Keep the magic or he should grow up now

[Glitterfish]

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

oh god please tell him

all children should be told gently before high school! he will be bullied forever for this!

Kids, even teens, love tradition and find Christmas traditions ‘magical’ and fun long beyond them believing it is real.

Just keep up the tradition.

We got presents from the dog on Boxing day after tea! How that dog got to the shops, wrapped the gifts and put them on the tree remains a mystery to this day! My mum was brilliant at spinning out the treats over the Christmas period and the dog; 's gifts were the last little bit of magic to conclude the festivities.

Calling people’s dc thick is totally uncalled for! I do not think for a second they “believe” but they like to keep the magic. The 16 year olds I know are all writing lists to Santa. It’s fun. Some adults really do like to suck out all fun. Who hurt you?

Sorry I just dont believe all these over 10s without special needs genuinely still believe! They are having you on surely. I was pretty gullible and love the whole magic thing and grew up in a protected rural setting and even I clocked on by about 8!

Yes but you’re not a kid in secondary school so it’s tongue in cheek

I think just tactfully talk to him and see what he actually thinks.

I don't really remember a big "realisation" about Santa etc. It was like one year I fully believed and the next I knew it was my parents but we still did all the usual things, like it was just tradition?

Maybe he Knows but is upset at thinking that means the fun stuff around it aren't an option anymore? If that makes sense?

Either he's pretending or he has some sort of cognitive delay. There is no way that a neurotypical 11 yo brain is not able to see the obvious holes in the Santa story. The chances are he's playing along because he thinks you need it.

Dts knew from y6 possibly y5, y9 know. We never made it into a big deal and we still have the bloody elves, its makes Christmas feel like Christmas to them. I would guarantee he knows.

I have 2 children.

1 in y7 and 1 in y8.

While neither have said anything I was pretty sure neither believed. Its clear my eldest doesnt, but "is going along with it all" (doesnt help she woke up when we did her stocking last year)

My year 7 11 year old has now made me realise that she still genuinely believes....

and I am certainly NOT ruining the magic of what will probably be the last Xmas with a believer.....

(They go to a lovely independant school and I have no worries about bullying or ridicule either)

We have never had an elf either as I simply refused to start it 13 years ago....

I think he needs to know. We reminded ours that Father Christmas WAS a real person, and he did such a lovely, kind thing, that people wanted to keep that alive so carried on doing it. Then, when you’re old enough, YOU join in with ‘being’ Father Christmas, keeping it alive for others. They were all ok with this. We told them after the Christmas they were in Year 6.
We have an elf and we all take turns to surprise the rest of the family. They’re 14, 16 and 18 and still have stockings. Christmas is still magical.
Oh, and the dog still believes so we have to keep up the pretence for her!

That does seem a little old... surely he's seeing things on TV/online that kill the dream by now?

Are there any younger siblings/cousins/friends of the family? You could "let him in on the secret" and get him to help keeping it special for them now that he's so grown up, etc

My married children 38 is the oldest specifically asked for stockings this year!

You really have to tell him, he will be ridiculed. I had to tell my eldest the summer before secondary and he genuinely didn’t know. I couldn’t risk him getting bullied for secondary life

Put Elfie up! - it doesn’t mean he still believes but he can still enjoy all the traditions you have had until now.

Growing up and maturing shouldn’t be something to be afraid of; it should be welcomed. Believing in a mythical character is for young children. Of course, continue to do elf on the shelf, but for the humour (if people actually find it funny!?) but no need to pretend he’s actually an elf.

”Oh son, I completely forgot, would you like to help me find a funny position for him tonight so we can make dad laugh or shall I do it?”

My ds is in year 7 and this is the first year he has openly admitted he doesn’t believe. He told us he hasn’t believed for years but played along. We were going to tell him anyway before secondary school but it came up in conversation and we didn’t need to as he told us he knew it wasn’t real. This year he has been setting up the elf for his younger brother and sister every night and loving it. I absolutely would not let my child go into secondary school potentially believing in Santa. Kids are cruel.

Let him into the "grown-up secret". Also say good secrets are like surprises, eventually they will come out and it's for good reasons. Some secrets are bad secrets because the person asking to keep it a secret means forever and it's usually when this are not exciting for everyone.

He's old enough to know the good secret and he can join in (particularly if he has younger siblings).

Easiest, kindest way to let him down.

This. He probably knows, but wants to keep the tradition.

Ha ha mine still wrote a letter to Santa in GCSE year it’s fun to suspend disbelief and probably something he enjoys as a family tradition and unlikely he’s talking to his friends about Elfie 😂

My dd knows the truth. Doesn’t mean she still doesn’t enjoy “believing” in the magic. We went and saw Santa the other day. She’s 11. Most kids wouldn’t want to, but she did. She knows the truth, but she can still enjoy it. There’s knowing the truth and still having fun and then there’s knowing the truth because you truly believe. The second one needs to be changed slightly

My children know the truth but they still get a stocking from Santa. It's just a nice tradition. Does he really believe or is he just not wanting it to not be real? I was the same around 10. I knew logically it was not true but I didn't want to say it out loud if that makes sense.

I would have the Santa chat but he could still have an elf just he would be more aware. My eldest has asd and wasn’t attending secondary school so I carried on for a bit longer but my child was quite young in many ways.

Many of us are not religious, so the religious stuff is an irrelevance. Santa is a big part of Christmas.

Ask him how he thinks Santa defines boys and girls...see if he cancels Santa then.