drink, I feel fairly neutral really. I fancy him but I dont know if we are that compatible for a relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:03

ManhattanPopcorn · 05/12/2024 20:57

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars .....

It's entirely possible that if you didn't ask a question he didn't think any reply was necessary. My husband and sons do this all the time. They are baffled as to why I'm annoyed that they didn't reply. They didn't think a really was expected.

Edited

Yeah I get that but it was a nice message I sent. It's the type of message you would reply to. That's if you wanted to of course. Which he clearly doesn't.

OP posts:
Fabulouslyunfabulous · 05/12/2024 21:07

Hello113 · 05/12/2024 20:39

I just said I enjoyed your company and then made reference to a group of us that used to go out saying it's a shame those get together don't happen anymore.
I feel like shit. I don't deserve to be ignored.

Show quote history

You really don’t!
I was just checking because for all we know you may have sent something bizarre!

You deserve more

CharlotteStreetW1 · 05/12/2024 21:08

Ah OP I've been there. I was always the "safe" mate who was no threat and I was always one of the lads. I remember two different blokes taking me for drinks one valentines because both their girlfriends were away but they fancied some company and I was "there". I had a laugh but woke up alone the next morning feeling thoroughly insulted!

I also engaged in some unwise liaisons over the years which did nothing for my self-esteem.

Eventually I met my male equivalent and we've been "safe" together for 25 years.

Keep the faith OP!

user1492757084 · 05/12/2024 21:14

Time to move out of your safe circle of friends perhaps.
And your message did come across as very friendly.
Odd that he didn't respond.

I would ask him out on a date and once and for all get the real answer - rejection or date.

Join a club that interests you greatly - Ski Club - for example and find some new options.

Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:17

user1492757084 · 05/12/2024 21:14

Time to move out of your safe circle of friends perhaps.
And your message did come across as very friendly.
Odd that he didn't respond.

I would ask him out on a date and once and for all get the real answer - rejection or date.

Join a club that interests you greatly - Ski Club - for example and find some new options.

Oooh no I wouldn't be asking him out if he's not even replying to messages.
I don't know if I'd even want to go out with him, I feel kind of neutral about that part. I just do not at all appreciate having messages completely ignored. It's so rude.

OP posts:
niadainud · 05/12/2024 21:17

Screamingabdabz · 05/12/2024 20:34

Aw op. I was you. So was my DN. Both got there in the end with lovely men. Found them the minute we gave up looking…A familiar story I think. Don't give up!

So... give up or don't give up?!

OP, I sympathise. I'm never that girl either and the song from Wicked makes me cry.

Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:18

CharlotteStreetW1 · 05/12/2024 21:08

Ah OP I've been there. I was always the "safe" mate who was no threat and I was always one of the lads. I remember two different blokes taking me for drinks one valentines because both their girlfriends were away but they fancied some company and I was "there". I had a laugh but woke up alone the next morning feeling thoroughly insulted!

I also engaged in some unwise liaisons over the years which did nothing for my self-esteem.

Eventually I met my male equivalent and we've been "safe" together for 25 years.

Keep the faith OP!

Edited

I like the phrase "unwise liasons"!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:19

niadainud · 05/12/2024 21:17

So... give up or don't give up?!

OP, I sympathise. I'm never that girl either and the song from Wicked makes me cry.

Show quote history

Oh god yes, forgot about that song.

OP posts:
TriesNotToBeCynical · 05/12/2024 21:20

Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:03

Yeah I get that but it was a nice message I sent. It's the type of message you would reply to. That's if you wanted to of course. Which he clearly doesn't.

Show quote history

Speaking as a man, I'd read that message as "let's just be friends; no reply needed, or particularly wanted". Not sure how you actually meant it.

Original poster
Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:23

TriesNotToBeCynical · 05/12/2024 21:20

Speaking as a man, I'd read that message as "let's just be friends; no reply needed, or particularly wanted". Not sure how you actually meant it.

Show quote history

Oh really.

OP posts:
Lifeomars · 05/12/2024 21:23

That's a good message, shows that you are thoughtful and a decent human being, It's crap not to be treated the way you deserve and you definitely deserve better.

TriesNotToBeCynical · 05/12/2024 21:26

Hello113 · 05/12/2024 21:23

Oh really.

Show quote history

Yes. The bit about the group suggests you might want to see him again but only as a part of the group that used to go out.

EauNeu · 05/12/2024 21:29

i agree, I think you've been too business like and he's maybe sitting there feeling gutted. it's like you're trying to pretend it didn't happen

I'd have sent something breezy like 'that was fun, would do that again sometime'