I just found my Christmas present and he’s messed up

[ChristmasCinchNotGrinch]

Ok, so I’m grateful I’m getting a present but I’ll have to say that my DH is pretty crap at gifts. I think he’s just lazy. He told me there’s no shops near his office and he wouldn’t know what to get me. Well a few years back I went to his office in London to meet him and I literally walked past some of the best shops in the country.

Anyway, he’s bought me some sports gear off the internet. That’s great as I do a lot of fitness. However I’ve just found the bag. I went into a cupboard and it was on a shelf and I looked.

He’s bought me a jacket and a pair of running leggings in XL and I’m a M. I thought maybe this is an American size or other so I tried them on. They’re 3 sizes too big.

The receipt says there are 30 days to return and that takes it to 30 Dec.

I’m a bit disappointed that yet again I’ve got a useless present, but more practically I don’t want to be outside the return period.

Should I tell him I found them and they’re too big (YANBU) or suck it up, (YABU) smile and send it back as soon as the post office opens after Christmas…….and swap it for something I really want from that shop ;)

WTF? Did you think that was big/clever/hilarious? It wasn't.

It does bother me a bit, but in contrast I’ll have to listen to my SIL bang on about her new diamond earrings, or fancy coat and other gifts her thoughtful DH has bought for her and I’ll feel a bit hurt. But then I’d never swap my DH for hers because he’s a tosser and has got so many red flags he could have a parade.

I don’t think this comment is very nice, and having lived with a red flagged tosser who thought the diamond earrings made it OK, I would be really hurt to hear a SIL say that. If you think about the types of behaviours that “earn” this payback- no one wants them.

Anyway, would you have time to exchange them before Christmas yourself? It might be the easiest solution, especially if you can do it quietly.

You will have to tell him. It’s going to eat at you, and he needs to send them back asap.

OP, I’d tell him and sed take them back now, or they’re going to be wasted. I’d be a bit piss3d off at the ‘XL’, too!

What I’ve done more than once, for a dh who’d otherwise rack his brains, is print out a page showing what I’d like, with size and colour clearly circled, and leave it on his desk. It’s worked very well.

YANBU. Buy him novelty boxers, 4 sizes too big. Prick.

Soz if I did offend anyone. FWIW I’m a big, fat heffer myself 😀

Either go shopping together or as our family do send an online Santa letter complete with links to goodies that they would love for Xmas.

It works very well in the main.

Get him a minging old shirt from a charity shop and wrap it up in newspaper or tin foil. Yes I'm serious!

@ChristmasCinchNotGrinch

Buy him a shirt or trousers 2 sizes too small and insist you both try on your gifts together. Then laugh like a drain when you say "Oh dear, looks like neither one of us can pick the right size!" and hope he gets the hint.

I usually send DH a 'list with links' to choose from. I know it means I'm not completely surprised but at l know I'll get something I like in the right size and colour. DH on his own has odd ideas of what I'd like or what is 'appropriate' to buy the woman you love.

Hint to any man reading this: if it plugs in it's generally not something she wants for Xmas or birthday, unless she's specifically asked for it. Just because she's said "I need a new vacuum/mixer/washer" that doesn't mean she wants it as a gift.

Why don’t you secretly exchange them before Christmas and put them back where you found them?

Your last sentence is key here. I’d maybe say something, but it’s all the days in-between the gestures that count. Wendy Cope nails it.

”FLOWERS” BY WENDY COPE
Some men never think of it.
You did. You’d come along
And say you’d nearly brought me flowers
But something had gone wrong.The shop was closed. Or you had doubts –
The sort that minds like ours
Dream up incessantly. You thought
I might not want your flowers.It made me smile and hug you then.
Now I can only smile.
But, look, the flowers you nearly brought
Have lasted all this while.

I don't think I would say anything, as you shouldn't have looked, and it may not be for you, or as someone else said, he may realise the error and he's just waiting for a free moment to sort a return, you say for returns he has until the end of December so if he is replacing it there is no rush his end.

I tend to buy myself things I would like because although my DH is well intentioned, I am probably not the easiest person to buy for and the things I would like are quite personal taste. I also know my husband is very busy with work at this time of year so chances are present buying will be very last minute. I have tried the giving hints but things tend to sell out before he gets around to looking at them.

Would it be better to not buy each other gifts and use the money to buy something you would really like instead, going forward?

You can't own up to trying them on! I'd wait and see if you're gifted them at Christmas just in case they are for someone else

He hasn’t hidden them by the sounds of it if the bag is where you keep decorations. So I’d just say- ‘Dh these sports clothes are in the decorations cupboard. Who are they for?’ If he says you, reply and say that you’re a size medium. If he says someone else and you think he’s lying so you still have a surprise maybe say something like ‘oh nice, I wonder if they do them in size M, I quite fancy something like that for myself’

I suppose humour differs, I thought the remark was pretty funny. 😃

Re the OP...I think you have a right to be annoyed, because...
A. Even a stupid man knows XL is extra large, and you are size Medium...so that's an insult.
B...The shops you named, which are convenient for him to visit, would be jam packed with lovely gifts for a wife.

oh maybe he has like a trauma around giving presents - I know I know people will scoff but I knew a really nice man who had a horrid childhood, and just couldn't deal with buying presents. Would explain the SIL's reaction too, she's gone the other way.

Maybe buy yourself a nice gift and give it to him to wrap?

I would just speak to him about it, OP. If you actually want something else from the shop say you'll do the exchange, then exchange it for the thing you want and say they didn't have your size in the original clothes.

I think you just have to tell him. He didn’t hide them (well) and you came across them. If you actually like them you could say that and he just needs to swap the size. If you’d rather something else you could say actually since he’s returning them anyway you’d like some new jewellery/bath stuff or whatever. It doesn’t need to be a big deal.

Send him loads of links to stuff you DO want in an email. In big letters say ‘I’m a size MEDIUM or 10/12.

Keep sending links. Keep saying ‘in clothes I’m a medium.

You either have too…..

Tell him and get him to take it back/exchange.

Go and exchange the items yourself for the correct size then put them back where you found them, hope he doesn’t notice you have switched them.

Wait until Christmas Day and tell him when you open it 😬

I would go for one of the first 2 options.

I think at least he found a shop that you like, so just make sure you are organised enough to exchange after Christmas!

Have you got a large female relative/family friend? If so you could always try saying that you were putting up the decs and noticed the present he'd bought for Aunt Angela which was a great help as it would save you a job buying her something. You had looked at something similar for yourself but they only had the XL that Aunt Angela wears and not the M that you wear.

All the posts defending such a lazy, useless, selfish dickhead are really sad.
A husband should be able to buy his wife something nice that is appropriate, the correct size and that she will like for Christmas.
This arsehole and all the other useless twats just don’t think you are worth the effort to learn or show an interest in you as a person. They don’t deserve defending. They deserve a kick up the backside.

OP would he even notice if you just sent it back for a swap in size and once it's redelivered just stuff it back in the cupboard?

And this is why i give a list - with very specific instructions as to where you can buy the things - and if i get something not on my list i will ask why you are wasting your money on something i have not expressed a wish for.

We've been married 40 years and only the first Christmas was a bust. Because i instituted The List. Now we have the internet it is even better.

OP in your shoes, i would come clean, tell him the gifts were found by accident, they are not acceptable and give him a list of things he can choose from, that he can buy during his lunch break.

And get him a shit gift anyway. Just to drive the point home.