Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

I think it’s up to each family to work out.

More proof that gentle parenting is utter crap.

Yanbu op. I think when society starting giving everything about parenting a name or a theme it all became a load of nonsense.

Most children don't feel 'lied' to, they normally feel pretty proud of themselves for being old enough and clever enough to work it all out. That said, I do think some parents go a little too far in their attempts to elongate the process.

I have an aunt like this (who is thankfully childless) who I’m no contact with for other reasons. Before I cut her out of my life we were discussing Santa when I was pregnant and she asked if I was going to lie to my child about Santa?? I said I’ve been through some pretty traumatic stuff but Santa isn’t one of them; if anything I felt very appreciative to my parents for some of the gifts we got over the years.

she’s only a few years older than me (probably on the verge of getting to old to have a child now and her husband has left her anyway) but she was adamant that buying into the Santa idea was poisonous

Agreed.
We never ever pretended Santa was real and talked about it as a story. We did tell him that other people did believe, and that he wasn't to go around spoiling that. AFAIK he didn't. Each to their own, but it did make life simpler and felt better to me not to lie. I don't judge anyone who does things differently though.

It was nothing to do with 'gentle parenting' for us - I've explained what we did on another post. No judgement of others who did what worked for them.

I’m more inclined to agree with her to be honest. I don’t really buy into Father Christmas being part of the magic of childhood. It’s not about children’s imagination; it’s children believing what they were told by their parents and society is true, and they can have just as much fun playing along and enjoying parts of Christmas that are real. I don’t remember caring much about Father Christmas as a child, and my Christmases didn’t change for me or my family when I didn’t believe any more. I figured out early on that Father Christmas wasn’t real, likely in part due to spending Christmas morning with friends whose children did Father Christmas differently to us and my childhood Christmases were plenty magical and fun because of time spent with loved ones. I wouldn’t have swapped those memories for more years of believing in someone who doesn’t exist anyway.

I’m pregnant with my first and not entirely sure what to do about the whole Santa thing when the time comes around. I won’t lie to my child if asked though, or put any effort into encouraging the belief of an increasingly sceptical child. I think trying to extend belief in Father Christmas beyond when a child is questioning is more about extending the idea of the magic for the parents, not the child. Father Christmas as a critical thinking exercise for children is one thing and figuring it out is part of it, but there’s threads every year about how a parent feels Christmas is ruined because their child figured it out, or was told someone else.

I remember not being that bothered about santa not being real. Think I was around 8 and a friend told me.
I asked my mum who probably wasnt expecting that question in the middle of summer and botched the 'of course he is' so i could tell from her expression 🤣.

I always found the courtroom scene in miracle of 34th rather over the top. The one where the kids was 'of course i dont believe its stupid!' And the mum being very upset at sants when a child thing. Haha

A lot of people who phrase it as ' lying' tp your child are trying to be contrarian and patronising really.

I never once felt like I’d been lied to and no one I know feels like that. DD1 is 11 in January and still believes. I’m enjoying this last year of it but will be telling her before she goes to secondary next year. She will love being part of the magic for DD2 (will be 5 by then) and DS (will be 1yr 9mo) though because she’s an amazing big sister.

We never did the santa thing with our children. I am one of the rare people who did feel somewhat humiliated when I realised my excitement as a child was based on a lie, but I understand that I'm likely in the minority and that it is probably linked to be autistic and having a strong but b&w/narrow sense of right a wrong. For those same reasons I decided I wouldn't lie to mine. They didn't miss out on anything. They weren't any less excited about getting gifts. They still woke us up at 6am wanting to open presents. 😩

Does Sarah Ockwell Smith express a similar view on the bible, in her books?

Yeah it didn't sit right with me to lie to them for a decade but we still have a lovely time they get gifts off us and I don't judge what anyone else does

Hopefully we're all teaching that the bible is just stories. 👀

I'm more upset that hardly anyone calls him Father Christmas any more. Happy bloomin' Christmas!

No idea about Sarah Ockwell Smith’s views, but I think the difference between organised religion and Santa is that parents who teach their children their religious beliefs genuinely think they’re teaching their children the truth about how the world works. I assume no parent believes a fat man in a red suit travels to their house by reindeer to give their children presents.

Is she the never-let-your-baby-cry "guru"?

I don't really think Santa is as big a deal as a lot of parents seem to. In this house he just fills a stocking full of tiny bits. There's no big fuss over it, no trips to "see Santa", no elaborate pretence with letters and footprints etc. He didn't bring all the presents or even any of the big presents, just things that fit in a literal sticking.

Once the kids got old enough to wonder if he was real, or how he did it, I just said they didn't have to put a stocking out anymore if they didn't want to. They all chose to anyway, just to be on the safe side and still do as young adults!

L8f3 is hard enough flip sake let kids be kids santa is part n parcel of childhood parents drag their kids to church to talk to an imaginary friend up in the sky so why not let them believe in santa also

Interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts. I remember by 5 I didn’t “believe” in Santa but I definitely believed in fairies at the bottom of my garden 🤷‍♀️

I’m not sure how I’ll respond when my child asks if Santa is real, but I find it over the top for a parenting expert to suggest we should go out of our way to tell children he’s not real. It just feels like a way to boost engagement on Instagram and after realising there has been research on this topic that indicates the myth is not damaging at all for the overwhelming majority of kids, it makes me sad that someone with influence is giving poor advice.

He does exist, I saw him in a shop the other day.

People have lied to their children about folklore since time immemorial. I think they'll survive.

Santa doesn't have to be part of life.
It also doesn't mean they don't still enjoy christmas.

No, that was one of his many helpers who dress up as him and do shop appearance. They ease his burden. They're specially picked by him though. If one gets drunk or swears they're taken off duty and given other tasks.

Why do you think it’s poor advice to tell children that someone who doesn’t exist doesn’t exist? I don’t think it’s damaging to most children, though some are upset about being lied to or on finding the truth, but it’s not a bad thing to not go along with it either and tell your children from the start that it’s all pretend.

I know everyone loves Sarah Ockwell Smith but she's never made much sense to me tbh.

Santa is brilliant. Magic is brilliant.

Totally agree every family should do what feels right to them. When the kids were young DH and I did the Santa visit, writing the letter, leaving out carrots and pies, etc and I figured we'd do that for years and years, but actually the kids were quite young when they started asking all the questions and it did feel really wrong to tie myself up in knots lying to them. So I never really confirmed or denied and they just stopped believing.

I have zero problems if parents want to lie to their kids about Santa but I do find it a bit uncomfortable when parents at this time of year talk about 'if you don't believe then you won't get any presents', 'if you're not good Santa won't come' and all that sort of thing. It just doesn't sit right with me. I remember a Mum at the school gates saying she didn't want her kids to find out about Santa because otherwise there was no way to get them to behave in December... that's not really about childhood magic, is it?!