Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

Because you can't compare a white lie to an elderly adult with dementia to what we expect in terms of behaviour from a five year old

That isn't mine nor anyone's take on what society needs is lies!

A couple of white lies protected me from harm.

We can agree to disagree though.

It's not that I don't think children can't be expected to try - but there are people on here getting genuinely upset because another little kid at school spilled the beans and apparently "ruined Christmas" forever. That's what I find crazy.

If you're going to go along with the Santa thing - which is entirely your prerogative as a parent - you can't then get upset because another child has been raised differently and has said "Santa isn't real" to them. Especially when that other child is the one telling the truth, lol.

Exactly how off the actual topic do you want to get?

Again because you really seem to be struggling with this.

Children are likely to be very forthcoming in their opinions, its what they do. I really suggest you meet one some time.

And a couple of lies put a lot of children in very much harms way.

So it can go either way.
I mean are you not teaching children that everyone tells the truth?
They dont

Like I said in my next post, if they did say something they wouldn't be punished for it. Some children are better at remembering than others. And some take great pleasure in spoiling things for others.

Some do, sure.

I just find it bizarre that there are grown adults who are apparently "devastated" that other children have chosen to tell their children the truth about a fictional character, lol. Surely as a parent this is something you need to think about and prepare for if you're going to go along with the whole "Santa" thing?

I don't see it as lying to children, I see it as creating magic for them that is very rare in this world. By the time that most children find out they are emotionally mature enough to understand and join in with creating that magic for the younger children. In fact, the only kids I have known to reveal it to 'believing kids' are the ones who never did Santa. Probably because they can't appreciate it.

I don't think there is any harm in creating a sense of magic, it can only happen for such a short time. If someone doesn't want to do it with their kids that's their prerogative. But the idea that they are morally superior for not doing it is nonsense.

No I didn't.

But I taught them I would always be truthful and I expected the same from them.

My family work across a lot of child protection areas from forensic to legal and therapeutic professionals so they are well aware of predators and liars.

They have had the benefit of their input.

Christmas time and Santa are my best memories of Christmas. Each to their own but that magical feeling and excitement was amazing & joyous when I was a kid.

It's not asking them to lie at all. They aren't being asked to pretend santa is real to others. They aren't being told to tell other people santa is real. They're being asked to respect other people's beliefs. If they go around crapping on people's happiness and shooting down their beliefs and opinions they'll end up with no friends. Learning when to open your mouth and when to bite your tongue are important life skills.

You can dress it up as anything you like but lying is lying.

Not lying is morally superior by any scale. The lie is irrelevant.

I always think it's just so nice and fun and magical that the whole of society (pretty much, clearly a few on this thread who this doesn't include 😁) agree to go along with the Santa thing - people you pass in the street, schools/nurseries, councils (our local council do loads of santa related things), shops, TV stations, even bloody NORAD! PURELY so kids get presents. What isn't to like about that?

That's not about the child finding out the truth imo. I think it's because it ruins the parents' fun and choice for their child(ren). That poster is not devasted because her child is devasted. She's devastated because she can no longer pretend to her child that Santa is real.

So you want one five year old to have adult skills because the other doesn't?

Your expectations could be mirrored on the Santa child ? No? Why not?

Children talk, give opinions. You are unfairly placing adult emotional intelligence in a child.

The child telling the truth is simply telling the truth. You know the thing parents spend a lot of time and energy teaching them to do.

Plenty of people use 'honesty' as an excuse to be cruel. They can say unkind and hurtful things but justify it because they are 'telling it like it is.'

Saying all 'truths' are universally morally superior is very narrow minded.

I repeat, the belief that any parent is morally superior to another for not doing Santa with their kids is nonsense.

The best way to sell help books is to convince potential purchasers think that theyre doing something wrong.

And honesty is stupid at times as it can put you in real danger.
So i will forgo morals on occasion.

Huh? How other people raise their children is none of my business. I don't care what skills other children have or don't have. I'm only concerned with raising my children. Children don't just magically turn into good adults when they turn 18. They start learning from the moment they are born. Five-year-olds aren't too young to be told that different people have different beliefs. It doesn't mean they will understand it on an adult level, but they are capable of understanding what hurt feelings are.

If you don't know that not lying is morally superior that then that explains a lot.

You are placing unrealistic and unreasonable expectation on a child. That is a hell of a lot crueller because you are meant to be the adult.

Really? I would suggest that it is very rare situations and not exactly to do with a child belief in a fairy tale comparable.

So again you want a 5 year old to act like an adult, okay.

Interesting one this.

I am a bit of a Scrooge and don’t care for the pomp and fuss around Christmas. I enjoy eating and being together as a family for a good two weeks, but the gifts and activities are really not for me.

I am all for telling children that Santa is just a fun story, they aren’t a real person and the people responsible for buying the gifts are family and friends. However, my husband, who grew up in a single parent household, and for who money was super tight, his mother told him the truth and there were no Santa visits, no trips to markets or the theatre, none of the usual traditional stuff, and a a result, he is really keen to make these ‘magical’ experiences.

It’s up to families what they want to do. I don’t for a second think that the lie damages or prevents children from understanding right from wrong.

There was an interesting twitter thread that my colleague showed me and it was written by a lady, who was now a grandparent, describing how she made the choice, as young single mother, to not go along with the Father Christmas story, she said she was quite militant and her circumstances, she felt, dictated that. She is now a grandma and her daughter is going along with Santa and the thread was describing her regret at not doing it for her daughter. She says she wished she had provided these magical experiences and felt like she had almost been a bit spiteful in keeping her kids from believing.

I don’t know, I’m 9 year old knows it’s not real, I think my 5 year old knows to some extent aswell. He never asks for much and we aren’t going to write letters or visit him this year and he doesn’t seem at all bothered by that. We will be leaving carrot and cookies out, and to them, even the 9 year old, that’s the best tradition.