I'm never that girl :(

[Hello113]

Bit of a pity party I guess. Single 4 years, no one ever shows any interest in me. All friends coupled up. A week ago I drank too much when out for the night (I know) and slept with a sort of friend/ acquaintance who I've felt chemistry with in the past. He's now left my message on read for over 24 hours. I just feel like I'm never the girl they actually want. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know because I don't want them to know what happened.

If you want a serious relationship, a one night stand with a random acquaintance isn't it. You're giving the wrong signals.

If you slept together a week ago and he's not been in contact then he's just not that into you (and even if you're the exception to that, do you really want to be involved with someone who shows such little regard for your feelings? No).

please don’t waste your time thinking about why he hasn’t replied

he hasn’t and you are worth being, in the very least, polite towards. It really is that simple

raise your bar

The message was neutral and not saying anything about what had happened. I suppose the way to go is having coffee out somewhere and put things into perspective.
You don't sound that bothered so nothing to lose. At least it would clear the air.

I slept with someone I'd had a few dates with, and it was the middle of winter, I don't like a lot of central heating, and he kept complaining about how cold it was at my house. He didn't text me the next day, and when I messaged him he didn't reply, so I then chided him for being so rude as to sleep with me and then ignore me. He replied that he was very sorry but his fingers had only just warmed up enough to text 😂

I wouldn't worry about the message. You acted with dignity - did the right thing. You said you don't really want a relationship with the man. And if you did and he did it would eventually happen. But it doesn't sound right - so leave things lie.
You sound nice and there'll be better things coming along. It doesn't mean you're not good enough it just means things haven't fallen into place yet. They will.

Speaking as a woman so would I.

I agree with this. Give it a bit of time.

I agree with this. Give it a bit of time.

See I find not replying quite rude and inconsiderate.

This is anecdotal op, but one of my friends found that if she slept with a guy on the first night it wasn't going to go anywhere, like he put her in the group of "not the bringing home to mom" type. Not that there's anything wrong with being with someone quickly, of course. I'm sure you're awesome and I hope you find someone.

If he can't bother to reply to a text then that doesn't bode well anyway.

Me too. 18 years for me

Pisses me off to read all the posters with their cliched - you'll meet someone when you're not looking, etc.

OP I think he has taken your post as a friend zoning

You could drop another and just see if he fancies a coffee

Your message was fine but he is not interested, he is setting the tone.

Don't hold interest in one. Treat them as if you are cooking. Have 3 to 4 pots on the boil not just one pot on its own. No need to have shags with them all but it can be interesting to see if any come to the boil first (puts in effort at wanting to meet out).

I think this is very sensible advice

Don’t judge yourself badly because of him, a bloke who doesn’t have the decency to reply. You’r worth so much more!
I would enjoy being single, no compromises and no dwelling on ‘when will you meet someone special’. Concentrate on yourself, what makes you happy? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but have put it off? Do it! Have fun, be weird but most of all know that you are special x

How old are you love?

You don't know that he's not interested for definite. As others have said you didn't ask a question in your text and men can also be under confident, not sure how to reply and reading too much into what you said.

That said it doesn't sound like you actually want to pursue things further so it's probably a good idea to leave it. Next time though, when it's someone you do want to keep seeing then be more direct and find out exactly where you stand.

When I met my DH I spent all evening trying to drop subtle hints that I would be open to being asked on a date. At the end of the party, a few vodkas down and after annoying my friends with the is he/isn't he interested talk I threw caution to the wind and just said "so do you want to go on a date with me or not?"

He did and it turns out he was totally oblivious to my evening of hinting. "I thought you were just being nice" was his response when I quizzed him about it a while later.

I think @ManhattanPopcorn is right though. I know loads of men who would not consider that message needed a response.
Men can be about questions : their question, your answer. Your question, their answer. Chit chat … not so much.

OP I often leave messages on read for way longer than that even when it's someone I adore (friends) or was romantically interested in back before I met DP. I have ADHD and a few other neurological conditions that make a lot of social interaction feel quite overwhelming - it can take a ton of mental effort over hours or even days or sometimes weeks to build up to each response. Although I feel all warm and happy when I get the message and continue to feel like that for however long it takes me to reply. I know that's not normal (and many people with ADHD are the total opposite) but I have seen others in the ADHD support groups etc post saying they're like this too. It's got something to do with neurotransmitters I think. And taking ages to organise your thoughts and get them into words. So he may be ignoring you but there's a chance he's just another one of us weirdos.

If it turns out he isn't interested though, try not to be too disheartened. There are things you can do to improve your chances in finding love (to explain it clumsily, it's about making people's dopamine receptors light up when you talk to them - building charisma basically is a highly learnable skill). I'm a total weirdo in many ways like with the message thing and am far less good looking than your average woman, but I was good at dating and had loads of guys tell me our first date was the best they'd ever been on (many of them were way out of my league in terms of looks). More than a few of them went on to fall in love with me very quickly (I hadn't expected that at all)! Things like keeping the questions flowing and just being actively curious and interested in people has been shown by quite a few academic studies to help create strong connections with others for example and there are large areas of the internet devoted to discussing and learning about this kind of thing (reddit has a few groups). I haven't written this very eloquently (I'm on a ton of painkillers after some medical treatment) but I'm basically just saying you can work on getting better responses from the people you're into. There was a time I felt I'd always be the girl who nobody was into either but that changed for me and gave my confidence a massive boost! I now have a wonderful partner who I'm very happy with (and who knows it's me, not him, when I take ages to get back to his texts!)

It might not have needed a response, but if he was interested, he would have replied anyway!

OK - gross generalisations coming up, but from my experience men :-

Don't overthink this stuff half as much as we do (if at all)

Can smell desperation and back off

Call if they are interested

That said you don't deserve to be treated as you have. Hold your head up high and know your worth. I wish I hadn't spent so much time agonising over this stuff in the past.

Exactly... No. That doesnt magically happen. Ive been "not looking" for a very long time. And if I ever found myself interested in someone... it always turned out he wasnt interested in me "in that way", even if a few dates happened.

Your message does not provide any follow up cues so it is perfectly valid to just leave it as read.
I wonder what kind of response would you be expecting to get ?
"You're right", "Yeah", Sad face emoji?
You have admitted that he had not shown any signs of wanting to progress things, so ... ?

Right, that "or whatever" clearly indicates that you just wanted a text, any text, from him.
Next time, ask a question and you may get a bit luckier.
However, I think there are bigger issues here with your self-esteem that need addressing sooner rather than later.