Keep the magic or he should grow up now

[Glitterfish]

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

Really ott responses on this thread. I honestly can’t ever remember discussing Santa at secondary school or anyone being asked if they believed / being made fun of.
my 9 year old dd is a full believer in Santa and the elf and I hope it continues for a couple more years. Life is so short let them have some magic and innocence.

I was 13 or 14, pretty old by MN standards
Didn't do me any harm

I think you should definitely tell him. Not to avoid bullying but simply because at his age it is time (I would say long past time) for him to know the truth. You could do it in an offhand sort of way, it doesn't need to be a dramatic revelation.

I really don't understand the tendency of some parents to insist on the belief in Santa for secondary school age children. Most 6-year-olds can work out for themselves that a magical being can't really fly around the world in a single night, distributing presents to one and all.

It was me who said , For God's sake.

I love the fact that YOUNG children believe in Santa.

I’m 37 but my mum still does us stockings 😂😂😂 but I do know it’s my mum. I think he’s a bit old for FC and Elfie now Op. I would think he knows surely. Do still keep the traditions and magic alive though.. if your son still believes in FC it tells you one thing for sure- you are fucking epic at Christmas. Xo

Yes- this.

Very sad thread.

Please tell him, the only question should be before or after December 25th. Schools whatever they try cannot stop all bullying, and then there are the parents who refuse to accept their child does any wrong.

Well I can't really recall how the conversation lead to Santa but I do remember a lad in my class in year 7 crying because he thought Santa was real, and, everyone taking the piss of course. He was a lovely lad but clearly sheltered and became a bit of a soft target for the twatty lads and lasses to pick on.

Aww that's awful, can't stand bullying little ratbags.

I still get a stocking from my mum - I'm 51!!

Unless he has additional needs, he must surely have worked it out for himself? Once a child understands a bit about the world/space/time, it normally clicks into place. Having said that, I would never openly tell a child it wasn’t real! There is no need and it will only embarrass him. A bit of fun with the elf is harmless!!

If you need to say something to protect him, just explain that some children can be unkind as they get older and it’s just best not to get into a discussion about it at all.

God that's harsh. If he still does believe "overhearing" that will be very upsetting for him . Not only will it destroy his belief it will potentially also make him feel really bad to hear you imply he's immature and daft to believe.

My DS is 24! Still expects an advent calendar and stocking, though he has never believed (we never made the pretence)

Yep far too old now!

Saint Nicholas is a Christian Saint, though. And Catholics believe the saints pray for us so in that sense I guess Santa is still working his magic!

I think the trick is to drop hints slowly as they grow up.

Eg. Santa only doing stockings and not bringing anything else, I also dropped in right from the start that I did DH's stocking because he was a grown up. That sort of thing.

I didn't need to tell my youngest, ever. And I think my eldest probably believed in yr 7 (lockdown...). But it slowly dawned.
These days however, no (feigning) belief = no stocking!

So now I can get grumpy if my overexcited teens won't at least pretend to be asleep at Stocking O'Clock!

I was a 1960s kid too and my dad told me the truth about santa when I was 9, i hadn't a clue and I was devastated.

Maybe if you are catholic or Christian or whatever, but those of us who dispise the catholic church are very clear that we are having nothing to do with any saint business.

Hmmmm could you somehow get him involved in the magic, take it in turns doing elfie? If there are younger siblings or cousins or something?

My ds is the most popular boy and at 13 he was saying “oh come on mum I know he’s not real” just tell me . I would smile and say he is real .

We kept this going .
Your son may know and wouldn’t say to or in front of his friends . He wants to keep it alive at home .

I don’t feel there is a need for a deceleration .

My youngest DS was year 8 when they had a conversation in RE about beliefs. He said half the class believed in Father Christmas and half didn’t.
The ones who didn’t believe didn’t bully the ones who did.
DS had mostly muslim boys in his friendship group so I think their conversations made him realise by himself.
I can’t tell you when eldest DS realised. We never discussed it as a family so even now they’re 17 & 19 I still talk as though Santa is real.

My gentle plan would have been to say when you get to a certain age Santa stops coming because you are too old and don’t play with toys and his job is to make and deliver toys.

In y6 DD didn't believe anymore. We still did all of the stuff but a bit meh about it. Xmas eve she couldn't go to sleep because we didn't put up cookies and milk for Santa like we always do.

Y7 definitely not fussed about the elf, so in y8 I/we decided we're not doing it anymore. December 1st she was upset about it and regretted it. When Elfie showed up a day later with a letter explaining the delay her whole face lit up with joy.

What I'm trying to say is that the belief itself is neither here of there, it's the magic and tradition, which are just as important to kids as they are to us.

Ask him why Santa gives rich children more than he gives poor children.

Well, I wouldn't ask him that, but this was the way that I figured it out as a child. And it's one of the main reasons that we gradually made sure our children knew it was make-believe by the time they were six or seven. We still had wonderful Christmases.

He probably doesn’t know how to handle it with you and also if he’s feeling worried about anything at school he may be looking for the security of his childhood. Our DC are all young adults and still put their sacks out for Santa. They love the tradition but I know when they were younger teens things like this offered them comfort…

Things seem to have regressed.

So true. I'm really always stunned at these threads where people in secondary school believe in Santa Claus. How does that work with teaching the scientific method?

And regression is not just in this. Adolescence seems to have been extended to at least 25, if not 30.