I'm never that girl :(

[Hello113]

Bit of a pity party I guess. Single 4 years, no one ever shows any interest in me. All friends coupled up. A week ago I drank too much when out for the night (I know) and slept with a sort of friend/ acquaintance who I've felt chemistry with in the past. He's now left my message on read for over 24 hours. I just feel like I'm never the girl they actually want. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know because I don't want them to know what happened.

I agree with this actually. It reads to me as more than a “I’d like to get the gang back together message” rather than an “I’d like to spend more time with you” message.

So you had a one night stand with somebody you know? You want more and he's gone silent?

We have all been there. It sucks. It’s not your fault.

It was only when I was firmly convinced I would never marry that I met DH. I even told him I wasn’t looking for marriage when we started dating. And we’ve now been married 18 years, LOL. OP, you sound lovely…you will meet the right person.

100 percent.

Yep, I'd agree with others that that sounded like a "letting him down gently" message. But even if it didn't, does it matter?

You don't want a relationship with him. In this case, he's just not that guy, just like you're not that girl. You had a (presumably) fun night together, and that's all it was. And that's OK, I had a lot of fun nights in my younger days that never led to anything but that I still remember fondly.

There will be people out there who will fall madly in love with you, you just have to keep meeting new people, and trying not to take it personally when they or you are not the one.

If it's been a week since you went out and you only messaged him 24 hours ago then he had plenty of time to contact you first and say something nice. He didn't - plus he gave you the impression the next day that he wasn't really interested. Now he's not even bothered to reply so he's definitely not worth any more of your head space.

It doesn't sound like drunken ONS's are really your thing OP, they are just going to leave you feeling unwanted. You need to find someone nice and take things slowly IMO, if they don't want to take things slowly then they're not the one.

I think the problem is that a lot of men aren't actually that nice. The problem is them, not you.

Her message implied, "that was nice, but probably a mistake". How would a woman reply if she received a similar message? I probably wouldn't reply, especially if I felt rejected and didn't want to make things worse.

He’s obviously ducking a reply in case it appears he’s encouraging further contact/involvement - and yes, even though your message was nice and neutral, he could interpret it as an attempt to take things further. So like all immature, emotionally stunted man babies, he’d rather ghost you than go to the effort of replying in a similarly nice, casual way.

Which is good in a way, because it shows you without doubt that he’s not only fucking rude, but a dick and a user and an idiot - none of which are qualities you’d aspire to in anyone you spend time with, let alone a boyfriend. Don’t let a rude idiot knock your self-esteem. He’s not worth another moment of your precious time.

@Hello113 Your message was fine, and he lacks basic manners for not replying. You're worth more than this dude, and definitely don't deserve to be ignored. If he wanted he would. He very much would. The fact that he doesn't even send a neutral reply is telling of his character. Not pretty.

I am that girl as well. Been single, officially, maybe 12/13 years... Dated some guys casually after that, but it never really went further than that... I wouldnt have been opposed, but they just werent interested.

If he didnt reply, its because he doesnt have any interest. If he did, he would have said something, anything, just to keep the conversation going.

I have given up! And no, giving up has not made a prince charming appear on my doorstep! But its ok! I am happy alone, and well resolved, and I have a beautiful baby girl (I decided to take matters into my own hands and become a single mother by choice), and I dont need a man. But I have to admit sometimes I do miss having that intimacy.

fuck that.

If I'd had sex with someone, I would be responding even if I wasn't quite sure how to interpret the message. Absolutely bare minimum response would be "I enjoyed the evening too. Hope you're having a good day".

Equally neutral and leaves the door open to respond furhter or not.

ALl that bullshit about "oh it might imply friend zoning" is irrelevant. It's basic fucking manners to reply.

I find that men are not great at texting at the best of times.

Ah please dont feel like shit over a message. Men are shit are replying, christ knows how many times ive said to my DH "why no reply?"

@Hello113 as a man I feel the same been single for ages. Have you tried online dating?

I struggle to get dates and think I just unattractive

Absolutely agree!! If you've shagged someone, at least have the decency not to ignore them. So easy to just send a "yeah those times with everyone were fun hope you're having a good week" or whatever.

Yes, I also agree with this, so don't take it too personally:)

Aww, OP. Your post made me feel sad. You sound like a lovely person. Chin up!

It will happen, Hello. More likely if you are not looking and if you throw yourself into an activity, or work, with confidence; someone will notice and admire you.

Why on earth did you message that guy? It would have been better to wait and see if he messaged you.

This. He’s ‘not that guy’ for you either. Like the vast majority of people!

I agree with the PP who say he’s rude to not reply.
You are the better person OP, and sounds to me that you could do better than him!
This reflects more on his shortcomings, not yours.
x

Sadly op, it's true, you might never be that girl, not everyone does get to meet someone. You can make your best efforts to meet someone, be businesslike about it and see how it goes. At the same time, you can go about making the best life for yourself as a single person. If it's love you want, frankly, and not being flippant or sarcastic, I'd get a dog if you like them and can look after one. Most dogs are better company than most men anyway.
As for this man, I get the impression neither of you are that into each other, I'd forget him and move on.

You need to wait til men fall for you before sleeping with them.
always worked for me.

Don’t beat yourself up if he was good enough for you he would have replied. A year ago I felt like this. But I had some therapy and figured out what I needed. I had quite a few first/second dates. Then I met someone great and it’s all good. It made me realise why the others weren’t enough. Find some things for you and good things will happen I’m sure.