Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

I think if you're unable to comprehend that all children are different and the 'magic' of Christmas is entirely individual, to children and families, then that's a far bigger issue than whether you've done the whole Santa shtick with your kids not. Magic is about the experiences you have, not the reality behind them. Children love make believe, so them pretending that Santa is real is the ultimate make believe anyway.

My 5yo non-believer is leaping around the living room singing jingle bells right now with her little sister and they are pretending to be Santa and reindeer Pretty sure she's got the Christmas magic still.

In our family we have children who were adopted at (relatively) older ages. They vividly remember the times when they received no presents on Christmas. They have had to endure more than one charming child telling them, "My mummy says Santa doesn't bring you presents if you're naughty." For them, it was a relief to know that Santa wasn't real. These are children who have already had to cope with much more than anyone ever should. For them to believe that Santa ignored them because they weren't good enough is not something we're willing to allow.

I know there are many people who insist on maintaining their children's belief in Santa, often for years beyond the age of natural scepticism. But I wonder how they explain the fact that Santa doesn't actually visit all children around the world, and even in their own country, something that would be apparent as they get older and become aware of poverty and other issues.

This is so sad - and so true.

If you're teaching your children that Santa is real, how do you explain the millions of children who wake up with nothing?

I said you were trying to insult me. I didn't find it insulting, I found it laughable.

You are extremely shortsighted about the demands of education and the impossible balance it is. It is very easy for someone to say the guidance for this type of child is x,y,z therefore you just do it. The fact is the guidance for another type of child with special needs can be different. And the reality that most classrooms will have a range of kids with different needs that may contradict what best suits another. As a professional, I seek to meet each individual child's needs but not at the expense of another, every child is important.

But it's also more or less a completely redundant tangent on this thread. The huge majority of my pupils over the years, including SEND children, believed in Santa until about 8/9. I would be very surprised if any government give educators guidance on how to manage the different beliefs in Santa, putting it very firmly in a grey area. It is entirely up to teachers how they manage it. Thankfully, the majority of teachers respect parent wishes and make the 'morally wrong' choice to play along.

Really you find my question about Sen laughable? Lovely.

Good night. Thankfully the teachers in my family are the opposite approach.

@curtaintwitcher78

I'm 57, in NE Scotland, and Santa has always been Santa here. I don't like the "Father Christmas"

I think calling him that is more of an English thing, no-one I knew called him Father Christmas until I met XH.

My own 😌 grew up with Santa

Do you mean that the teachers in your family tell small children that Father Christmas is a lie, even where the child believes in the story and the family are happy to so along with that?

The concept of Father Christmas originated from Pagan traditions, i.e. Saxon Vikings, so he's probably more likely to have been around in Scotland before he got to England, and before Santa Claus, who came from the Netherlands, but apparently made it to America before coming back to the UK and merging with Father Christmas.

@coffeesaveslives This was one of the (several) reasons my oldest stopped believing. We always chose toys together for our local Christmas appeal and she didn’t understand if Santa was real why he wouldn’t just being extra toys for the kids whose families couldn’t get them any.

And also why I loathe the whole naughty list thing.

I also think a lot of people on this thread are underestimating 5 year olds. A lot of them have a surprising amount of emotional intelligence! My non believing 5 yo wrote a letter to Santa at school this week because his best friend wanted him to do one with her and ‘Santa means a lot to her so I didn’t want to tell her I don’t believe in him’.

I dunno about my children's emotional intelligence. My 6 year old was upset in school the other day because she discovered the movie Inside Out wasn't a documentary and there weren't little characters living in her head.

Santa is the least of our worries.

I think it depends on how you were brought up. I loved Santa. My happiest memory was running into the living room and seeing a bike beside the tree. It was magic. It is peak parenthood seeing my kids excited about Santa. For me, believing in magic is important, even as an adult.

I get that it's Santa in Scotland and it doesn't give me hives when I hear it here. But in England it used to be Father Christmas and I doubt they're being influenced by Scotland, it feels more like an Americanisation. I'll just miss FC when he's gone.

Aw. always say to my kids that Santa sees the good that is in every child, and nobody really ends up on the naughty list.

I have a little wild child who feels like he's not good sometimes!

It really did not go down well when my then 7yo (undiagnosed autistic) child was honest about describing another child.

The other child started with a factual but loaded observation about DS's hair, DS responded with a factual observation about the child's mass. DS got into further trouble because he couldn't appologise because a) the other child started it, and b) he was being truthful.

The follow up from me was explanation about how society values different observations differently and to not comment (so basically swerve the subject- which some would consider lying by omission) on peoples' size despite the "inconsistency" that other observations such as height are fair game.

Universal application of truth can be hurtful and achieve nothing positive.

In the news last night, there was a story about how the BBC need to withhold a report about an employee while the police investigate further. Releasing the BBC's truth at this point has the potential to bias legal processes.

The world is not black and white, it's a turbulent mass of grey.

Handling different opinions about Santa and Christmas celebrations is a fairly low-stakes way of children learning some discretion about how to work out fact/ fiction and truth.

A world of unfiltered truth would not be a utopia.

Diplomacy, creativity, fiction and a bit of "magic" make the world a much more pleasant place.

They don't lie. I assume they close down the discussion, they teach in multi denominational schools so they successfully navigate a hell of lot more challenging situations than Santa 😂😂

And you want to lie that on the shoulders of a five year old . Okay.

I disagree honestly would solve a hell of a lot of what is wrong with society.

I take it you have never spent time with radical truth tellers?

And that is before you get to the problem of "what is truth" which you run into very quickly with radical truth tellers.

PP is right - the world is made of shades of grey.

Lol I also have a 6yo who thought Inside Out was a documentary. When she was about 4 I separated her books into stories and non-fiction fact books. She kept giving out to me that I'd put Bluey and Peppa on the "not real" shelf - they're on TV, so obviously not made up.

Pretty sure she believes Jack Frost is real, something we've never once told her or played along with.

Fully anticipate having to tell her about Santa before secondary school.

Radical truth tellers 😂😭😂😂🤦‍♀️

Now the truth is radicalised.

Seriously have a head wobble. A five year old not lying to another five year old isn't that bloody deep

I think make believe and magical play is very important to children’s development, but the hysteria and prominence some parents put against Santa is ridiculous. As soon as December approaches there are hand wringing posts on social media every other day from parents upset they don’t believe, that another kid told them, that they think they are beginning to suspect, etc etc.

We don’t really do Santa, other than a story. I had the same upbringing. Christmas was and is still magic. My DH on the other hand had hardcore Santa parents and the whole memory for him is really negative.

It seems to me a good age to teach a bit of tolerance for other people’s views. Some adults believe in God, why can’t children believe in Santa?

"Some adults believe in God, why can’t children believe in Santa?"

To be quite blunt comparing religions with Santa is very disrespectful and disengenious to those who hold religious views.

I say that as an atheist.

Well, they can - nobody is saying they can't.

But if you choose to tell your children that something is real when it's not, you shouldn't get all upset because they find out the truth.

I agree with you on that.