I'm never that girl :(

[Hello113]

Bit of a pity party I guess. Single 4 years, no one ever shows any interest in me. All friends coupled up. A week ago I drank too much when out for the night (I know) and slept with a sort of friend/ acquaintance who I've felt chemistry with in the past. He's now left my message on read for over 24 hours. I just feel like I'm never the girl they actually want. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know because I don't want them to know what happened.

I was that girl and felt like “giving up” until age 33 I met someone via hobby, and we clicked which led to a baby at 35 & married 19yrs now. Work on enjoying yourself do hobbies, join a club that interests you and keep interacting with folk build your self esteem the right person will click.

I read that as "met someone through my hubby" and was confused for a moment

But what if they don't

I am 41, been single for... 13 years, have a great life, am happy and have absolutely given up on finding someone, havent even so much as kissed anyone in about 2 years, now.
And no, I havent clicked with anyone. Prince Charming doesnt just show up because you stopped looking for him.
And I live my life, I go out, I have friends, I have a great life, actually! But I am still happily single and I dont expect that to change, ever, to be honest... Because if it hasnt in 13 years... why would that change now? (And no, Im not on dating apps, cause that is just super depressing LOL - the effort needed to then meet people, not the being on the apps themselves!)

It's not you at all.. they are just not your people.
Your person will come along in the mean time do things that you enjoy and tell yourself your worth it 😘 don't give the person who cant respond to a message time in your head you are worth so much more x

It’s so shit when people don’t reply - he’s rude given that you’re hooked up , he should at least acknowledge it and be polite especially if you’re in the same friendship group . But like others have said it’s nothing to do with you, he’s being a twat and it’s made you feel like crap but don’t let it . Your confidence is low and you’re vulnerable so any ‘hook ups’ aren’t going to do you any good. A decent person won’t leave you feeling anxious or pissed off .
You will meet someone lovely!

I agree. I will make a statement to my SO and then wait for a reply. I have to ask him "are you going to say something?" and he'll just stare. I've had to be more deliberate and it's taken 20 years to realize this!

I would not. If he was keen, he'd have replied. And if he is keen, he will make it known.
I'd cut losses with this chap and try broadening circles (hard though it is).

I'm a woman and that's how I'd interpret it, too, tbh.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. So there could be loads of reasons why he hasn’t texted back.
In future don’t be the first to text, resist the temptation.

@LondonFox - the guy didn't message her for a week. She reached out to try and make it less awkward when they next bump into each other.

Women don't have to be permanently available to any bloke who clicks his fingers and chase him

The op has said she not interested in him in a romantic way, but is sadly reminded she hasn't met someone she would like form a relationship with.

Unless I've completely misunderstood, you definitely have!

@MotheringIsRuf do you not find that so depressing being with someone like that?

Frustrating but not depressing... We just have different communication styles. His love language is acts of service and other modes of showing affection. We have done work to make sure we communicate what we need - I will say "I just need to vent, or I am looking for your POV." It's hard to feel comfortable doing that with someone new but works for me at this stage in my life.

Are you over thinking this? If someone messages me and the reply might require suggesting dates to meet up or do something I won’t always know my availability. I might need to check work / social calendar first before suggesting a date. Consequently it a sometimes take me a couple of days to respond.

This used to be me. For years and years I felt like something was wrong with me, no one ever paid any interest in me, if I did start talking to someone they'd eventually ghost me. I know it's hard but one day everything will just click into place, focus on yourself and I promise good things will come I know it's cliche I thought this too but if you stop looking someone will come

I’ve been you, at the same age too. I got to a point I couldn’t see the worth in my existence. I’m 10 years down the road, life is so different.
The thing is, I changed my life. I moved to a different part of the country, I changed jobs, I got myself into a workout regime and set myself some goals - none of it with the intention of finding a partner, I just decided I had to think about me and me only. I’m not saying you have to go to those lengths but you do need to put your own self ahead of focussing on the non existent (sorry that’s harsh).
Ive got a husband and son I’d stopped imagining now. But they’re real, and I’m content with my life. It’s possible. Don’t give up on yourself.

Honestly. How is this helpful

It makes those of us who are single not through choice feel even more inadequate

I wish people would stop trotting out this cliche

I agree with @wholettheturnipsburn and @ASGIRC I’m sure people mean well but the truth is not everyone ends up with their Mr or Mrs Right. And I’m not just talking about single people!

Many people are in marriages and long term relationships with people they don’t really like, click or get on with!

Let’s face it’s a lot of people are in awful or mediocre at best relationships due to finances or fear of being single.

Just move on.

There will be many amazing contacts in future, but even more crappy ones.
Just wait for the one. You'll know.
But lose this one.

He was definitely rude not to reply. There was nothing wrong with your message given that at least you had made contact, unlike him who hadn’t reached out for a week and probably wasn’t going to anytime soon. The very least he could’ve done was reply. He has now made things awkward for both of you!

That sucks, it can be hurtful when everyone else seems to be happily paired up, but I hope you do find your person.

No I know but the last person before him was 3 years ago who I went on 5 days before sleeping with and then he ghosted me the day after we slept together.

No, he's ignored it for 2 days. He's not going to reply.
I know people are saying oh you didn't ask a question etc but I think it's rude to ignore anyone's messages. Especially when you've been intimate with someone. Way to make them feel vulnerable.

So don't feel vulnerable, feel ready for whatever is next!

This!
And ignore that rude twat OP. He's not worth the brain power x

@Hello113 how are you pal?
Been thinking of you and hoping you’re not feeling shite still over some gutless wonder.