Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

I remember going through a phase where, instead of Santa delivering presents, it was people who worked in shops (Woolworths specifically) who would come into people's houses and leave bags of presents. I believed this as I always saw Woolworths bags on Christmas day. Don't remember the specific day/age I stopped believing.
Each to their own I guess, but it seems to me like she's shaming everyone who "lets" their child believe in Santa...how can we avoid it exactly? He's everywhere! We can't deny the fact that he's "real"...maybe not an actual physical human being, but he's there in stories, myths, dreams, cuddly toys, Christmas decorations etc. He's a symbol for Christmas, in the same way as the Nativity and the birth of Jesus Christ is the symbol for Christians - are you going to tell them that Jesus wasn't real...or God for that matter? I think I'm getting carried away now though.

Everyone has their own traditions, whether this includes Santa/Saint Nicholas/Father Christmas or not. I don't think it warrants discussion in parenting guidelines though...

Yes I agree. It's not like finding out your adopted is it? Most children by the age of about 5 have realised that parents sometimes tell white lies. I would be amazed if discovering Santa isn't real came as a shock revelation. Most children start to wonder and ponder from a young age. I'm pretty sure my 6 yo knows that a man doesn't come down the chimney, but he's happy to engage in the fun and hasn't said anything about it. Most children know full well he's not real way before it's openly discussed with parents.

I don't know - I'd argue the average child is more excited by Santa than a toy tea party?

Of course they are, but that doesn't mean they need to believe in Santa to feel that magic and excitement on Christmas Eve.

Personally I don't care either way what other parents choose to do about Santa but I do think they ought to have the awareness that other children will know the truth and so they can't expect those children to lie to protect theirs.

@TunipTheVegimal24 I don't think the point is about one being as magic as the other but about how something being real or not isn't really actually important in how a child interacts with a concept.

Christmas is inherently magic as a child because there's presents, lots of sparkly lights and decorations, family time, games, all that stuff. Additional 'magic' comes from the imaginative play of putting out stockings, sprinkling reindeer food, doing rituals like that but the actual belief that it's real may not really change how much enjoyment they gain from it. That's an adult perspective as we tend to lose that kind of imaginative 'power' as we grow older and we need it to be rooted in reality.

DD1 doesn't believe as I said earlier but my god is she excited about hanging her stocking up and it being filled (albeit by me as she pointed out ).

Tell them, don't tell them 🤷🏾‍♀️. Children will survive. Of all the children I know through family and friends (many many), only one reacted badly to the Santa fib. He recovered as soon as he received his presents.

I’m in a few gentle parenting groups and honestly the hand wringing about Santa is insane. It’s a bit of magic, we don’t say Santa solely brings all the presents, and ensure it’s fun without focusing on Santa solely. I just don’t get the navel gazing, I don’t know any adults affected by discovering Santa isn’t real!

@doodleschnoodle totally agree with you. The magic is in the rituals, the lights, the films, the change in routine, being off school and doing lots of fun activities that you only ever do in the run up to Christmas.

You don't need to add the whole "Santa" belief if you don't want to - it really doesn't take away from any of the magic or the joy.

Kids are just as excited to get presents from mum and dad as they are from Santa - or are we saying that birthdays aren't magical as a child because there's no random man coming down the chimney and eating your food beforehand?

I really like Sarah Ockwell Smith. Her baby sleep books and toddler books were a godsend but I admit I found it hard to relate to this post when I read it on Instagram.
I think by the time older kids work it out it makes more sense that he isn’t real and aren’t too disappointed. The idea of creating magic is much more acceptable and believable by then.
I do however think my 5 year old would be absolutely crushed if someone told her. Overall, I think it’s harmless.

Some of the things my mum had us believe when we were little and all the fun that came with them are some of our fondest memories of being a child. By today's standards, I should be rocking in the corner from the trauma. I think the awareness you develop later on as an adult that your parents were trying to make you happy (and allowing someone else to take the credit!) is something many of us come to appreciate and want to offer the same experience to the children around you. Santa isn't creating childhood trauma, if anything the current societal pressure for children to become little men/women is having a far bigger impact.

It's a point of view but not one i subscribe to. I loved the magic of santa and so did my kids but now we are older we can laugh at the fibs such as ds1 insisting he had seen and spoken to santa one year, he finds it hilarious that he was impressed he'd convinced us it was true and now realises we knew all along he was telling whoppers. DS 2 recalls the time we walked with a group of friends to the top of the hill to see santas sleigh, which was actually Haleys comet! His happy memories are about sharing the excitement with friends, having hot chocolate together and aren't diminished in finding out the truth in any way. Dd thought for years that reindeer had glitter feet because of the glitter footprints we used to leave in the dining room using washable glitter glue and a stencil! They love the effort we made to make it magical and hope to replicate with their own kids one day.

Others have a different view and that's ok but I can't see it becoming mainstream tbh.

And I don't think it generally does do long-term damage to kids finding out Santa isn't real, it didn't to me (that I'm aware of) but children are individuals, and some may find being lied to, however well meaning, by a parent very confusing. Parent the child you have, not the child you believe you should have, I guess. I know DD1 likes to be told the truth, she doesn't like not knowing things or having doubts about things, and her enjoyment of Christmas has never been particularly rooted in Santa anyway, so that helped inform my decision about how to approach Santa. With a very different personality, I might have chosen differently.

DD2 has never liked Santa, she finds him scary, so instead of hammering home how magical he is, I'm just going to remove him from the equation for her unless she indicates otherwise.

I don’t know any adults affected by discovering Santa isn’t real!

But equally I don't know any adults who are scarred because their parents never went along with Santa in the first place.

I agree, I hate the whole naughty list concept etc. We definitely don’t entertain that in our house.

It did upset me when I found out Father Christmas wasn't real, I remember clearly. So we don't do that in our house, kids enjoy Christmas regardless as it's a time for family, food and celebration of the past year.

I know you can do all the fun stuff, and I’ve loved Christmas before and after finding out Santa wasn’t real. It’s just a magical time of the year for me. I have siblings and I did all the fun stuff around Santa for them after I stopped believing but for me, personally, it definitely was never the same. Look maybe for some people it is as magical, but respectfully, I disagree.

And we’re the kind of family who owns a massive bunny costume so every year someone can dress up and hide all the eggs 😅

I think what I don't like about these threads is the idea that children are "missing out" if Christmas isn't done a certain way.

My parents often worked Christmas (NHS), I was an only child and all our family were overseas so often the Christmases I read about on here are absolutely nothing like any of my childhood experiences.

But that doesn't mean my those Christmases were somehow bad or less magical or boring which is what a lot of the comments seem to imply.

Making fun of those who have breakdowns isn't funny.

You do realise someone with severe MH issues doesn't align to your views on this issue?

Do you make fun of those with anxiety of driving at night? So it's only MH issues by your logic

My working assumption would be that her book sales have dipped a bit and she wants to give them a boost before Christmas.

@ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit but maybe it was only less magical because you once believed (and then stopped) - if a child has never believed then they won't have that experience as Christmas never changes for them.

Never a truer word said. Kids brought up with advice from this idiot. Scarey!

Oh 100%. I absolutely wasn’t implying that that was the case! My parents never really went in for much Christmas magic, I knew from a young age Santa wasn’t real - still liked presents, the food, the lights & decorations etc. Christmas magic isn’t dependent on believing a fat man in a red suit comes down the chimney!

That's so well put! I never thought of it that way! I have to admit that I had been feeling bad for lying to my kid about Santa and feared how she'll feel when she finds out. But the way you put it makes me re-think. Maybe it's a bit like a magic trick that you are blown away by, then as you say, if/when you figure it all out, you feel proud.
I had also been thinking that I hope the day my children find out about Santa, they will still see the magic behind all the effort, love and care that is put in making Christmas magical.

OP, I was exactly the same as you before I had kids. Now that I have them, we do make Santa part of our Christmas. But Christmas is not all about Santa and it’s not our only tradition so there is a balance. I would not use the concept of Santa or the Elf to manipulate their behaviour. The kids definitely want to believe and enjoy the idea of magic. I play along with them. I do think it’s weird when parents engage in all kinds of deception to keep children believing when they are growing out of it. It’s also healthy to let children grow up and develop critical thinking skills. By oh my goodness my 9 year old’s letter to Santa this year was the sweetest thing ever and I know she will look back and cherish this time.

I just say lots of people believe in Santa, what do you think? I don’t see that it’s really necessary to actually confirm it one way or the other.

It's a stupid patriarchal story. I hated being lied to, but then I'm autistic. My daughter, also autistic, was suspicious by age 6, and I couldn't keep being vague, so when she asked me outright I told her the truth.