Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

It really is as simple as this.

(Thank you 😊)

@CynicalSunni Equating children with speaking the truth isn't people displeasing. It's what we want as society, authentic individuals with strong sense of morals. That means not lying.

The issue is the entitlement attitude of adults lying wanting other adults and child to participate. Using the guise of it's tradition is veiled discrimination of those who hold different beliefs and isn't very nice is it.

Lying by omission is lying. So you want the child told to keep any secret by an adult to not disclose?

You can't put adult insight into nuanced secrets. A little bit of joined up thinking by the grown ups would be nice.

The irony of placing this on the shoulders of five year olds is baffling.

But kids have been doing this forever! I'm in my 60's and can remember "Santa isn't real" being hotly debated on the playground when we were as young as 5!

The "believers" would go home and ask their Mum who would usually counter with "Well, what do you believe?" Isn't that the point after all? You can't demand empirical evidence of Santa.

The difference is that there are a subset of parents who seem hugely invested in their children believing in Santa. They go to great extremes to keep the fantasy going long after the child has expressed doubts. They can't let it go because then "Christmas won't be magical anymore". They really, really want to think that their 13 year old still believes because they're such "pure and innocent souls".

In other words...some parents make it all about themselves. It's what they want. So their kids humour them.

So you always tell the absolute truth if it is asked for or not? You tell the teenager who is self conscious that she looks a mess? You tell the child who is going into hospital for tests that the doctor thinks it's cancer and he might die?

What I think society needs is people who can think outside the box and understand that they aren't the arbiter of all that is great.

Yes the absolute unasked for truth is such a great thing isn't it.

It's not lying though. They're not being asked if santa is real or being asked for an opinion on the matter. It's on the same level as not telling someone you know what present they are getting for their birthday. You may know but there is no reason to tell them. If they do/did say something, they wouldn't be punished for it or anything.

Really, are you that ridiculous.

We are talking about five year old children if you have ever met one then yes they may very well say unintentionally hurtful things, because they are children.

We teach this for safeguarding. In case you haven't heard, it works!

You are welcome.

I genuinely don't understand why it's miserable.

For many people, Christmas is nothing to do with Santa - it's about family time, Christmas lights, traditions, good food, presents, games and fun, festive activities. You honestly don't need to tell your children that Santa exists to have the magic.

I suspect that's what the vast, vast majority of people do if they don't teach their kids to believe - but kids blurt things out or say things they shouldn't all the time, so parents can't realistically expect a 5yo to understand to keep quiet and not spoil it, imo.

Confrontayshunme · Today 10:00
"My sister has done this, and my niece ruined it for my daughter. She is 7, and I am still mad about it. At least tell your kids not to ruin it for others. I take comfort in the fact that her superior empathetic parenting will mean her daughter has no friends at school."

What a horrible and over the top post.

Maybe you should read your post. You said, "That means not lying." So do we need to lie sometimes or is it the absolute you were making it out to be. I'll give you another example, when I visit an elderly relative with advanced dementia and she tells me her mummy and daddy will be coming to collect her soon do I say that's nice or do I tell her they died years ago and she won't be seeing them again.

The truth isn't always the morally superior option.

Seriously, lying by omission is lying anything else is in politician land!

We are talking about from the age of 5 and asking them to lie is wrong. And anyone teaching them to should consider how bloody vulnerable they are leaving that child.

You might white lie because you are an adult.

A 5 yo would undoubtedly tell them the truth and quite possibly laugh.

So when I don't tell my elderly relative that her mummy and daddy aren't coming to get her I'm a liar? No I am a compassionate person who sees no point in telling her she is wrong.

But you said as a society we shouldn't lie, where did the white lie come into it? Is that from politician land?

I am sorry but your examples are nowhere near the same.

To be clear again I don't lie. My children are taught not to lie.

I may use discretion as an adult.
A child is unlikely to be given they are a child.

If you don't understand that the truth is morally superior then you really aren't going to understand it.

You are missing the point. You are not five. Five year olds do not understand that it's OK to lie in some certain circumstances and how to work out what those circumstances are. They hear that lying is bad and they should tell the truth, or lying is fine and they can do it whenever they want to or worse, whenever an adult tells them to.

There can be an inbetween.
Something like santa that children naturally grow out of is not going to stop children from being moral upstanding citizens.

There has to be emotional intelligence too. Children learn there are times for honesty and little white lies. 100 percent honesty never works. And a lot of time honesty is just opinion.

They dont have to say anything do they? Nobody has to participate. But at the same time if a child mentions santa you say oh thats nice whatever. Not youre parents are liars santa is not real.

Oh quit it.

The issue is Santa not a person with dementia. In your example I don't lie I distract as I have done for decades with my great aunt.

And as advised by her medical team!

What a bizarre take.

So there is the truth, lies, white lies and discretion and you never lie but you do use discretion.

What was that about politician land.

You really think it is morally superior to tell the old lady her parents are dead and buried when she thinks they are coming to see her soon? You think telling the girl who has no confidence that she looks a mess is morally superior? Your idea of being morally superior is obviously different to mine but maybe you use your discretion which makes your lies morally superior.

So again the onus is being placed on the child telling the truth

No. And no I don't believe teaching young child lies of any colour is acceptable, because they are children.

And by teaching that breach of trust you are making that child vulnerable to adult predators. If you don't see that correlation then I suggest you start considering it.

Why is it bizarre, the other poster said as a society we need people not to lie, some lies are actually the way civilised people behave.

They are old enough to understand their parents telling them that if they shout it out it may upset some of their friends who do believe, and that would be unkind and unnecessary. They might not always get it right, but you are doing them a disservice if you don't expect them to try.

People have been clear they aren't asking your child to lie, just keep their opinions to themself.